Honey, It's Me or the Science Project!
by gothraven89
Summary: Warning: K/S paring. Spock becomes somewhat obsessed with a project in the Science department.Because of this, Spock ends up neglecting something very important... Jim. Jim angst/Spock guilt. Don't like, don't read. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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**Honey, It's Me or the Science Project!**

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_Chapter 1: Of Empty Beds and Empty Hearts_

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It was late in the night on board the _USS Enterprise_ as she languidly cruised through the star-filled blackness of space. Most of the ship's crew was fast asleep in their beds, while a skeleton crew was still up and about, making sure the ship ran smoothly through the night. However, there was one among those who was still awake who was not still conscious for the sake of running a smooth ship. From where he lay in his bed inside his private quarters, Jim Kirk was wide awake despite having actually gotten into bed hours ago. The off-duty captain let out a small, frustrated growl before he turned onto his back ans stared up at his ceiling with a slightly baleful glare. However, it wasn't long before the glare turned into a look of deep sadness. With a small sigh, Jim turned his head to the side so he could look at the other side of the bed. The sight that greeted Jim had his look of sadness deepening as he slowly turned onto his other side so that he now lay facing the other half of the bed.

The empty half of the bed.

Jim reached out and gently grazed his head over the untouched pillow and sheets. They were cool to his touch, and it only served to make Jim feel worse. This night marked the fourth night that Jim had been resigned to got to bed all by himself.

For anyone else this would not have been such a big deal, but for anyone that had a spouse that they were madly in love with, it was nothing short of the worst kind of torture, plain and simple. Such was the case for Jim as he felt a dull ache settle over his heart, couple with a deep seated loneliness that wouldn't go away no matter how many times he tried to banish it to the back of his mind.

He just missed Spock so badly, it was almost like a physical pain. It did not matter at all that Spock was merely holed up in the science labs just a few deck below, yet again working late into the night. But for Jim, it felt like Spock may as well have been on a whole other planet for all he knew.

About a week earlier, the _Enterprise_ had encountered the extraordinary people of the newly discovered planet call Corvinus I. The Corvinians were a peaceful race, and had welcomed Jim and his crew with open arms. The Enterprise's crew had enjoyed three wonderful days filled with lively tours of the great cities, and an exchange of friendship and good will. Jim and the others had been instantly liked by the people, and they in turn had grown quite fond of the Corvinians. When it had finally been time to part, it had been with great reluctance.

The Corvinian's ruler, a wonderful and wise Empress who was wise despite being a young woman around Jim's age, had presented them with a unique parting gift. She had presented Jim with what looked like a glass-sphere filled with what she described as 'the source'. In simple terms, it was a small sample of the one of the energy sources the Corvinians used to power their great capitol city.

Sure, the Corvinian Empress may have presented the gift to Jim, but a very fascinated Spock had just about claimed it as his own once they had beamed back aboard the ship. The Vulcan had been so focused on the Corvinian Sphere, he had barely given Jim any words of explanation before he was hurrying away to the Science lab with the sphere.

That had been a full two weeks ago, and Spock had not relinquished the sphere since. It seemed to Jim that the analysis and dissection of the sphere had become the center of Spock's world. Yes, Spock was always there for duty every day on the main bridge, but as soon as he was done, he was off to the labs without so much as a word or glance to Jim. Even when he wasn't in the lab, all Spock seemed to want to talk about was the fascinating properties of the sphere. For Jim it was like his husband was there sitting across from him at the table, but he really wasn't there at all. It was like the sphere took precedence over anything and everything else. The happenings of the ship, the latest gossip that floated around, even _chess_ seemed to be at the very back recesses of Spock's mind. For Jim it felt like all of his husband's interest and time was focused solely on the glass ball full of swirling, silvery-blue stuff that was back at the lab.

In addition, Jim had tried to reach out to Spock through the Vulcan marriage bond that connected them. For all of his efforts, all Jim received was rebuff after rebuff. At first, they had been assuring, but after about a few dozen attempts to reach out to Spock in this manner, Jim started to feel Spock's quiet annoyance through the bond, so he stopped trying to get his bondmate's attention this way.

No mater what Jim tried, from using the bond, to the com-link, all he got for his trouble was Spock telling him to call back later because he was currently occupied. For all intents and purposes, Spock was interested only in that ball, and apparently, noting else. Not even Jim.

The feeling of something warm and wet trickling across the bridge of his nose startled Jim out of his musing of that past few days. The young Captain fluidly sat up in bed and reached up to touch his face. When his finger came back wet and shining with a clear liquid, Jim grumbled and roughly swiped at his face, wiping away the moisture that had collected in his eyes.

Jim shook his head in disgust of himself. Here he was, Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise, crying in the middle of the night over the fact that his bondmate wasn't there to be his personal teddy bear. Jim knew that what Spock was doing was important to him, and that he himself was, in his opinion, being rather childish about the whole thing.

Sooner or later, Spock would be done with the Corvinian sphere, and then things would be just fine. Things would go back to normal at last.

At least, Jim hoped that would be the case.

With a small scoff, Jim rose from the bed and made his way over to the personal replicator that was situated by the door to his bedroom. He stood before it and punched in the code for what he desired. A few moments later, a small mug of lukewarm chocolate milk was materializing in the replicator. Jim picked up the mug by its handle and took a deep sip, enjoying the warm, rich taste of the chocolate milk. But the enjoyment soon faded as Jim's mind brought up that one time during his and Spock's time in San Francisco after they got married, where Spock had accidentally ingested so hot chocolate. It had led to Jim witnessing a slightly tipsy Vulcan for the first time in his life. It had been absolutely wonderful, especially when Jim had been there to ease Spock's embarrassment once he had sobered up.

Jim was taken out of his musings by the stark reality he found himself in now. With a small sigh, Jim quickly drained the mug of warm milk and set it back down in the replicator, where it promptly disappeared. Jim then turned away and headed back to bed. But instead of climbing back under the covers, Jim sank down over the edge of the soft mattress and stared out at the stars as they lazily passed by his bedroom window.

Jim found himself smirking humorlessly as his blue eyes tracked the many points of light as they passed. At least the stars never had to deal with what he found himself dealing with now. As far as he knew, the stars of the Universe were just orbs of gas and other particles that did nothing but shine, and go supernova after millions of years. They didn't have to command of star ship, they didn't have to be responsible for four hundred plus lives, and they didn't have marriages they had to do everything they could to make work.

Jim shook his head again and his irrationality. This was nothing, and yet he was feeling this way about it. Spock was at heart a scientist, and what he was doing down in the labs was important to him, really important. Jim knew he had to take this into consideration above all else.

But that didn't mean that he couldn't find the situation particularly difficulty, because it really was.

Jim roughly scrubbed at his face again, he was not going to go and do _that _again. With a final look at the passing stars, Jim climbed back under the covers and lay on his side facing the empty half of the bed, Spock's half. Knowing that laying like this would not really help him reach his intended goal of finally falling asleep, Jim turned away from the empty half of the bed, effectively turning his back to it.

He lay like that for a good minute before he was twisting back around and reaching for Spock's pillow. Now feeling infinitely glad that he was by himself, Jim turned back onto his side facing away from Spock's half of the bed, and held the pillow close. Jim breathed in deep, his sense of smell detecting the faint traces of the scent that lingered on the pillow.

The faint scent of what smelled like sandalwood and regulation soap.

The very essence of Spock's scent.

Feeling only the most marginal of comforts from this, Jim forced himself to relax and was soon drifting off into what was a restless sleep at best.

His final thoughts before he drifted off, were that he really hoped that Spock would be here in the morning, maybe sleeping beside him, or in deep meditation by the foot of the bed. Jim really didn't want a repeat of the past few days, where he woke up only to see a dressed and ready for duty Spock walking out the door, or worse, no Spock at all.

Jim really hoped that this time, when he woke up, Spock would be there to greet him.

Jim really hoped that this morning would be different from the other mornings.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 2: My Heart's Breaking but You Just Don't See It  
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Jim's pale blue eyes fluttered open as he came back into consciousness. He blinked a few times to clear the remnants of sleep from his mind. Once his mind was clear Jim immediately became aware of his surroundings. He was in bed inside his quarters. It only took Jim seconds to realize that this was, unfortunately, his fifteenth morning without his husband. The bed was cold and empty, while the bedroom was silent save for the sounds of Jim's own breathing. But then, the faint sound of someone shuffling about in the living room area caught Jim's attention. He quickly got up from the bed and made his way out of the bedroom. When he stepped into the living room area, Jim felt his heart leap with quiet joy when he saw who it was that was inside.

" Spock!" Said Jim loudly, all but running to the Vulcan.

Spock had just set down his empty teacup on the table and stood when he suddenly found himself with his arms full of exuberant human bondmate. Before he could say anything, Spock found his mouth being claimed in a deep, hungry kiss. Though he was momentarily stunned, and a bit confused as to the reasons behind Jim kissing him so soundly, Spock wasn't complaining about the gesture. He wrapped his arms around Jim and kissed him back. Just not with as much vigor as the blond man.

They kissed for several long moments, but all too soon, Spock was gently prying Jim away from him and holding the young man back with unyielding hands on his shoulders.

" Good morning my T'hy'la. For some reason, you seem more pleased to see me than usual." Said Spock as he gazed at Jim with a mildly quizzical expression on his face.

" Oh, sorry about that Spock. I just... I'm just really happy to see you." Said Jim, feeling a blush of embarrassment creeping into his face. But his words were right from the heart, he truly was happy to see Spock after the utterly crappy night he had been resigned to endure some hours earlier.

But a little embarrassment was a price Jim was more than willing to pay if it meant that he finally had Spock here standing before him, and not his back as he was walking out the door. Jim was ecstatic, and a quick glance at the ship's chronometer had him over the moon. He and Spock had a good two and a half hours before they had to report for Alpha-shift. Jim's mind was already coming up with several ideas pertaining to how he and Spock could use this time together.

" Hey Spock, since we aren't meant to be on the bridge for another two hours or so, just let me grab a quick shower and we can have break..." Jim was bout to say that he and Spock could have a nice, quiet breakfast together when he finally noticed that Spock was already immaculately dressed in his duty uniform. And when Jim looked past Spock, he felt his heart freeze dead inside his chest when his eyes caught sight of the empty plate and teacup that were resting on the small dining table by the arched windows.

For Jim, it was like a cold, hard slap across his face.

Spock for his part, looked at his bondmate with a simple tilt of his head as he spoke.

" Jim, I am well aware that we are not required to report to the bridge for another two point five hours. With that being said, I assumed that you would still be sleeping at this time, so I already ingested my usual morning repast. I decided to get ready early and use these two point five hours to continue my research on the Corvinian sphere." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

" Y-You could've waited for me Spock." Said Jim softly, infinitely glad that he managed to keep his voice from trembling as he gazed at his husband.

Spock quirked one of his slanted eyebrows and spoke.

" Jim, you were asleep when I arrived here from the Science labs three point one hours earlier. I opted to meditate and allow you to sleep peacefully. But now that you are awake, and I myself have already gotten prepared for duty, it is only logical that I use the spare hours before Alpha-Shift in a constructive manner and continue analyzing and learning more about the Corvinian's energy sphere. It is quite a fascinating scientific venture, and I wish to continue it." He said, with a small spark in his eyes just from thinking about the sphere that was currently in the Science labs.

Spock mind was so focused on what he wanted to do and where he wanted to do it, he didn't see Jim valiantly battling to keep the despair and rage he was feeling from showing on his face, and bleeding through the Vulcan bond that joined their minds.

Jim took in a deep breath and forced his lips to curve up into a joke of a smile as he spoke.

" Well if that's the case, I wouldn't want to keep you waiting." He said, fighting with all that he had to keep his voice steady and his eyes clear.

" Thank you for understanding T'hy'la, I shall see you at Alpha-shift." Said Spock.

Jim nodded and had just raised his hand with his index and middle finger extended so that he and Spock could kiss in the Vulcan way when Spock promptly turned and headed out of there quarters without even noticing that Jim's hand had been reaching out to him. Jim watched Spock disappear through the door with wide, hurt-filled eyes and still holding his hand up for a kiss that had never come. It was only after the door had shut behind Spock that Jim allowed the damn to break somewhat.

The pain that filled his very soul almost sent Jim to his knees. But after about five seconds of wallowing in despair, Jim straightened back up and let the dark anger rise up inside him. With his eyes bleaching almost to white as he glared at the door, Jim strode over to the table and roughly picked up the dishes Spock had left on the table in his haste to get to his _precious _science venture. Jim made his way to the replicator and promptly shoved the dishes back into it, not sparing them a glance before he all but barreled into the bathroom.

Feeling his skin almost literally boiling, Jim all but ripped off his sleeping shirt and pajama pants before he nearly crashed into the shower. Doing his best to again, keep his emotions from bleeding through the bond and alerting Spock, but at the same time feeling so goddamn angry he could barely see straight, Jim somehow managed to turn the water shower instead of the sonic shower.

When the icy cold water cascaded down on him, Jim let out a small, garbled yell through gritted teeth and breathed deep. As he stood under the frigid spray, a small sob escaped past Jim's lips before he reigned himself in. The young man bounced on the balls of his feet and ground his teeth together as he forced himself to calm down. When he was sure that he had enough of a hold of himself, Jim reached out with a stark white, lightly trembling hand and changed the temperature controls for the shower water. Against his now ice-cold skin, the lukewarm water that now rained down on him felt like it could well have been at one hundred degrees. Jim didn't give a damn about this. He leaned heavily against the shower wall and closed his eyes, letting the water wash over his back as he felt his eyes burn with the tell-tale sting of salt.

As he stood there, Jim kept hearing Spock's words from just moments ago replaying in his mind over and over again like a tormenting cacophony that simple would not cease. That Corvinian sphere had become so fascinating to Spock, that it seemed far more appealing to him even now, even after four days of not properly being with Jim, the one who he had wed as his bondmate in both the eyes of New Vulcan and Starfleet. Jim felt his tears leak from his eyes, hot and bitter, cooling as they mixed with the water from the shower.

" You and your damn logic Spock. Can't you even _see_ me?" Whispered Jim to himself as his face crumbled further.

If it were up to Jim, he would've stayed in that shower until maybe he somehow managed to drown himself, Heaven knew the thought was sorely tempting with the kind of state he was in mentally and emotionally. But, Jim knew that he still had to get ready for alpha shift, and it did not do for a Starfleet captain to go and drown himself in his shower before his duty shift.

So Jim dragged himself out of the shower after several longs moments, until his skin stopped feeling so glacially cold, and forced himself to get ready for work.

Jim dried himself off, brushed his teeth, shaved, and fixed his hair seemingly on auto-pilot. Once that was all done, Jim trudged back into his bedroom and got dressed in his duty uniform. Once he was immaculately dressed save for his boots, Jim made his way over to his personal replicator and punched in the code for what he wanted to eat for breakfast.

When the replicator presented him with a plate of waffles with a small pitcher of syrup on the side, three pieces of sausage, a small pile of potato hash browns, and a tall glass of orange juice, Jim didn't so much as look at it as he picked up the tray and made his way over to the small dining table Spock had sat at just half an hour before. Jim set down his food and took a seat. He picked up the utensils that had been provided by the replicator and began to eat.

Under any other circumstances, Jim would've been smiling and enjoying one of his favorite breakfast combinations. But today, all of it, from the waffles to the hash-browns tasted like nothing but ash in his mouth. Jim knew that his mood was spoiled for the whole day, thanks to his husband, who was utterly obsessed with that goddamn ball of blue stuff. Jim mechanically cut the food with the blunt knife, skewered the pieces with the fork, brought the morsels to his mouth, chewed, swallowed, and took a swig of orange juice from the glass. He repeated this routine monotonously until his plate was empty and his stomach filled.

His may have been filled, but he felt a stark emptiness inside him regardless.

Once he was done, Jim got up with his empty tray in hand. He made his way back to the replicator and put the empty dishes inside for the device to take back. Then he headed back into his bedroom and put his shoes on. Without bothering to give himself the once over in the mirror, Jim strode out of his and Spock's quarters with the main bridge in mind as his destination.

Since Spock wanted to use his spare time in a _constructive manner _as he so logically put it, Jim could do the same and get to commanding his ship a little earlier than he was required to do.

Besides, for Jim, it was anything to get his mind off of the morning's disastrous events, and the heartache that had followed.

For the Captain of the _Enterprise, _he was banking on work commanding his ship being a serviceable distraction from the pain inflicted by oblivious Vulcan husbands.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 3:Putting On a Happy Face, That Everybody Sees Through but Him  
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Jim was infinitely glad that he had opted to walk to the main bridge instead of taking the turbo-lift. He had taken one of the more lengthy routes to reach said destination. The walk through the corridors in all of their lustrous brightness had served well to help Jim calm down some more. He was still hurt, and definitely still pissed as Hell, but the walking had helped him reign in the chaos that was erupting inside him. Over the minutes, he had regained valuable control over himself. Yes, he still felt like he had a nest of angry hornets swarming around in his gut, but after the walking, Jim was fairly certain that he now had his feelings contained enough so that he didn't take out his frustrations on some unsuspecting and completely innocent member of his crew once he got onto the main bridge. Jim walked through the corridors for a solid thirty minutes or so before he finally decided to get onto the main bridge.

Before he walked through the door, Jim forced himself to put the pain Spock's actions from not even an hour before, to the very back of his mind. He could feel the full extent of Spock's neglect later, for now, Jim focused his will on being the captain of the _USS Enterprise_, the flagship of Starfleet. Jim made sure that the shiny, gold-plated veneer of Captain James Tiberius Kirk, was firmly in place before the door to the ship's main bridge opened for him with a soft hiss.

The moment Jim stepped onto the bridge with the persona of confidence and brashness he was known for, everyone who was already on the bridge looked up, slightly startled to see their captain arriving a full hour before his shift was supposed to start.

" Good Morning everyone." Said Jim with a big smile that didn't quite reach his pale blue eyes.

There was a collective startled pause before several voices rang out, replying to Jim's morning greeting. The night-watch commanding officer who still had another hour in his shift quickly rose from the command chair when Jim approached.

" Thanks for keeping things running through the night Commander Wilcox." Said Jim as he took his seat in the command chair with practiced fluidity.

" T-Thank you very much sir. Just doing my job." Said Commander Wilcox.

" I really appreciate it all the same, now get outta here, I got things covered Commander." Said Jim warmly.

" Of course sir, and thank you." Said Commander Wilcox, still a little bit stunned by his Captain's kindness.

With a final nod, the night-shift commander took his leave of the main bridge with a small smile on his face.

Jim let out a small sigh before he leaned back in the command chair. He watched Wilcox disappear through the turbo-lift before he turned to face the main view screen. When he noticed that the main bridge had fallen a little bit too quite than was normal, Jim looked around, and saw that several members of his crew were staring at him with what looked to be barely veiled admiration in their eyes. Feeling his cheeks heat up a little bit, Jim spoke.

" Hey, get back to work, we've all got a ship that isn't gonna run by itself. And Yeoman Rand, please get my morning cup of coffee on the double." He said sternly, although their was a sparkle in his eyes that gave away that he wasn't annoyed in the least.

With smiles all around, the crew on the main bridge went back to work, with more vigor than before now that they had their captain in the command chair. Yeoman Janice Rand all but ran off to get Jim his customary cup of morning coffee, but not before she caught Jim giving her a warm smile. The Yeoman returned the smile before continuing on her way to get her commanding officer the hot beverage he had asked for.

Jim was careful to keep up appearances, even though most of him wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and then have someone pour liquid cement over it for good measure.

Sure, he was happy to be on the main bridge with a crew that just about adored him, but the adoration seemed only to make his heart ache more because the person he himself adored with all his being was too occupied with a science project at the moment to spare him a glance, let alone look at him the way his crew had done just now.

Sadness and loneliness rose up inside of him all at once, and Jim found himself momentarily faltering in his vow to keep up the appearance that he was fine... but he wasn't fine, he wasn't fine at all. As the memories of how Spock had walked away from him came to the forefront of his mind, brutally tormenting him. Jim felt the urge to curl up into a ball increase.

Thankfully, Jim was shaken from his thoughts when Yeoman Rand returned with a steaming mug of coffee that was prepared just the way he liked it.

" Thank you Yeoman Rand." He said as he accepted the beverage.

" Of course Captain." Said Rand with a smile before she turned and walked off to attend to her other duties.

Jim took a sip of the coffee, the hot liquid filling him with a warmth that was pleasant, but fleeting. Thankfully, an Ensign approached him at that moment, with data PADDS that required his signature. It was a welcome distraction for Jim, as he set the coffee mug down on the cup holder at the end of one of the command chairs arms and proceeded to fulfill the Ensign's request for his signature.

But once he was done with whatever the Ensign needed of him, Jim found himself once again alone with his thoughts of what Spock had done... or rather what he hadn't done.

Ozh'esta, the Vulcan kiss. Spock had told him that among bondmates, this gesture was the epitome of love and unity, something never to be ignore or taken lightly. And yet today, Spock had not even noticed Jim's hand reaching for him in that manner.

Jim shook his head and wondered for just how much longer he could stand the situation he found himself in.

For how much longer could he suffer this way in complete silence while his beloved husband remained for all intents and purposes, _enamored _ with that accursed ball of blue and silver energy?

Spock was supposed to be his, just as he was Spock's. How in all the universe had Jim Kirk found himself competing and it seemed, loosing against an inanimate object?

Before he could delve any deeper into the madness of his situation, Jim made his mind come to a grinding halt. Thinking about the shambles_ he_ felt that his personal life was in would serve no other purpose but to distract him from his job. He was on the clock now, he needed to focus.

With this in mind, Jim straightened in his seat and focused on everything that was going on around him.

_About an hour later... _

It was the start of Alpha-shift. Jim had been both dreading and yearning for this time to arrive. Since he had arrived a full hour before, he had been there to greet his main command crew as they had reported for duty. Sulu and Chekov had been the first ones to arrive and relieve the night-shift helmsmen.

Chekov and Sulu were a little bit curious as to why their captain had come onto the bridge before them when they were the ones who were there to greet him when he came on duty for Alpha-shift. But the two helmsmen didn't dwell on the matter for very long. Instead, they took their stations and enjoyed the normal, quiet banter-filled rapport they had with their captain. The three of them were the utmost professional, but there was a camaraderie and warmth there that was particularly soothing to Jim on this day. A few minutes Chekov and Sulue arrived, Nyota Uhura came onto the bridge, ready for duty. Jim gave her his best grin and flirted shamelessly with the lovely communications officer. It was a known fact that this was completely platonic, just Jim being Jim. Jim was happily married, and Uhura was happily single and dating.

Uhura replied to Jim's mock flirtations with her own witty shut-downs. And finally, about five or six minutes after Uhura reported for duty, the door to the main bridge's turbo-lift opened with a soft hiss to reveal the final member of the _Enterprise's _command crew, Commander Spock stepped out onto the main bridge looking as immaculate as ever. He walked with his hands clasped behind his back and his face a blank slate.

Now that Mr. Spock was on the main bridge, the crew expected their Captain to brighten up a considerable amount more than he already seemed. That was usually what the crew witnessed most days. However, today they were left just a tiny bit stunned, confused, and even a bit concerned by what they were seeing now. Sure, the Captain smiled when his eyes fell on the Commander, but it was a pale joke of the smile that usually lit up his entire face. Jim's normally bright eyes didn't sparkle with silent joy, instead they shuttered and dimmed a little.

" Good morning Mr. Spock." Said Jim, trying to say it with his usual exuberance, but ending up falling a little short.

Spock for his part, seemed not to notice this at all as he spoke.

" Good morning to you as well Captain, I trust that all is well." He said.

" Yeah, everything's running smoothly, they'll run even smoother now that you're here." Said Jim with enthusiasm he didn't feel, and all the while trying to keep the emotions he had bottled up earlier from rising to the surface as he gazed at his husband.

The one who, in his obliviousness, was responsible for said emotions.

" Jim, I also wanted to thank you again for being so understanding this morning. And you'll be pleased to know that my research of the sphere continues to progress very adequately. It is truly a fascinating energy source, unlike anything we have ever encountered." Said Spock.

" That's wonderful Spock, I'm glad that you've found such an interesting science venture." Said Jim quietly, all the while feeling his heart crack right down the middle.

So, Spock hadn't even the slightest inkling of just how badly his brisk exit from their quarters just about an hour and a half ago had hurt Jim.

Jim found himself discreetly clenching one of his hands into a tight fist in his lap, away from the eyes of his crew, and for the most part Spock. Jim felt the anger from before rise up inside him, clawing like some savage, enraged beast inside his gut. Jim would've loved nothing more than to blow his top right then and there, and let Spock know how he _really_ felt about the situation.

Spock was _thanking_ him for basically allowing the Vulcan to pile nothing but silent_ misery_ on him for these last few _weeks?_

Well, Jim wanted nothing more than to let Spock know where he could take his thanks and shove it. But they were on duty right now, and that kind of behavior was not acceptable coming from the captain himself.

Jim used all his will to ignore the pain and anger. He lightly cleared his throat, gave Spock a final nod, and then turned his gaze forward to the main view screen.

Spock gave a slight quirk of one of his slanted eyebrows before he wordlessly turned on his heels and made his way to his duty station behind the Captain's chair. After that, the crew immediately focused their full attention on their duties. What they had just witnessed was between the Captain and their First Officer. By no means was it any of their business. All they could do was hope that Jim was just feeling under the weather, or that they were just seeing things the wrong way.

Jim for his part, shifted a little in his seat uncomfortably and took a deep, steadying breath. He really wanted to talk to Spock, no, he _needed _to talk to his husband in private. Both because there was _a lot_ he wanted to say to the Vulcan, and because he actually missed having conversations with Spock that didn't consist of 'Hello, please understand T'hy'la, and goodbye.'

As he sat in the command chair, Jim resolved to wrangle Spock into having lunch with his, and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He needed to talk to Spock, he just needed to so badly. But for now, Jim settled in for the long hours before said opportunity would arise.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 4: Like the Grand Canyon Just Got Wider by a Couple Hundred Feet More  
_

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He was going to shoot the ship's chronometer system, or at the very least, he was going to smash it with something large and heavy.

These thoughts of violence against the _Enterprise's_ time keeping system were swirling around inside Captain James T. Kirk's mind as he sat in the command chair and presided over a quite main bridge. Jim was finding it awfully tempting to give in to the aforementioned urges, but Jim knew that doing so would only serve to get his ass booted to Sickbay for a psych-evaluation. For Jim, the minutes since Alpha-shift had started seemed to be dragging on for what felt more like hours. Jim was going stir-crazy. He wanted it to be his and Spock's lunch hour, right freaking now!

Since the main bridge was running smoothly, and the _Enterprise_ itself was on its way to nearby Starbase 34 simply to refuel, Jim decided to reach out to Spock telepathically through the Vulcan marriage bond that joined them.

_" Hey Spock, you got a minute?" _Asked Jim through the bond.

" What is it Jim? Is something wrong?" Came Spock's disembodied voice through the bond.

**_" You have no idea." _**Thought Jim to himself, but wisely not voicing this through the bond as he answered Spock.

_" No, nothing's wrong. I was just wondering, since our lunch hour is coming up, maybe we could have lunch together?" _He asked, hoping he didn't sound as pathetically desperate in to Spock's ears as he did to his own.

_" Jim, I have already decided that I will be using the time allotted for my lunch hour to continue my analysis of the Corvinian sphere. There is much yet to be done in regards to my research."_ Explained Spock through the bond.

The disappointment Jim felt was like the crushing force of a ton of water crashing down on him with full force, but it also filled him with grim determination as he spoke.

_" Well, if that's the case, then how about I come with you to the Science labs and look in on how you're research is going?"_ Asked Jim with a cheery, sweetness that he didn't feel one bit.

_" But Jim, surely you would want to enjoy an afternoon meal in the Mess hall, than observe my research of the Corvinian sphere. I do not wish for you to go hungry when you are scheduled to take sustenanc . No Jim, I would prefer that you went and had a proper afternoon meal."_ Said Spock.

Though he felt a momentary swell in his heart at how Spock didn't want him to go without food, Jim mostly felt anger starting to rise up inside him for yet again being rebuffed by Spock. But Jim Kirk was not going to be deterred, not this time. Doing his best to shield his emotions from Spock, Jim spoke through the bond.

_" How about this Spock? You go ahead to the labs, and I'll join you after I've had lunch. This way, I'll have a full stomach, and you get to keep doing your research like you want to. What do ya say?"_ Asked Jim, his hand nervously picking at the hem of his uniform shirt as he waited for Spock to reply.

After a small pause, Spock's voice came through the bond.

_" That is acceptable my T'hy'la, but I do not understand why you do not wish to spend your lunch hour in the Mess hall like you normally do for the allotted sixty minutes. Are you certain that nothing is wrong Jim?"_ The Vulcan asked.

" _**Damn it Spock! Why can't you even see that I just wanna be with you? At this point, I'm taking whatever I can get. Jesus, it's like pulling teeth out of a brick wall!" **_Thought Jim to himself before quickly answered Spock, trying to sound as normal as possible as he did so.

_" Everything's fine Spock, and besides, I'm just as curious about the Corvinian sphere as you are. I'd really like to see what you've learned do far."_ He said through the bond.

Jim felt only a little bit guilty for lying about being interested in that stupid, accursed ball. But if it meant that he could spend even a few _minutes _with his husband, than Jim would've gladly lied a thousand times over. Besides, Jim actually did want to see what was_ so damn special_ about that thing anyway.

_" Very well Jim. I shall see you when you arrive at the labs after you have taken your afternoon repast."_ Said Spock.

Jim found himself smiling slightly at this, but the joy he felt was quite bitter-sweet, more bitter actually. Sure, he was going to be able to spend some time with Spock down in the labs, but that time was most likely going to be dominated by a demure looking, basket-ball sized, sphere of silvery-blue energy. It would make getting his husband's attention all the more difficult, and Jim really needed to talk to Spock. Jim needed to make the Vulcan listen because God-damn it, he couldn't keep living like this, like some forgotten piece of furniture, or some book collecting dust on a shelf. Jim Kirk was a living, breathing, and emotional being. He was fast getting very, _very_ tired of the loneliness and, albeit unknowing, neglect on Spock's part.

Jim had _enjoyed_ more than enough of the aforementioned two, and a whole shit-load of other un-pleasantries in his life. He didn't need anymore of it, especially not from Spock, the person he was madly in love with, and married to, of all people.

_" All right Spock, I'll be seeing you later down in the Science labs."_ Said Jim, once again forcing himself to sound all fine and dandy.

Jim looked over his shoulder at the exact same time Spock did the same. Their eyes met, and despite all the he was feeling internally, Jim wanted nothing more than to drown in those two deep, black coffee-brown eyes for the rest of the day.

God... He loved Spock so much. It was probably why it made this situation all the more keenly painful.

Jim and Spock held each others gaze for several moments before Spock gave a minute nod, and turned back to his station. Jim's lips twitched humorlessly before he did the same, turning forward and focusing his attention on the main view screen.

As he sat in command of the Enterprise, Jim couldn't help but feel the slightest spark of hope in his heart, the hope that he would finally get his husband back today.

_An hour and a half later..._

Jim took a big bite of his grilled chicken sandwich and chewed rapidly. He was currently sitting at a table close to one of the Mess Hall's exits, and all but discreetly inhaling what he had ordered for lunch. A grilled chicken sandwich, a light Caesar salad, and a tall glass of iced-tea were already halfway to being completely devoured.

Jim would've liked to have sat there relaxed and savoring a rather tasty lunch, but time was of the essence and he wanted to get down to the lab, pronto, ASAP, like right freakin' now!

Jim polished off his sandwich, and then munched on his salad, washing it all down with moderate gulps of ice-tea. Jim was finished with his meal with the speed of a man starved for days, and in a way this was true that Jim was starved, but it was not for food, but for the attention and affections of the man he had vowed to spend the rest of his life with. Jim quickly disposed of his tray and empty dishes, barely pausing to say hello to Bones, who was making his way to the replicators, before he was all but running out of the mess hall. Jim did his best not to go running through the ship's corridors like a maniac as he found the nearest turbo-lift and boarded it. He pressed the button for the deck the labs were located on. Though the turbo-lift was swift, for Jim it could not fast enough. Jim was out of the turbo-lift before the door even fully opened. But once he saw the door to the Main Science Lab just up ahead, Jim forced himself to slow down and walk the rest of the way like a composed and poised Captain, and not as a love-sick, emotional husband.

When Jim reached the door to the main science lab, he strode in with up-beat confidence and a smile. The crew members who were in the lab all looked to Jim upon his arrival. Though they were a bit stunned by the appearance of their Captain, they ll quickly relaxed and greeted Jim warmly. Jim smiled in turn and looked around the lab. He couldn't see a certain pointy-eared individual anywhere. Jim was about to ask where Spock was when the door to one of the connecting labs opened, and the Vulcan in question walked through into the main lab. Jim almost beamed at the sight of his husband, until his graze traveled down to Spock's hand, and the particular item they were holding. There in Spock's hands was the silvery-blue orb of energy that had Spock enraptured, and had become the bane of Jim's formerly happy and content existence. Jim forced himself to hide his unhappiness and disdain for the sphere behind a smile as he walked up to the Vulcan and greeted him.

" Hey Spock, I'm here as I promised." He said.

" Indeed Captain, I am pleased to see that you have come to observe up here as we continue our research." Said Spock, his dark eyes momentarily softening as he gazed at his bondmate.

But all too soon, Spock was looking back at the sphere in his hands as he stepped past his mate and set the sphere down on a nearby table. To Jim's surprise, the sphere stayed exactly where Spock set it down without the aid of a stand or any such item.

" That's strange, but cool." Said Jim, albeit a little begrudgingly as he followed Spock.

" What are you guys gonna do now?" He asked, genuinely curious.

Spock turned to his bondmate and began a lengthy, but slightly animated explanation of what procedures they would be doing on the sphere, all while getting the scanning equipment ready. Jim was in audience to all of this, and though he was very taken by the sight of Spock being so driven and focused, the young man couldn't help but feel a twinge in his heart because he could scarcely remember the last time Spock had his undivided focus just on him. Jim watched his husband work, all the while keeping respectfully silent.

But that did not mean that Jim didn't try to reach out telepathically to Spock.

_" Hey Spock, when will you be done with your research?"_ He asked through the bond.

_" Jim, my research is indefinite, we have only just begun to learn about the Corvinian Sphere and its properties." _Replied Spock.

_" Can you give me an estimation then, cause it's already been almost a week now."_ Said Jim, hoping he didn't sound like he was whining.

_" T'hy'la, by my estimation, it could take months for my work to be completed."_ Said Spock.

Jim felt his world sort of tilt on its axis upon hearing that, but he kept his feelings of dread under tight wraps as he spoke.

_" Please tell me you're exaggerating Spock." _Said Jim lightly through the bond.

_" Vulcan's do not exaggerate Jim, I am merely fulfilling your request to know an estimate of how long my research could take place."_ Replied Spock.

_" Oh... Okay Spock, that's fine. I'm gonna see you for dinner after shift."_ Said Jim, hoping Spock got the hint that he wanted him to actually come home tonight.

_" Jim, I will be working late tonight, and once I am off duty-" _Began Spock when Jim cut him off.

_" You're coming straight here to do more research, I get it Spock."_ Sighed Jim in resignation and disappointment.

_" T'hy'la, please understand, this is a matter of great importance to me and the Science Department."_ Said Spock, sounding only just a mild bit apologetic.

**_" Yeah well, I used to be important to you too Spock." _**Thought Jim to himself as he spoke to Spock through the bond.

_" I understand that Spock, I see that it's very important to you. But I gotta say that you are seeming to get a little bit obsessed with that thing_." He said.

_" Jim please, I am merely fascinated by an extraordinary new find from our encounter with a truly advanced race. I merely wish to learn all that I can from what is truly a great gift to the Science Department and I."_ Countered Spock.

Jim could feel through the bond that he was starting to annoy Spock, but a small part of him couldn't care less. He was talking to his husband, and he would keep talking to him until he could gather his thoughts and tell him how he really felt about the situation.

**_" You used to say that I was a great gift to you as well Spock."_** Thought Jim privately before he spoke.

_" That's all great Spock, but you haven't been home after shift in nearly a week and I-"_ He began to say when Spock's emotions of annoyance flashed through the bond and the Vulcan cut him off.

_" Jim, I have been hard a work in my research. I wish to learn all that I can from the Corvinian Sphere. I believe that you are giving in to illogical human emotions on this subject. What I have learned so far about the sphere could prove quite valuable to us in the future, perhaps we may even be able to replicate the energy source and use it to our own benefit. Please Jim, you are here to observe me as I further my study."_ He said with an air of finality.

Jim stood there stunned into a numbed silence, but he got Spock's underlying message loud and clear.

_'Shut up Jim, can you not see that I am working of something important. Cease in you annoyance and do what you have come here to do, just observe.' _

Jim felt his already crumbling heart, crumbling to the point where it felt like it was being held together by the very thinnest of thread. Using every ounce of mental strength he had, Jim shielded his emotions from Spock, not allowing his husband to see that his words were like daggers to his bondmate's very soul.

_" Fine Spock, I let you get you scan underway." _Said Jim as steadily as he could through the bond.

" Thank you Jim, for understanding." Came Spock's reply.

_**" Don't thank me you green blooded, pointy-eared, heartless, insensitive..." **_Jim trailed off in his hurt-filled, mental cursing out of his husband when said husband turned and gave Jim a look of veiled affection that had the young man wanting to both punch the Vulcan in the face and kiss the very breath out of him.

It just sent a fiery agony through Jim's whole body as he smiled back at Spock and nodded.

And so, Jim resigned himself to stand there and watch his husband once again submerge himself into studying the inanimate object that was resting on a table just a few feet away. But as the minutes passed, Jim found himself steadily loosing the battle to keep his anger and hurt at bay. He valiantly stayed silent by Spock's side for a good half our or so before he could no longer stand to be there.

" Hey Spock, I'm gonna head back over to the main bridge, so I'll see you later." Said Jim steadily, all the while feeling a stinging burn behind his eyeballs.

" Yes Jim, I shall see you when I report back for duty." Replied Spock, giving Jim a fleeting glance before he turned back to the scanning machine he had been looking into as it scanned the Corvinian Sphere.

Jim wanted to reach out and maybe get that Vulcan kiss that had never happened, but he thought better of it, If he touched Spock, maybe he would've seen that anguish Jim was on through his Vulcan touch-telepathy. Jim knew that Spock had been quite _clear _that he didn't want any _distractions_ right now, so Jim nodded mutely and clenched his jaw tightly as he turned away and began to quickly make his way to the exit. He paused in the doorway to let look over his shoulder and let his eyes linger of Spock, who had his back to him, for a final time before he all but fled.

Jim saw that he still had a few good minutes left before he was to report back to the bridge. He couldn't bare to be on the same deck as Spock right now, so he all but ran into the turbo-lift and pressed the button, not caring where he ended up. The lift swiftly took Jim to one of the upper decks near the one his and Spock's quarters were located on. Jim stumbled out of the lift, but kept himself as composed as he could as he walked down the corridors. When he saw that an observation deck was nearby, Jim quickly made his way to it.

When he reached the observation deck, he was relieved to find that it was blessedly deserted for the most part, with maybe two or three crewmen down below.

Jim let out a shaky breath that ended in a small sob as his eyes rapidly welled with bitter tears. Jim blindly stumbled over to the corner by one of the windows and promptly collapsed onto his knees. He rested his elbows on the ledge beneath the window. The tears finally spilled from Jim's eyes as he stared out at the twinkling stars of Space as they passed by the window.

Jim's tears silently carved hot and bitter trails down his cheeks, but even in his despair, Jim forced himself to keep his mental barriers raised. Sure, he may have wanted Spock, but at the same time, after how Spock had rebuffed him, Jim was too angry to want Spock anywhere near him right now.

Jim's hands clenched into tight fists as he pressed them into his weeping eyes and bowed his head low.

He knew that he would have to pull himself back together a just a few short minutes and report back to the main bridge like nothing was wrong. That he would have to put up the persona of Captain James Tiberius Kirk once more.

But for right now, Jim just wanted to fall apart in peace. He could pull himself together later, right now he wanted to just drown in his misery.

There in the silence of the observation deck, Jim felt the chasm in his soul widen with painful acuteness. Where before, he had thought that he and Spock may just as well have been whole worlds apart, to Jim it now felt like a whole universe separated him from Spock.

Jim stayed this way for several minutes, but once he caught sight of the ship's chronometer, the young man quickly rose to his feet, swiped a rough hand across his eyes and face to get ride of the evidence of his emotional turmoil, straightened his uniform and steadied his nerve. Once he was sure that he had a good enough grip on his composure, Jim headed off to find the nearest turbo-lift and proceeded to the main bridge.

When the door to the lift opened to reveal the brightly lit main bridge, Jim stepped out of the lift looking like the poised and confident Captain. He smiled at Chekov and Sulu, took his seat, and shared some witty banter with Uhura.

A few moments later, when Spock reported back to the bridge, Jim gave him the minimal requirement of acknowledgment, putting up the pretense that he was just fine and dandy as he forced himself to ask Spock about his research. He somehow managed to hold a completely pleasant looking conversation about the sphere with his husband before Spock returned to his station.

After that, Jim sat in the command chair and focused on doing his job, and not the vortex of despair his personal life had become.

He was Captain James T. Kirk, if anything, he could at the very least keep his ship running smoothly while the rest of his life seemed utterly derailed.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 5: Friend, Can You Lend Me Your Shoulder?  
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Pale blue eyes fluttered open as Jim came back into consciousness. He didn't bother looking around because he knew all too well that he was all alone. Jim jack-knifed out of bed and then trudged into the bathroom with his face blank and his head bowed. When he came to stand before the bathroom mirror, Jim let out a shaky breath and blinked owlishly as he stared at his own reflection. His usually lustrous and well-kept golden blond hair was a rumpled, dull, brownish-blond mess. His unshaven cheeks seemed slightly sunken in under the dark stubble that graced them. His lips were pale and in a thin, unhappy line. His pale blue eyes were a murky, grayish blue with bags under them that looked more like bruises against his pallid skin.

This was the culminating result of nearly a full month of quietly suffered misery and emptiness. Jim looked absolutely haggard, and he was infinitely glad that he didn't have to report for duty today. Jim had kept up the facade of being the confident captain and the happily married man to keep his crew, and especially Spock from knowing the truly sad state he was really in. And if Jim were being completely honest with himself, he was fairly certain that he wouldn't have been able to keep up the charade for even an hour longer, let alone another day.

Jim let out another breath before he reached out and turned on the water . The water that erupted from the faucet above the sink was too loud in Jim's ears as he cupped his hands and held them under the cold cascade. One his hands were full, Jim roughly splashed the nearly ice-cold liquid onto his face. Jim let out a sharp gasp at the coldness, but it served to somewhat wake him up out of the daze of lingering sleep. After that, Jim set about his usual morning routine. He showered, dried himself, brushed his teeth, and shaved, all with a sort of monotony that had anyone else been witness to it, they probably would've called sickbay in a panic because it was such a far cry from the usual gusto that Jim had when getting ready for the day, be it for duty or not. But Jim basically dragged himself through the process until he groomed himself into a presentable state. The shower and the shave helped somewhat, but they couldn't quite erase the exhaustion and sadness that Jim felt inside, and was visible on his physical being.

Once Jim was done with his morning routine he shuffled out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. The off-duty captain went about quietly getting dressed. Jim donned a plain white t-shirt with a V-neck and a pair of slightly faded blue-jeans. When he was finished getting dressed. Jim sighed as headed into the living room area to have breakfast. He made his way over to the replicator and pressed some buttons, not really caring what showed up, as long as it was edible and one of the items was a mug of hot coffee, black and loaded with sugar. When the food materialized in the replicator, Jim barely spared the items a glance before he picked up the tray and made his way over to the dining table.

Jim set his breakfast down and took a seat. He stared at the items the replicator had provided for him. A bowl of oatmeal, some diced fruit, a crescent, and a mug of steaming black coffee. If he was honest with himself, Jim didn't much care for any of the items save for the coffee, his stomach giving a dull twinge. Ignoring the weak protests of his stomach, Jim set about eating breakfast, tearing into the crescent and swallowing spoon-fulls of oatmeal. Jim didn't really taste much of anything, his mind filled with memories of the past two weeks. To put things simply, things had gone from bad to nightmarish worse. No matter what he attempted, Jim just couldn't tear Spock away from his _precious _research. Jim had tried to be understanding and interested in the sphere like Spock was, but he simply couldn't keep standing there like a fixture in the Science lab while Spock kept running scan after scan and test after test.

During these long weeks, Spock had come back to their quarters, but try as he might, Jim just couldn't shake the hold the Corvinian Sphere seemed to have on his spouse. Jim had gone so far as to use his abilities in seduction. That in itself had ended up being nothing but a deep blow to Jim's ego as a human male. Jim had come out of the bathroom, freshly showered and glad only in a towel. Spock had been reclining on their bed with his back propped up against the headboard with a data pad in hand. Jim had decided that another attempt to gain Spock's attention was in order. Jim had crawled into bed next to Spock and sought him out. Jim had gone for Spock's hands and his ears, remembering the past, happier times when he had done this and enjoyed Spock's undivided attention for a very long times afterward.

But on this particular night, all Jim had received for his efforts was Spock lightly shaking away his touch and lecturing him about being unnecessarily distracting, like he was some sort of over-grown child. Needless to say, Jim had ceased in his efforts to get Spock attention after that. He had gotten up, put of a pair of loose sleeping pants, and had gone to bed with his back to Spock. Jim had laid awake that night for several hours, silently seething whilst fully aware that Spock was right there just inches away from him, still focused solely on that damn data pad he had been reading, more than likely a report of his precious research.

Jim was broken from his dark musings when he felt his hand grow hot suddenly. He swore and let got of the mug of coffee he had unconsciously gripped too hard. Jim shook his hand against the lingering burning sensation and then returned his attention to eating breakfast. He pushed the painful memories of the past two weeks to the back of his mind and quickly finished the remainder of his breakfast. Once he was done, Jim disposed of his used cutlery and dishes, and then found himself with only his own solitude to keep him company. His and Spock's quarters used to be a place where Jim finally felt like he had a home/ Now his quarters seemed to have become a prison where he was caged in with his own heartache, his despair, and his near blinding rage.

As he stood in the living room area, Jim found himself feeling like the walls were starting to close in on him. Feeling overwhelmed, Jim finally came to a critical decision. It was time to let out everything that he had been using all of his will to repress. It was time that he finally let someone known how things really had been for him these past couple weeks. He had gone on suffering in silence for two straight weeks, and now Jim knew that he had indeed reached the pinnacle of endurance for all of this utter bullshit.

Knowing where he needed to go and who he needed to see, Jim quickly headed back into the bedroom to put on some shoes before he headed out of his and Spock's quarters with a determined stride.

Next stop, Sickbay.

_About six or seven minuted later... _

Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the _USS Enterprise_, looked up from the tri-corder reading he was looking over when he heard the doors to Sickbay open with a soft hiss. Being the CMO, Bones was immediately on alert because more often than not, whoever came through the doors of Sickbay needed some for of medical assistance. So Bones was pleasantly surprised when he saw that the visitor to Sickbay was none other than his captain and best friend, Jim Kirk. Bones smiled as he set down the tri-corder he was holding and stepped forward to greet his friend.

" Jim, what brings you to my domain?" Asked Bones with a quirk of the corner of his lips.

Bones expected Jim's face to light up in one of his signature grins and that he would reply like the content and happy man everyone knew him to be. So it became immediately apparent to Bones that something was amiss when Jim gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his striking blue eyes, and look just on the side of painfully forced as he spoke.

" Hey Bones, can't a man just come by to see his good friend when he has a day off?" He asked as he stepped forward and gave Bones a light tap on the upper arm.

" Well c'mon Jim, let's go to my office. We can catch up on things, seein' as to how you've been burning the candle on both ends lately." Said Bones as he gestured for Jim to follow him.

Bones expected Jim to stubbornly deny that he had been working too hard, so it took the good doctor slightly aback when all Jim did was shrug and walk on in silence. Bones frowned, because this was not the typical Jim Kirk reaction. Bones stepped aside and allowed his friend to enter his office first before stepping in himself and shutting the door. The doctor stood by the door and watched as Jim walked over to the small, regulation sofa that stood by the far wall of the office.

" Jim, what' going on with you? You seem off somehow." Said a concerned Bones as he watched Jim sink down onto the sofa and sit there hunched over.

Jim rested his elbows on his knees and his chin came to rest on top of his clasped hands. It was the farthest thing from the usually bright and confident young man Bones knew and loved like a brother.

Jim let out a small sigh as he felt his frayed nerves and thread-bare control starting to slip. Using what will he had left not to fall apart before Bones's eyes right then and there, Jim looked up to meet his best friend's concerned gaze. Bones felt the ominous gnawing in his gut increase ten-fold when Jim looked up at him with his usually brilliant blue eyes looking dull and empty save for a bone-deep sadness. Jim seemed to transform before Bones's very eyes into an utterly wrecked and listless shell of a man. Bones had it half in mind to go and get his scanner to make sure Jim wasn't on the verge of fully collapsing, when the younger man spoke.

" Hey Bones, you got any of that Saurian brandy left? Because I could sure as Hell use something extra string right about now." He said, in an emotionless, flat voice that could've made a Goddamn Vulcan jealous.

Fighting back his ever deepening concern, Bones composed himself and spoke as normally as he could.

" It's pretty early in the day Jim, you sure you want it?" He asked as he stepped toward his clearly not so fine friend.

If looks could kill, Bones was pretty sure he would have been disintegrating into nothing, like he'd been hit with a phaser blast set to kill, just from the look alone that Jim sent him at his inquiry. Holding up his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner, Bones nodded and stepped around to his desk to get the small bottle of the strong alcohol he kept in one of the drawers. In addition, he pulled out the small glass he kept in there with the bottle and quickly filled it to about halfway. Bones stepped around his desk with the drink in hand and held it out for Jim to take.

" Bring that whole bottle here man." Ordered Jim flatly while he took the offered glass and downed it in a single gulp.

Deciding it was best not to argue with Jim on this one, Bones made his way over to sit beside his friend and filled his glass up. He wisely didn't relinquish the whole bottle over to Jim, which earned Bones another withering look, but nothing further. Bones watched as Jim rapidly threw his second drink back and gave a low growl as he swallowed the alcohol. They stayed in a charged silence for a good long while before Bones finally spoke.

" Jim, talk to me man, tell me what's going on with you." He said softly.

" Not yet Bones, just keep pouring that here." Said Jim as he held out the glass to Bones.

Bones reluctantly poured Jim another drink and watched the younger man dispatch of it the same manner as the first two. Jim did it a fourth time before Bones finally drew the line, snatching the glass from Jim's hand and putting it and the bottle of brandy on the farthest end of his desk before he turned his attention back to his friend.

" Jesus Jim, what the hell are you doing?" Asked Bones as he stood before a still seated Jim.

The only reply Bones received was silence as Jim just sat there, with his head bowed so very low. The silence seemed to stretch on for what seemed like a life-age of the universe before Bones saw something that made his heart freeze inside his chest. He watched as a small droplet of liquid materialized out of nowhere and splashed onto one of Jim's jeans covered thighs, leaving a minuscule stain that was shaped like a near perfect little circle.

Knowing full well what that stain was, Bones couldn't stand it for one second longer. Galvanized by what he had just seen, Bones all but lunged forward and seized Jim by his shoulders. Much to Bones's chagrin, Jim gave no resistance as he was hauled up to his feet by his deeply worried head remained bowed, so Bones's couldn't see his face clearly.

" Jim, look at me right now!" Ordered Bones as he gaze Jim a good shake.

Jim flopped around from the shaking and finally looked up to meet Bones's worried amber eyes.

" Sweet Jesus." Swore Bones softly at what his eyes beheld.

The color was completely gone from Jim's face, making the dark circle under his eyes look like solid black and purple smears, tears were steadily beginning to flow from his pale blue eyes, making them look murky as silent sobs wracked his body. The man before Bones was not the confident, brash young man he knew him to be. This man was the spitting image of dark misery and complete despair. Shaken to his very core, Bones could think of only one thing to do.

Jim let out a small gasp as he was yanked forward into a nearly bone-crushing embrace. With tears streaming from his eyes, Jim just hung limp within the arms of his best friend, numb and silent. It may have only been two weeks, but for Jim, it had been so long since anyone had held him like this that he was honestly at a loss for what to do.

" B-Bones." Whispered Jim numbly against the good doctor's shoulder.

If it was possible, Bones tightened his already painful hold around Jim as he spoke.

" I'm here Jim, I gotcha. Please, tell me what the Hell's gong on. What's wrong? Please tell me." He asked, sounding desperate.

The barely veiled terror in Bones's voice seemed to snap Jim out of his numbness. Feeling his already crumbling heart finally shattering, Jim let out a small gasp and wrapped his arms around Bones, his pale hands clutching the back of the doctor's blue uniform shirt with tight fists as violent tremors wracked his whole body. Taking in a deep, rattling breath, Jim finally spoke.

" Everything... Everything's wrong Bones. Oh God... Oh my God." He whispered brokenly before he buried his face into the crook of Bones's shoulder and let himself finally sink fully into the despair that had been gnawing at him for all these days. But even as he flew to pieces, Jim still used whatever strength he had left to shield his emotions from a certain pointy-eared individual who was on the main bridge, totally oblivious to his mate's distress. Jim didn't want to distracted Spock from his duties, and a part of him really didn't want to see his husband's face right now.

As he felt Jim's muffled sobs against his shoulder, Bones was at a complete loss as to what just happened. Never, in all the time that he knew the younger man, had Bones seen him reduced to such a state. Questions and answered would definitely come, but that was for later.

Right now, Bones focused on lending Jim his shoulder as the younger man fell apart in his embrace, for reasons the good doctor had yet to know about.

But there was one thing Bones was quite certain of. Once he found out who or what was responsible for putting Jim in his current state, Bones would make sure that heads would roll for this.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 6: That's Not a Raging Bull, That's the Ship's Chief Medical Officer!  
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Bones took a deep swig straight out of the bottle of Saurian brandy. As he swallowed the strong alcohol and felt the tingling burn spread through his chest, Bones lightly tapped Jim on the shoulder with the edge of the bottle to get the younger man's attention, and held out the brandy in silent offering to his best friend. Jim looked at the offered bottle with blood-shot, but dry eyes. He had stopped crying several minutes earlier and now sat silent and morose.

" Thanks Bones." Said Jim in a quite and slightly scratchy voice as he accepted the bottle and brought it to his lips. He took a small swig and grimaced as he swallowed down the brandy before handing the bottle back to Bones.

The two men were silent after that for several long moments until Bones finally gave voice to his thoughts.

" Well, that sure wasn't how I expected my day to start out." He said with his signature grumble and sarcasm.

Beside him, Jim's let out a weak huff and allowed the corners of his still colorless lips turn upwards in a fleeting half smile before they were once again going back to an unhappy line. Wanting to get to the bottle of the things, Bones reached out and gripped Jim by the shoulder, gently but firmly making the younger man turned and face him as he spoke.

" Jim, you just came in here, drank almost all of my Saurian brandy, and bawled your eyes out like nothing else. Jim, I know you well enough to know that it takes a Hell of a lotta crap to get you to even tear up just a little bit. With that being said, all I'm gonna say is that you better start talkin', and don't even think about cutting corners and givin' me bullshit that it's no big deal, that you're just tired. Cause I will most definitely hypo-spray you to kingdom come if you do." He ordered, dead serious.

_" Good old Bones."_ Thought Jim, seeing that beneath Bones's gruff threats and promises of unpleasantness, there was deep concern for a loved one.

Taking in a deep breath, Jim spoke.

" You're probably gonna laugh at this, but I guess the only way to describe my personal life is that I'm bonded to a Vulcan, but I couldn't be more alone. I'm fairly certain that I'm loosing my husband to an inanimate object." He said with a humorous chuckle.

" Say what?" Asked a completely baffled Bones.

Knowing he needed to explain things further, Jim spoke.

" Do you remember when we met the people of Corvinus I a little while back?" He asked.

Bones paused for a moment to remember before he spoke.

" Yeah, I remember them. They were a pretty nice bunch, showed us all a great time while we were there." He said with a nod.

" Do you remember that the Corvinian's ruler, the Empress, gave me a gift before we left?" Asked Jim.

" That lovely lady gave you that ball-thing filled with blue stuff, but what does that gotta do with anything?" Asked a confused Bones.

The good doctor watched as Jim's whole demeanor morphed from dejection, to seething anger as he all but shot up from his seat and began to pace back and forth across the office like something that had been caged for too long as he spoke.

" That Goddamn ball has everything to do with it Bones." He growled, his pale blue eyes hard and bright with the chaos of emotions he was feeling.

" What do you mean Jim?" Asked a still confused Bones.

" What I mean Bones, is that the moment we got back to the ship, Spock took the Empress's gift right outta my hands and headed off to the Science labs with it. He just took it and he hasn't let go of that thing for almost a full month now!" Spat Jim, running a frustrated hand through his short blond hair.

" So you're saying that your green-blooded hobgoblin husband has become a little bit obsesses with that ball of blue stuff." Stated Bones, still trying to make sense of what Jim was saying.

" No Bones, I not saying that. What I'm saying is that basketball sized orb of nothing but _energy_ had become the Goddamn center of _my_ husband's universe." Growled Jim, his anger going up another notch at the mere mention of the offending, spherical object.

" Jim, don't you think you're being' just a little extreme?" Asked Bones before he continued.

" Now, don't get me wrong, I still think Spock's an infuriating, pointy-eared prick more that half the time, but Jim, all of us have seen how he is when it comes to you. We all know that, in his own annoyingly logical way, that overgrown jack-rabbit absolutely adores you. Hell, this was amazingly clear when you and him got hitched two years back." He said.

Bones watched as the anger left Jim's face, replaced with a look of such deep sadness and longing that even the good doctor felt a tell-tale twinge in his heart as he eyes his distressed friend. But all too soon, the anger was back as Jim spoke, an ugly, humorless smirk marring his normally striking features as he spoke.

" Yeah, Spock sure does _adore_ me. He adores me so much that he's spent almost every night since we left Corvinus I buried in the Science lab, conducting his research instead of being with me. And on the rare occasion that he is home for the night, all he wants to talk about is the Corvinian sphere and how _fascinating_ it is. There is plenty of life outside of the Science labs and the sphere, but he just doesn't see it. It's like he doesn't even see me. In the mornings, I've woken up to find myself completely alone, or just in time to see him walking out the door way before Alpha-shift, so he go and experiment on that thing some more. One time, I caught him before he could leave, a full two hours before alpha-shift. I just wanted to sit down and have some breakfast with him, but he'd already eaten, and he tells me that he wanted to use the extra two hour to do something constructive, and keep researching the sphere." He seethed.

" Jesus H. Christ himself, that's not the way to live. But Jim, your reaction to all of this is still pretty extreme, and I don't see the full reason behind it. This isn't like you, you're just about ready to go off the rails." Said Bones as he rose to his feet and came to stand before Jim, gently gripping him by the shoulders.

The anger faded a little bit from Jim's countenance as he soaked up the warmth from Bones's comforting hands. Talking in a deep breath, Jim spoke.

" I don't get why I'm reacting like this either Bones. You know as well as I do that I've had worse shit piled on me than this, but for some reason these last two weeks have been more Hell than anything I've been through in a long time. It just hurts so bad. I've tried to be understanding of what Spock's doing, Hell I've even spent time down in the labs with him as he fiddles with that thing. It just feels like he's on a whole other universe, and whenever I try to reach out to him, it's like I smash into a wall that wasn't there before. Me and him, we're bonded for life Bones, before that sphere came into the picture, I always knew that Spock was there. We'd even send each other small messages and feelings through the bond, just because we could. For all of theses weeks, it's just silent. For hours and hours on end, I get nothing through the bond. In the beginning when I reached out to him through the bond, he'd talk to me for a little bit and then tell me that he's busy with the sphere. As time went on, he stopped being so nice about it, basically telling me to quit being such a nag and let him work. Sometimes, he doesn't even give me a response, I guess he didn't even notice that I was calling out to him." He said, his voice trembling a little bit as he looked into Bones's concerned amber eyes with sadness and anger swirling in his own.

" Damn it, I'm gonna kick that ungrateful cretin's ass to Earth and back." Growled Bones.

" Well, at least you'd been bringing him back." Said Jim with pained smile that looked more like a grimace.

" Yeah, I would be, doesn't mean I want to." Shot back Bones with a snark-filled smirk.

Jim nodded and then returned to the subject at hand.

" I may not be an expert in the way of Vulcan marriage bonds, but I think that I'm feeling this way because the bond's been suffering with me. Just like I need Spock, the bond in my mind needs the one in his. Maybe that's why I've been getting these weird head-aches." He said, mentally kicking himself when he realized what he had just revealed to his beast friend and Chief Medical Officer.

" You've been getting freak head-aches and I'm finding out about it now?" Growled Bones, his hands unconsciously tightening their grip on Jim's shoulder as he continued.

" How long Jim?" He asked, holding no room for argument.

" They started three days ago. But before ya ream me out, I just chalked it up to stress. They aren't even that bad Bones, they come and go just like that." Said Jim as he snapped his fingers for emphasis.

" You'll forgive me is I don't find that all too reassuring, now c'mon." Said Bones flatly before he started all but pulling Jim out of his office.

" Hey! Bones, cut it out! I don't need you to go all section 8 on me man, I'm fine!" Protested Jim.

" Boy, you need a Goddamn keeper, that's what you need. Now shut up and let me run some scans." Said Bones sternly as he all but dragged Jim into one of the more private examination room.

" You sit there." Said Bones as he pointed to the examination table with an unyielding finger.

Jim was about to protest when Bones sent him a look that made the young off-duty Captain think better of it.

" You're a giant mother-hen, ya know that." Said Jim flatly as he stepped over to the table and swiftly climbed into it, sitting over the edge and waiting for Bones to get started.

" Yeah yeah, well after everything that just went down, can ya honestly blame me?" Countered Bones as he picked up several of his medical tools.

Jim felt his annoyance fade and sighed heavily before he nodded in acquiescence. Bones paused before starting up the tri-corder to give Jim a small, playful tap on the cheek with the backs of his fingers, earning him a small smile from the younger man before he set to work.

About fifteen minutes later, Bones was setting down the last of his scanning equipment and picking up a hypo-spray, much to Jim's chagrin.

" Bones, is that really necessary?" Asked Jim.

" Suck it up man, this is a hypo full of vitamins. The scans showed that, though your head is more or less okay, you're vitamin counts are low, and you haven't been getting enough sleep. Now, I'm giving you this shot and then I want you to go back to your quarters and get some sleep, or would you rather I just knocked you out right here and now?" Countered Bones with a small quirk of his brow.

" I'll take the damn vitamins." Sighed Jim in defeat.

" Just bare with me Jim." Said Bones before he administered the hypo-spray, pressing the business end to the side of his friend's neck.

Jim let out a small groan as the hypo shot the vitamin cocktail into his bloodstream with a soft hiss. No matter how many times he had to get hypo-sprayed, Jim knew he'd never get used to the sting.

Jim nodded and got off the table, fixing to leave and do as Bones said for once, but he paused and turned to the good doctor and spoke.

" Bones, knowing you, you want nothing more than to march up to the main bridge right now and give Spock a piece of you mind, very loudly. But I'm asking you not to do this, please don't." He said quietly.

" And why the Hell wouldn't I go and inform that insensitive green-blooded jerk about what he's been doing to his lawfully wedded spouse?" Asked Bones, crossing his arms and gazing at Jim challengingly.

" He has command of the bridge today Bones, he needs to focus on that. All of this, this is between me and my husband. It's personal and you going up there all gong-ho is basically gonna be like a loud speaker to the rest of the crew. They don't need that, me and Spock don't need that. He's my husband, I'll find someway to get him to finally notice that everything isn't all sunshine and daisies. But that's me Bones, not you." Said Jim.

In that moment, Bones saw once more why Jim was the Captain of the _USS Enterprise_.

Bones let out a sigh and then nodded in agreement before he spoke.

" Alright, I won't go up there with guns blazin', but rest assured Jim, I _will_ be giving that pointy-eared bastard a piece of my mind in private. He may be your husband and all, but no body reduces you to this state and goes unpunished, ya got me?" He asked.

" Yeah, I got you." Sighed Jim with a wan smile as he stepped forward and gave Bones a one armed hug.

Bones returned the gesture and reluctantly let go of Jim a few moments later.

" Remember, it's your day off, so I want you to take it easy like I told you." Said Bones.

" I'll try my best Bones, given the circumstances." Said Jim with a shrug before he finally turned and took his leave of the good doctor.

Bones watched Jim leave Sickbay with a heavy heart. It pained him to no end to see his best friend reduced to such a state. But once he was sure Jim was gone, the sadness in his heart was filled with a near blinding, boiling hot rage.

" Your ass is toast hobgoblin." Growled Bones as he made his way out of the private exam room, stopped by his office to take a swig of Saurian brandy from the bottle, and then proceeded to head out of Sickbay a man on a mission.

Bones strode out of Sickbay with steam all but pouring out of his ears. But unnoticed by the CMO, a pair of striking blue eyes filled with knowing watched Bones as he strode to the nearest turbo-lift with righteous purpose. From where he stood hidden behind one of the many pillars that adorned the brightly lit corridors of the _Enterprise_, Jim turned away after seeing Bones disappear around another corner. The wall of the corridor was cool, and vibrated softly against his T-shirt clad back. Jim allowed himself a tiny smile as he remembered the look on Bones's face from just a few moments ago.

All the older man had to do was sprout a pair of horns out of his forehead, and maybe get a metal ring through the part of his nose that divided his nostrils, and he'd look like the identical twin brother to a raging long-horn bull. Jim smiled at the thought for several moments before the happy expression melted away from his face. A look of grim determination filled Jim's countenance.

If Bones was on his way to do something about this shitty situation on his behave, Jim could do the same for himself. Though a small part of him screamed at him that he was totally nuts, most of him knew that desperate times called for desperate measures. With this is mind, Jim pushed himself away from the wall and began walking to the nearest turbo-lift he could find. He found one not too far from his location and boarded it. Jim pressed the button for a specific deck and waited for the all too short, yet all too long ride.

In one turbo-lift, Dr. Leonard McCoy was a man getting ready to tear into a certain pointy-eared, half Vulcan half Human individual.

In another lift, Captain James T. Kirk was a man determined to finally get the same pointy-eared individual to finally _see _him and what an ordeal the last two weeks had been. And to do this, Jim was first going to do down to the Science labs to retrieve something that, though he loathed quite profoundly, rightfully belonged to him.

Either way, it seemed that for one Commander Spock, some form of Hell was fast approaching to knock some much needed sense into his overly logical, thick as a cinder-block brain.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 7: S'chin T'gai Spock, Thou Must Now Finally Listen to Some Harsh Truths  
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Dr. Leonard " Bones" McCoy was so furious he could barely see straight. His hands were clenched into tights fists at his side as he stood in the swift moving turbo-lift. Through the haze of anger, Bones knew that he needed to calm down just a little bit so that when he stepped out of the turbo-lift, he didn't charge out of it and immediately pounce on the person his seething fury was directed towards. He had promised Jim just a few minutes earlier that he wouldn't go and cause a scene on the main bridge, Hell, he's promised Jim that he wouldn't even go and confront Spock period. Bones had barely said his goodbyes to Jim before he was heading straight for the nearest turbo-lift. Sure, he was going back on a promise, but given the circumstances, and his own personality, there was no way he was just gonna sit around and watch his friend suffer at the albeit, unknowing hands of his oblivious Vulcan bondmate.

Knowing that it was probably not a very wise idea to go straight for the main bridge, Bones had hit the button and directed the lift to let him out where there were several corridors between him and his intended destination. Bones figured the walk to the main bridge would help him gain some better control of his all encompassing urge to go shove Spock into the nearest trash disposal and send him straight out into space, or better yet, push him onto the transporter pad and have Scotty beam him down to Delta Vega and leave his green-blooded ass down there like the prick had done to Jim during the Narada incident. (Bones still held a little bit of a grudge about that, even after all the time that had passed, and how Jim and Spock's relationship had changed. Just FYI.)

When the door to the turbo-lift opened, Bones stepped out into a thankfully more or less deserted corridor, still gleefully plotting out the various ways he wanted to make Spock pay for his hurtful negligence of Jim, the one person the Vulcan had sworn to cherish above all else. Memories of when he'd been in attendance for Jim and Spock's wedding, assaulted Bones's mind. Jim had looked so happy that day, hell, even Spock had looked happy in his own, annoyingly repressed way. Bones had come to understand that Vulcan's cherished their mates, especially if they were something called T'hy'la. That's what Spock had called Jim, his T'hy'la, and he had promised that he'd cherish Jim to the end of time.

Well, so much for Spock's promises. Bones shook his head as he walked down the corridor, feeling both very angry still, but sad now. Bones knew that when it came to marriage, people screwed up. Marriage was a paradox of sorts, in some aspects it is very simple, in others, it's one of the most complicated things known to existence. Bones attest to that, he had a spectacularly failed marriage under his own belt. But even though things had ended in a bitter divorce between him and Jocelyn, in the beginning they had been like any couple that got married, young and happily in love, ready to make a new life with each other. As he walked towards the main bridge, Bones hoped that this situation between Jim and Spock was just one of the many bumps that popped up in a marriage, and not the harbinger of doom for their union instead. Bones knew that since Jim and Spock were bonded to each other, separation would only spell disaster for them both.

Shaking his head, Bones came to pause before the door to the main bridge. Taking in a deep, steadying breath Bones prepared himself, and plotted out how he was going to approach Spock without trying to strangle the Vulcan the moment he saw him. Knowing that it was now or never, Bones stepped through the door to the main bridge when it opened for him with a soft hiss. The doctor paused near the doorway took take a look around the brightly lit bridge. Everyone was going about their duties like the professionals they were. Sulu and Chekov were at the helm, carrying on a light conversation as they piloted the _Enterprise_. Uhura looked lovely as ever where she sat at the communications station, vetting out the various communications the ship was receiving. And then, Bones's amber eyes went to the center of the room, where the command chair was located. Bones glowered discreetly as he beheld Spock, sitting in the Captain's chair, in command of the ship while Jim had the day off. He looked as well kept as ever, uniform immaculate, not a single hair out of place, and the signature blank expression gracing his face. He was the professionalism and poise, completely fine as fine can be.

_" I am gonna mop the floor with you, ya low-down, insensitive prick."_ Thought Bones as he felt his anger boil up at the very sight of the Vulcan.

Fighting tooth and nail to keep from barreling straight for the Vulcan and pummeling him, Bones took another deep breath to steady his control before he even took the first step. Once he was sure his urge to do bloody violence of Spock was reduced to a momentary minimal, Bones started walking toward Spock. Bones nodded to Chekov and Sulu before coming to stand by the command chair.

" Good morning Dr. McCoy, what brings you to the main bridge?" Asked Spock as he turned to greet the ship's CMO.

" Oh, things were slow down in Sickbay, so I figured I'd head up here and check in." Answered Bones, plastering on a very fake smile of pleasantness on his face as he eyed Spock.

" Well, if that is the case, then I am pleased to inform you that the main bridge is operating within normal parameters." Said Spock with his usual flatness.

_" Well I'm about to throw a wrench into the gears of your smoothly running day ya green-blooded hobgoblin." _Thought Bones as he discreetly clenched his fists and addressed Spock.

" Well if that's the case, do you got a second to spare Spock? There's something I need to talk to you about." He said, pleased that he sounded normal, and not murderous.

" Doctor, I cannot physically give you a second in time, for time is not a corporeal entity." Said Spock with a quirk of one of his signature slanted eyebrows.

" It's a figure of speech Spock, but for real, I gotta talk to you about something." Said Bones, before he leaned in close and continued in a more hushed voice.

" It's of a personal nature Spock." He said quietly.

That had Spock immediately coming to attention.

" Is something wrong Doctor?" Asked Spock.

Bones felt some of his anger dissipate because he could clearly hear what Spock hadn't voice.

_" Is something wrong with Jim?"_

_" You have no idea just how wrong things really are between you and Jim. Well, that's why I'm here." _Thought Bones, a little sadly before he spoke.

" Why don't we go somewhere a bit more private Spock?" He suggested.

" Of course, we may use the conference room." Said Spock with a nod as he gracefully rose from the command chair.

He and Spock were just about the head over to the room Spock had suggested when Uhura suddenly spoke.

" Mr. Spock, I've just received a com from the Science department, it's from one of your lad technicians, it's urgent sir." She said as she looked to Spock and Bones.

Spock blinked and then immediately headed for Uhura's station with Bones right behind him.

" Please patch it through Lieutenant." Ordered Spock.

Uhura nodded and pressed a button on her console. A moment later, the face of a young woman dressed in Science blue and a lab-coat appeared on the screen above Uhura's console. By the troubled expression on her face, they could tell that she wasn't calling with happy news.

" Lt. Hollis, report." Ordered Spock.

" Sir, the Corvinian Sphere, it's gone." Said Lt. Hollis.

" What do you mean it is gone?" Asked Spock.

" We were getting ready to conduct the scans and test that you specified for us to run when there was a sudden black out. All of our equipment and the lighting system simple shut down for no apparent reason. We scrambled about in the dark for a few minutes before one of the technicians managed to get the lights back on. But when they came back on, we saw that the Corvinian sphere was just... gone. Sir, someone has stolen the Corvinian sphere from the lab, and we have no idea who did it and why." Answered Lt. Hollis, looking apologetic and still massively confused.

" _Jim_." Thought Bones, but he wisely kept silent as he watched Spock's entire demeanor shift from normal to tense right before his eyes.

Sure, the Vulcan still looked calm and collected, but Bones could see that Spock's dark eyes had hardened, bow resembling to two orbs of hard obsidian rock. Needless to say, Spock was not at all please with this news.

" Standby Lieutenant Hollis, I am on my way." Said Spock, his voice even flatter than before as he turned smartly on his heels and headed for the exit.

" Hold up Spock, I'll come with you." Said Bones as he scrambled to reach Spock.

" Thank you Doctor, but that really isn't necessary." Said Spock curtly before he turned to address Lt. Sulu.

" Lieutenant Sulu, you have the con." He ordered.

" Aye sir." Acknowledged Sulu before he rose from his place at the helm to carry out his order.

" Well tough Spock, I'm coming with ya, you guys aren't the only ones the Science labs are important to." Said Bones, sending Spock a challenging look because what he had said was true. Bones and his staff also had significant use for the labs, not just Spock and the Science department, and Bones still had to get a few things off of his chest.

" Very well, let us proceed with haste then." Said Spock with a curt nod before he strode across the main bridge to the turbo-lift with Bones close behind.

The two men climbed into the turbo-lift and Spock pressed the button for the deck the Science labs were located on. Spock and Bones stood in a tense silence, one trying to compute the most likely suspects to grill about the theft of something he held quite valuable, the other debating whether or not to tell the former about who he knew for certain was responsible for the theft.

_" Well, it looks like Jim decided that he's waited long enough to do something about all this crap."_ Thought Bones, a small part of him proud that Jim had finally been galvanized to act.

Bones and Spock stayed in a tense silence throughout the turbo-lift ride, and when the lift came to a stop, Spock was all but shooting out of it before the door was even fully open. Bones silently cursed Spock and his Vulcan speed as he scrambled to catch up with the determinedly striding Vulcan. Spock naturally reached the Science labs first, with Bones trotting in after him a few seconds later.

When then arrived, Spock and Bones found that the main lab was in a bit a chaos, to say the least.

Personnel were all scrambling about in the futile hope that they would find that which clearly no longer in their midst.

" Has there been any progress of locating the Corvinian sphere?" Asked Spock to all personnel.

" None sir. It's clear that someone has taken it and fled." Said Lt. Hollis.

" Understood." Said Spock, his voice sounding almost like a growl as he looked around the room.

After that, Bones was witness to Spock taking command of the situation, like a general would his troops. Bones himself had decided to pitch in and help in whatever way he could. First Spock got everyone to stop scrambling about like head-less chickens and compose themselves. Then, he started issuing orders for everyone to get the lab back to a presentable state. He took Lt. Hollis aside and talked to her directly.

" Lieutenant, please bring up all of the security footage the anomalous event and the time leading up to it. I wish to see all of it." He ordered.

" Yes sir." Nodded Hollis before she all but ran to do as Spock had ordered.

A few minutes later, everyone was crowded around a computer terminal, watching the security footage.

They watched as everything was running smoothly in the lab, the crew members inside getting ready to conduct procedures on the Corvinian sphere where it had been left to rest on an examination table. Then out of nowhere, everything went completely pitch black for a solid three minutes. Then the lights were coming back on to reveal that Corvinian sphere vanished, and the confused and startle Science personnel quickly descending into panic upon discovered the sphere gone.

Bones found himself discreetly hiding a smile.

_" Way ta go Jim, your swiped that thing without even bein' seen by the cameras."_ Though the Doctor, feeling immense pride at his best friend's ingenuity.

The doctor couldn't help but feel the irony. Jim had used his skills as a formidable hacker to bamboozle Spock at the very beginning of their relationship when he had defeated the previously thought to be unbeatable Kobayashi Maru simulation test back at the Academy, which had been created by Spock himself. Now Jim had used those very skills on his now husband to steal that pesky little orb that had been like a wedge in their marriage, at least to Jim anyway. Spock had just been carrying on oblivious to Jim's actual plight.

Spock was looking through the footage for the third time with keen and determined eyes before Bones finally spoke.

" Hey Spock, let the security people handle this, there really isn't much you can do right now, and you gotta get back to the bridge." He said.

Spock sent Bones an almost withering look, but then nodded mutely. His pale face was blank, but his lips seemed even thinner than usual, the only real indication that he was really displeased.

" Lt. Hollis, inform security of the situation. There is a thief on board this vessel, and I want that individual apprehended so that he or she may be punished accordingly for their crimes." Ordered Spock.

Bones had to bite his tongue from giving Spock a verbal lashing right then and there, because he knew that Jim hadn't really stolen anything. You can't steal what is rightfully yours, and that damn sphere belonged to Jim, not Spock. But Bones wisely kept silent as he followed Spock out of the Science labs.

From the way Spock seemed to hold himself even more rigid than usual, Bones knew that the hobgoblin was pissed. But Bones just couldn't find it in him to feel too bad about that, in the doctor's opinion, it wasn't nearly enough for what Spock had put Jim through.

Knowing that Bones still hadn't fulfilled his purpose for seeking out Spock's company, the doctor called out to the rapidly walking Vulcan.

" Spock wait a minute will ya, I still gotta talk to you. It's important." Called out Bones.

Spock immediately stopped and turned to face the doctor, a veiled look of annoyance barely there on his face as he spoke.

" Well, if that is the case, please start speaking so that the conversation can end as quickly as possible." He said flatly.

" Oh shove it man, so the shiny toy you seem to be fixated on got stolen, it'll probably turn up in a little while. That doesn't mean you need to be rude Spock." Said an annoyed Bones.

Bones watched as Spock deflated a little bit and nodded as he spoke.

" Please, forgive me Doctor for my inappropriate words. I am just, displeased with this turn of events." He said, sounding much calmer

" Don't worry about it, but let's get back to the task at hand. I gotta ask you something Spock, and I want an honest answer." Said Bones.

" That is an illogical thing to demand Doctor, for I am always honest." Said Spock flatly as he crossed his arms behind his back.

" Well, that's just swell Spock, so you'll give me an accurate amount of time is I asked you when was the last time you spent some quality time with Jim?" Asked Bones, in an almost sickly sweet voice.

Spock blinked, the only sign of the confusion brought on by Bones's question.

" Doctor, may I ask the significance of your inquiry?" Asked Spock.

" Oh, I just wanted to know, when was the last time you sat down and I don't know, had a meal with Jim, played a game of chess with him, Hell, the last time you spoke more than a few words with him outside of work." Replied Bones, feeling his anger from before slowly coming back.

Spock was stunned by this, and in the silence that followed, the Vulcan began to think back on the last time he and Jim had done any of the things that Bones had spoken of. As he thought about it, it became quite clear to Spock that it had been a solid two weeks since he and Jim had played a good game of chess like they usually did. The shared meals had been few and far between because he'd been down in the labs conducting his research. Spock thought of all this, but with him being a Vulcan bull-head, he dismissed the thoughts and spoke.

" Doctor, I am aware now that a significant amount of time has passed since Jim and I did many of the things you have spoken of, but I have been quite busy with my research of the Corvinian sphere. Jim understands that what I am doing is quite important and-" He began to say when an completely irate looking Dr. McCoy got right up in his face and cut him off.

" Oh, so Jim understands? He _understands_? Fuck, that's all he's been doing for almost a _Goddamn month _while you go one neglecting him." Hissed Bones, fire raging behind his amber eyes.

" Please step away from me doctor, and explain your irrational outburst at once." Demanded Spock flatly.

Bones did step with a disgusted hiss before he spoke.

" I'm talking about my best friend coming to me and basically collapsing into tears because his husband's been too busy fawning over a goddamn inanimate object to give him the time of day to even do something as simple as have breakfast together you lousy pointy-eared twit." He hissed.

" Doctor, you will refrain from name calling for it is unbecoming of a Starfleet officer." Said Spock sternly.

" Fine, I won't call you any names, but that doesn't change the fact that what I just said is true Spock." Sighed an angry Bones.

" You are mistaken doctor. I hold only the utmost regard for Jim, he is my T'hy'la, my wedded mate. Your accusations are illogical and unfounded." Defended Spock.

" No Spock, you have been neglecting Jim, you're just so wrapped up in that freakin' ball of blue stiff that you can't see it. What it's been doing to Jim. Jim is my best friend, and he may be your wedded mate, your T'hy'la as you put it, but for the past two weeks all you've done is pile unnecessary crap onto his shoulders." Said Bones, still very much pissed, but now saddened as he thought about all the wrongs Jim had been made to suffer.

" May I ask how you are so sure of this?" Asked Spock, quirking his brow as a show of his defiance.

" I'll tell you why I'm sure. Jim has today off, so he came to see me down in Sickbay, next thing I know he's drinking down a whole bottle of Saurian brandy and crying, freaking _crying_ his eyes out." Began Bones, watching as Spock's eyes fractionally widen at his words before he continued.

" When he finally stopped bawling his eyes out, he told me about how you ran off with that sphere the moment we all got back from Corvinus I and haven't let that thing go since. He told me how day in day out, all you're really interested in is that ball of stuff, and that nothing else matters. Even when you have some time off, you head right for the labs instead of being with the husband who wants you to be with him." He spat.

Bones wiped a frustrated hand across his face and shook his head in disgust before he spoke.

" You wanna know what's really sad. I actually tried to _defend _you, telling Jim that he was overreacting. But it is true, I mean look at what just happened now, you hear that that things been stolen and you dropped everything to come running here. You have command of the whole ship today for Christ's sake, but that thing mattered more to you than that, Hell, it's been mattering more to you than Jim for the last two weeks!" He exclaimed in outrage.

" That is enough Dr. McCoy. If what you are saying has even the smallest shred of truth, than this is a private matter between Jim and I. I shall see to it that Jim and I have a full conversation on the matter." Said Spock, the barest frown marring his face as he steadily met Bones's fiery gaze.

" Yeah, go and discuss the matter, maybe then you'll finally _see _what you've put Jim through." Growled Bones before he continued.

" But do it later, right now Jim's getting some much needed rest, and you will not disturb him, not even for your lunch break. Medical orders, you got me?" He asked sternly.

" Yes Doctor, I... I understand." Said Spock, his voice carefully neutral as he nodded.

" Good, now let's just go our separate ways, you gotta ship to run, and I've been around you for too long as it is." Said Bones with a final glare before he swiftly turned and walked away. He had it in mind to get back to Sickbay and work. Anything to keep his mind off the confrontation he just had, and the bottle of Saurian brandy he really wanted to take a swig from right now.

Spock stood in the corridor stunned by what Dr. McCoy had revealed. But knowing that he was still on duty, Spock put these troubling revelations to the back of his mind and headed back to the main bridge. A few minutes later, Spock was striding back onto the main bridge looking as calm and collected as ever as he relieved Sulu and retook he seat in the command chair. But for the rest of the day, most of Spock's mind was focused mostly on thoughts of his bondmate and what Dr. McCoy had said. True to his words, Spock had stayed on the main bridge, even through his designated lunch hour. He had tried to reach out to Jim through the bond that connected their mind several times throughout the rest of the day, but ever time he did, Spock never got any kind of reply.

It was very disconcerting to Spock, and it made him start to wonder if this was even a small taste of how Jim had been feeling. Spock quickly pushed his growing guilt aside and did his best to focus on his duties for the rest of the day. He'd gotten calls from the labs every few hours, updating him on the progress of the search for the missing Corvinian sphere. So far, the security had found absolutely no trace of the stolen sphere, or the culprit behind the deed. It was just an added unpleasantness to an already soured day.

The hours passed by, slowly but surely, they passed. Finally, Spock went off duty, leaving the bridge in the capable hands of the Night Watch commander. Once his duties were done for the day, Spock wasted no time in getting off the main bridge.

Spock just felt this deep urge to get to Jim as fast as possible. After all Dr. McCoy's verbal tirade, Spock wanted to see Jim for himself, and ascertain his T'hy'la status for himself. The Vulcan made quick work of getting into the turbo-lift and headed up to the upper deck his and Jim's quarters were located. Spock stepped out of the lift when the door opened and navigated the corridors with the ease of familiarity. He turned the final corner and headed for the door to the Captain's private quarters.

Spock walked through the door and was just about to call out his bondmate's name when he stopped dead in his tracks.

The reason why Spock came to a grinding halt is what his eyes fell upon the moment he looked straight into the living room area.

There, sitting on the plush, deep blue sofa by the main arched window was Jim. And there, held between his pale hands was the Corvinian sphere, the silvery blue energy within it happily swirling about.

" T'hy'la, you are the one who stole the sphere from the Science laboratory?" Asked Spock, his voice barely masking his disbelief at the undeniable truth sitting right in front of his.

" Obviously." Was all Jim said, his face pale and deathly serious as his striking, pale blue eyes gazed at Spock with an intensity that the Vulcan had never truly seen before.

Jim took in a deep breath, and slowly leaned forward in his seat, carefully setting the Corvinian sphere down on the coffee table. The sphere stayed perfectly still where Jim set it down and it's contents continued to swirl around without a care in the world.

Jim slowly rose from his seat on the sofa, his hard, ice-colored eyes never once wavering as they seemed to almost bore holes into Spock. Jim took in another deep breath and spoke.

" Computer, lock all exit doors, security code Kirk, James T. 19009 Omega." He ordered.

Behind him, Spock heard the main entrance door he had just walk through make a faint clicking sound as it instantly locked, as per Jim's command.

Jim continued to stare at Spock, and Spock stared back Jim. The silence seemed to stretch on for what seemed an eternity before Jim finally spoke.

" We need to talk Sa Telsu, and this time, you _are_ going to listen to what I have to say Spock."

* * *

**Vocab**

Vulcan: Sa Telsu= English: My Husband.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

.**  
**

_Chapter 8: Didn't Know Just How Deep You Landed Yourself In the Dog House, Did You Mr. Spock?  
_

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" Y'know, of all the things I knew might have to fight to keep you, I never thought that a Goddamn ball of energy would be one of them." Said Jim with a humorless smirk as he looked down at the Corvinian sphere where it stood perfectly still on the coffee table.

Upon hearing these words, Spock experienced a feeling he could only describe as his heart freezing dead where it was located in his side.

" Jim, what are you saying? You have never had to go through any sort of physical altercation to keep me. It is completely illogical. We are T'hy'la, I am completely yours till the end of my days." Said Spock with the barest hint of confusion lacing his words.

Spock watched as Jim scoffed lightly and shook his head before he spoke.

" Well, if that's the case, you've had a real funny way of showing me how much you're mine these last couple of weeks." He said, the ugly smirk on his face intensifying a little more.

" Jim, I am aware that I have been spending a significant amount of time on my research of the Corvinian sphere, but-" Spock began when Jim cut his off.

" Oh, a significant amount of time, is that what they're calling every single Goddamn waking minutes of the day now?" Asked Jim sarcastically through gritted teeth.

" Jim, T'hy'la please-" Spock began again, but Jim really didn't want to hear anything out of his husband's mouth right now.

" Please what Spock? Please keep carrying on like everything's just fine and great? Like it doesn't kill me to wake up in the morning to see that you're already walking out the door, or that you never came home at all? Like I'm not sick and tired of hearing you go on and on talking about this thing even when you are home, which by the way, hasn't been very often over the last _twenty-six days?" _Asked Jim as he jabbed an unforgiving finger at the Corvinian sphere.

Spock opened his mouth to speak, to try to sooth his very upset mate, but Jim wasn't done saying his piece, not by a long shot.

" Oh, and let's not forget how many times I have tried to reach out to you through the bond only to have you tell me that you're busy, and to stop being such a distraction. All those times you addressed me like I was some annoying little child who wouldn't stop nagging you. Who wouldn't leave you alone so you could keep carrying out you _precious_ research"

" Jim, why did you not inform me of how you felt sooner? I would've immediately ceased in being so focused on my research had I known." Asked Spock, trying to figure out how he could get Jim to calm don. He did not wish to see his T'hy'la in such a state of emotional distress.

" Like you would've actually turned away from the sphere for even a second to listen to what I had to say? You've been glued to that thing ever since the Empress gave it to me, and I have been putting a whole lotta effort for almost a full month just trying to pry you away from it." Said Jim, sadness starting to seep through his anger.

Them Jim was suddenly stepping around the coffee table and walking across the living room area, closing the distance between him and Spock.

" You don't believe me? Then here, you can see for yourself." Growled Jim as he reached out and seized one of Spock's wrists and yanked it up towards him so that the Vulcan's pale hand was crudely pressed against Jim's face as the young man spoke.

" Meld with me, and then maybe you'll understand." He said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Spock looked into his husband's blazing pale blue eyes and nodded before he slowly reached out with his free hand, wrapping his arm around Jim and drawing his T'hy'la flush against him. Jim was stunned by this for a moment, but he soon tensed up in Spock's hold and stared up at Spock with defiance radiating through every pore. Spock carefully arranged the hand he had on Jim's face so that the pads of his long, pale fingers were correlating with the proper meld points. Taking in a deep breath, Spock spoke.

" My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts, my T'hy'la." He said softly as he initiated the mind meld Jim had insisted upon.

As one, Jim and Spock's eyes fell shut as the mind meld took hold.

The moment their minds connected through the meld, Spock was mercilessly assaulted by the powerful and chaotic emotions that Jim could no longer with-hold from him. There was anger that bordered on full, furious rage. There was immense pain that radiated to every inch of Jim's psych. There was also a bone deep sadness and sense of abandonment, and wrapped around all of these emotions was an all consuming despair that literally stole Spock's breath. Through the meld, Spock felt like he was being sucked into the chaotic vortex that was Jim's emotional state and mind.

For Jim, the meld felt like every mental barrier he had was being shattered, making all that he had internalized and hidden gush out like the raging waters of a flood. In the back of his very mind, Jim could feel his end of the marriage bond brighten a little as it seemed to feel Spock's mind, but Jim also felt a dull twinge from the bond, as though it didn't want Spock this close, like it was continuing to fray despite the Vulcan's presence. Despite the proverbial releasing of all his pent up frustrations, the bond itself seemed to close off a little, not allowing Spock to see that pain it was in.

As the meld continued, Spock's mind was assaulted by Jim's memories of the past several weeks. Spock was in audience now to every painful transgression he had unknowingly committed against Jim.

First, Spock saw Jim's memories of the many lonely nights he had been forced to endure while his Vulcan mate had been occupied with the Corvinian sphere. Spock saw how Jim had tossed and turned, and laid awake for hours, looking utterly morose, even shedding a few tears. Next, Spock saw the many times Jim had tried to reach out to him telepathically, only to be rebuffed constantly. Through the meld, Spock could here the loud echo of his own callous and thoughtless words.

_" Jim, please desist in your unnecessary communications, it is proving to be distracting while I am carrying out my research." _

_" Jim, though I am pleased to here from you, I am rather occupied at the moment, please communicate with me at a later, more opportune time." _

_" T'hy'la please, I am in the process of conducting a very significant procedure on the sphere, please desist from distracting me. _

_" Jim, thank you so much for understanding, my research is very significant to further the ship's database." _

_" T'hy'la, by my estimation, it could take months for my work to be completed."_

_" Jim, I have been hard a work in my research. I wish to learn all that I can from the Corvinian Sphere. I believe that you are giving in to illogical human emotions on this subject. What I have learned so far about the sphere could prove quite valuable to us in the future, perhaps we may even be able to replicate the energy source and use it to our own benefit. Please Jim, you are here to observe me as I further my study." _

These, and many other words of rebuttal bombarded Spock, making the beginnings of deep shame creep into his psyche. But the worst of Jim's pain accumulated over the last two weeks was yet to come. The mental images slowly shifted from the many rebuffs, to the time when Jim had felt the most tortured and abandoned.

The first memory was that of an early morning

Spock watched on as the memory played out before him. Jim had woken up early after spending the previous night restlessly tossing and turning. He had woken up to find himself alone, and the look of sadness on his face had been so profound, that Spock felt his shame and guilt already growing to new heights. Spock watched on as the memory show Jim scrambling out of bed and all but pouncing on the Vulcan, kissing him soundly. Jim had been so happy to just see him, and then Spock watched on as his past self effectively smashed that fledgling happiness by telling him that he had already eaten breakfast and was leaving early to use the extra two hours to further his research. What happened next had Spock feeling like the bottom of his stomach had somehow dropped away. The Vulcan watched on, completely horrified as Jim held up his hand in the Vulcan form of a kiss, only to have Spock turned away without even noticing it and disappearing through the door without a backward glance. As the memory continued to unfold, Spock felt his heart clench in his side as he watched Jim just stand there with his hand raise for a kiss that never came. It was an image Spock knew he would never forget, not that he had seen it for himself a full two weeks after the incident itself had occurred.

Spock watched on as the look of stunned hurt on Jim's face soon turned into a look of silent, dark fury. The Vulcan watched as Jim quickly disposed of the dishes that had been left on the table and then all but run into the bathroom. Spock felt disgusted with himself, in his eagerness to get to the labs that day, he had left his used dishes on the table, leaving them to Jim like he was some kind of butler. Shaking his head, Spock watched on as Jim proceeded to all but drown himself in the shower, whispering devastated words that rang in Spock's mind now.

_" You and your damn logic Spock. Can't you even see me?"_

After this initial, powerful memory, many more equally disturbing images followed, showing Spock just how badly he had screwed things up without even realizing it.

All of Jim's attempts to get his attention, every single time he'd been shot down. The silent agony he suffered alone. Through the many memories, Spock watched as Jim changed right before his very eyes. Spock watched as Jim went from a vibrant and happy man, the one whom he had fallen so deeply in love with, to a man who had been hollowed out in mind, body, and spirit by all of the crap that had been piled onto him.

It all played out for Spock in full, technicolor glory, like a slap to his pale face. Finally, the memories of earlier today came to the forefront. Spock watched on as Jim resigned to a morning alone, dragged himself out of bed, and monotonously got himself ready_. _It actually pained Spock in an almost physical sense as he watched Jim eat his breakfast without any sort of enjoyment or animation. Then the images changed to Jim's unannounced arrival to Sickbay, and all but binging on Dr. McCoy's stash of Saurian brandy, before he finally broke down in the astonished and concerned doctor's arms. Then the memory shifted to the charged aftermath of Jim's breakdown_. _For Spock, the anger, hurt-filled words that spilled from Jim's mouth were like jagged spears right to his heart.

_"He just took it and he hasn't let go of that thing for the past two weeks."_

_"What I'm saying is that basketball sized orb of nothing but energy had become the Goddamn center of my husband's universe."_

_"Yeah, Spock sure does adore me. He adores me so much that he's spent almost every night since we left Corvinus I buried in the Science lab, conducting his research instead of being with me. And on the rare occasion that he is home for the night, all he wants to talk about is the Corvinian sphere and how fascinating it is. There is plenty of life outside of the Science labs and the sphere, but he just doesn't see it. It's like he doesn't even see me. In the mornings, I've woken up to find myself completely alone, or just in time to see him walking out the door way before Alpha-shift, so he go and experiment on that thing some more. One time, I caught him before he could leave, a full two hours before alpha-shift. I just wanted to sit down and have some breakfast with him, but he'd already eaten, and he tells me that he wanted to use the extra two hour to do something constructive, and keep researching the sphere."_

_"You know as well as I do that I've had worse shit piled on me than this, but for some reason these last two weeks have been more Hell than anything I've been through in a long time. It just hurts so bad. I've tried to be understanding of what Spock's doing, Hell I've even spent time down in the labs with him as he fiddles with that thing. It just feels like he's on a whole other universe, and whenever I try to reach out to him, it's like I smash into a wall that wasn't there before. Me and him, we're bonded for life Bones, before that sphere came into the picture, I always knew that Spock was there. We'd even send each other small messages and feelings through the bond, just because we could. For these last couple weeks, it's just silent. For hours and hours on end, I get nothing through the bond. In the beginning when I reached out to him through the bond, he'd talk to me for a little bit and then tell me that he's busy with the sphere. As time went on, he stopped being so nice about it, basically telling me to quit being such a nag and let him work. Sometimes, he doesn't even give me a response, I guess he didn't even notice that I was calling out to him."_

_"He has command of the bridge today Bones, he needs to focus on that. All of this, this is between me and my husband. It's personal and you going up there all gong-ho is basically gonna be like a loud speaker to the rest of the crew. They don't need that, me and Spock don't need that. He's my husband, I'll find someway to get him to finally notice that everything isn't all sunshine and daisies. But that's me Bones, not you."_

However, even as Spock witnessed and felt all that Jim was feeling, the human unconsciously kept Spock from knowing about the sudden, freak-headaches that he had been suffering from. It had become a rigid habit for Jim to hide injuries until he no longer could, and pain such as the one he had been suffering from in his head was no exception, The rational part of his mind was telling him that he should tell Spock about everything that was going on with him, but right now, Jim was in no way shape or form willing to let Spock in just yet.

The final memories Spock was audience to through the mind meld was of Jim and how he had cleverly stolen the Corvinian sphere out of the Science labs by hacking into the lighting system and causing that black out. In the confusion, Jim had stealthily sneaked into the lab and immediately placed a bag of some kind over the sphere to douse the dim light that had emanated from it. The rest had been a quick and skillful escape from the lab and back to his and Jim's quarters, where Jim had sat staring at the object of his hate and distress for many hours until Spock had finally come home.

With sharps gasps from both ends, Spock abruptly, but smoothly ended the mind-meld, leaving both himself and Jim breathing hard and heavy. Over the course of the meld, both Jim and Spock had ended up on their knees in the living room. Jim found it especially hard to catch his breath because the arm Spock had around him had tightened to a painful, iron-band-like grip. The two men knelt facing one another. Jim's wide blue eyes were brimmed with tears, his face pale and his lips parted as he gasped for air in an attempt to fill lungs that simply did not want to comply. The expression on Jim's face was mirror of Spock. Emotional transference, a side-effect had something to do with the crack in Spock's rigid control, but most of it was from Spock own emotions of shame, guilt, and horror at what he had seen, and the realization of what he had done to Jim. Spock's hand on the meld points of Jim's face fell away and rested boneless against Jim's neck.

" S-Spo-" Jim began to whispered, but Spock silenced him by all but lunging forward and smashing his mouth over that of his shell-shocked bondmate.

" Mmmph." Groaned Jim softly as Spock seemed to want to devour him whole.

The meld had left them both with their mental barriers temporarily not at full strength. Jim could literally feel Spock's guilt, his shame, his horror, and his remorse through the skin to skin contact. Jim wanted nothing more than to melt into Spock's embrace, and loose himself in the touch he had craved so badly for two weeks, but something inside of him just wouldn't let him do it. He just couldn't forgive Spock just like that.

With a Herculean effort, Jim pulled himself away from Spock with a gasp. Almost immediately, Jim found himself in a full, rib-bending embrace. Jim endured this, even though it made something inside of his ache so bad and wish for death. If Jim thought about it, it was as though the marriage bond on his end wasn't quite ready and willing to let Spock off the hook and let him back in, as though it were a sentient being in itself wanting to shield itself and Jim from further pain and despair.

" Spock, you can't just kiss me like that and expect it to magically fix everything. It can't." Said Jim softly against Spock's solid shoulder.

" I am aware of this my T'hy'la, but for reasons I cannot truly compute, I felt that I needed to kiss you in such a manner. That you needed some kind of contact from me. I have neglected you for too long Jim." Said Spock, his arms around Jim tightening a little bit further.

Jim almost lost it right then and there, but he didn't let the tears that were brimming in his eyes fall. Through sheer force of will, Jim kept himself from dissolving into sobs right then and there, and went further by pushing himself up onto his feet and somehow breaking Spock's hold around him.

Jim stood, pale and shaking as he crossed his arms over his chest and wouldn't meet Spock searching brown eyes.

" Jim, T'hy'la." Spock began, reaching out towards Jim. But when Jim flinched away from his approaching hand, Spock fell silent for a moment. In all of the time that he and Jim had been married, Jim had never shied away from Spock's touch. To see him looking so vulnerable and so adverse to his touch had Spock's disgust with himself increasing ten-fold.

Jim's eyes fell on the Corvinian sphere where it rested on the table. That unassuming little sphere was the catalyst to all of this. Clenching his jaw, Jim took a deep, rattling breath through his nostrils before he spoke.

" Y'know, when I finally had that thing, I was going to sending it right down one of the disposal chutes. I figured, just send it right out into space and be done with it." He said softly before he turned to face Spock with worryingly cold eyes and spoke.

" But I couldn't do it. I came pretty close, had the chute open and everything, but then I thought about you, about how me getting rid of the sphere that way would hurt you and couldn't bare doing that to you." He said, his voice breaking just a little at the end.

Not being able to stand it for a second longer, Spock rushed forward and took Jim into his arms yet again, speaking softly into his distressed mate's ear.

"Ni'droi'ik nar-tor my T'hy'la." He said softly.

" I know you're sorry, but it just really sucks that I had to resort to hacking one of the systems of my own ship for you to realize that something was wrong Spock." Sighed Jim sadly as he returned Spock's embrace for a few fleeting moments before he was yet again breaking Spock's hold around him.

" T'hy'la please, what can I do to repent? What can I do to earn your forgiveness?" Asked Spock, silently desperate to make things right.

Jim stared sadly at Spock and shook his head.

" Honestly Spock, I don't think there is anything you can do right now. Everything's too raw right now, I don't even know if I'm thinking straight right this moment. I don't know what tomorrow is going to be like, but for today, I have nothing to give you, not even forgiveness. I know this makes me horrible, but that's just the way I feel. I'm sorry." He said with a helpless shrug, and his own remorse shining bright in his pale blue eyes.

For Spock, hearing these words were like a crushing blow from a massive boulder rolling at full speed. How foolish had be been to think that a few kisses and some words would erase the misery that radiated from Jim. And even despite that, Jim was the one who was saying sorry. Jim, who was the wronged party in all of this.

Jim took a deep breath and spoke.

" Computers, unlock all doors, security code Kirk, James T. 143678 Alpha." He said loud enough for the ship's computer to acknowledge.

The computer instantly complied, the soft clicks that Spock's sensitive ears caught being the sounds of the doors unlocking.

" You should take the sphere back to the lab, tell everyone I'm sorry for scaring them with the black out and everything." Said Jim before he started walking towards their bedroom, Spock watching him with slightly wider than usual, stunned eyes.

Jim paused in the doorway and turned to address Spock.

" I don't know whether you're gonna come back or not, now that you have the Corvinian sphere. But in the off chance that you do, please don't try to come into our bedroom, please don't. You can stay on the sofa here in the living room, or you can stay in your old quarters, there's still a perfectly good bed in there." He said without much emotion showing through his voice.

" But Jim, You need me, I must be with you. I want to be with you tonight. With the state that you're in, it is illogical for me to sleep elsewhere." Said Spock, feeling like someone had turned off the ship's inertial dampeners.

Spock watched as Jim's face crumbled for a second before he reigned himself in and shook his head as he spoke.

" No Spock, for once, you're not getting your way on this one." He said with finality before he turned away and walked over the threshold into their bedroom, the door sliding shut behind him once he was inside.

It was an effective way to tell Spock that there would be no further discussion of the matter, on this night at least.

Spock stared at the closed bedroom door for what seemed like a life age of the Universe. Then he caught the faint, blue glow out the corner of his eye and turned to face the Corvinian sphere where Jim had left it on the coffee table. It glowed softly, and the energy swirled lazily within its spherical confines like it didn't have a care in the world. As he now stared at the sphere, Spock could only think one thing amidst the chaos of emotions that now swirled around him his mind after the charged event of just moments ago.

The Corvinian sphere no longer looked so beautiful and fascinating now that he had seen first hand just what kind of damage he had caused to his bondmate because of his fascination with it.

It didn't look beautiful at all.

* * *

**Translation**

_Vulcan: Ni'droi'ik nar-tor_

_English: I am sorry_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

.**  
**

_Chapter 9: Like a Glass Tower Crumbling  
_

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The mess hall of the Enterprise was teaming with crew members as they set about having breakfast. Among the many Starfleet personnel was Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy. The ship's Chief Medical Officer turned away from one of the replicators with a freshly ordered meal consisting of two eggs sunny side up, hash-browns, some bacon, and a steaming mug of black coffee. The doctor had his morning scowl firmly in place as he stepped away from the replicators and began scanning the mess hall for a place to sit. As he looked around the crowded hall, Bones began contemplating whether or not he should just find the nearest corner to stand in and eat breakfast by utilizing his skills in balancing objects. Then the doctor's gaze fell on a table that was a bit far off from the rest. Even though there was an empty seat at this particular table, Bones let out a small, unhappy sigh when he saw that a certain pointy-eared individual was occupying the other seat.

Bones's unhappiness was not really due to the fact that if he wanted to sit and have breakfast, he would have to sit across from Spock. No, the doctor was mostly unhappy with the fact that Spock was here in the mess hall having breakfast when he should have been enjoying this morning repast with a certain blond haired, blue eyed individual in their shared quarters. Instead, Spock was sitting there at that secluded table, not really touching any of the food that was before him.

With another sigh and a shake of his head, Bones started walking towards the far off table where Spock sat.

" Mind if I join you?" Asked Bones gruffly once he was standing by the table.

Spock looked up to stare at Bones blankly before he spoke.

" If it is your desire to sit at this table, I have no objections Doctor." He said with a voice devoid of anything.

Bones nodded mutely and took his seat across from Spock.

The Vulcan immediately returned his gaze to the mostly untouched bowl of fruit set before him. Now Bones would by no means call himself and expert on Vulcan behavior, but he could make a fairly certain guess that the Vulcan sitting across from him was absolutely miserable to his very core. He was merely hiding it well behind his cool, Vulcan composure and stoicism. The two men stayed in an awkward silence for several minutes before Bones finally spoke.

" So I take it things still aren't alright between you and Jim." He stated.

Spock immediately looked up to meet Bones's eyes for a few fleeting moments before he dropped his gaze back down to the table top. Spock nodded mutely before he spoke.

" It had been seven complete standard days since Jim confronted me about how my deplorable treatment of him. He had since then only spoken to me when we are on duty. Furthermore, his communications with me in these instances have been brief, and strictly pertaining to the functioning of the ship. All of my attempts to speak with him about anything related to out personal life, including my attempts to communicate though the bond, have been rejected." He said neutrally.

" So you're still in the dog house then." Said Bones knowingly.

Spock quirked one of his slanted eyebrows at the Doctor as he spoke.

" Doctor, I have not been residing in a dwelling designed for a Terran canine animal. After the confrontation pertaining to the Corvinian Sphere, Jim requested that I stay in the quarters I occupied before we were bonded. I have since then been abiding by these wished from my bondmate." He said, the barest flicker of unhappiness passing across his dark brown eyes.

Bones resisted the urge to chuckle at Spock's expense, and he actually would have given in to the urge, until the true meaning of Spock's words hit him. Things really were a mess if Jim had gone so far as to literally lock Spock out. Letting out a small sigh, Bones spoke.

" It was just a figure of speech Spock. What I mean was that Jim's still to hurt a pissed at you right now for you guys to work things out between you."

Spock seemed to deflate minutely before the doctor's eyes. After a brief silence, Spock spoke.

" My mate has ever right to do as he did. What you have said is an accurate description of the situation between Jim and I. I am... unsure as to how I must proceed in rectifying my many grievances towards Jim."

At this, Bones gave a knowing nod before he spoke.

" Well, you already know that it ain't gonna be easy, cause you hurt him bad Spock. From what I understand, Vulcans are known for being a patient bunch. Give him time Spock, once Jim's ready I'm sure you and him are gonna be able to sit down and work things out."

Bones sounded surprisingly encouraging beneath his usual gruffness as he said these words.

" Thank you for your reassurances Dr. McCoy." Said Spock softly, not really meeting Bones's eyes as he did so.

Bones nodded before he focused his attention to his breakfast and finally began to eat. After their conversation, Bones and Spock had breakfast together in relative silence, sharing a few sparse words every now and then.

_Meanwhile, in the Captain's quarters..._

Jim let out a small groan as he splashed ice cold water onto his freshly shaved face. He screwed his pale blue eyes tightly shut in a futile attempt to lessen the pain that was spiking through his head. The young man blindly reached out and snagged the small towel he had placed on the sink-top. He promptly buried his face into it and let out another small groan.

As he breathed deep, Jim couldn't help but think about how it had already been a full week since he had confronted Spock about what his obsession with the Corvinian Sphere had done to their relationship. Since then Jim had distanced himself from his husband, and the freak headaches he had been experiencing had grown far more frequent and steadily more painful.

On this particular morning, Jim had woken from a dead sleep in the wee hours to a sharp, lancing pain throughout his head. It was as if his skull was cracking itself open in every which direction. But despite the pain, it was like the bond itself was still shielding all of this from Spock out of its own volition.

The last seven days had been among the loneliest, angriest, and just plain saddest days of Jim's life to date. But in addition to all of these feeling, Jim had found himself plagued by this ice-cold terror that would not abate.

Something was horribly wrong.

Jim knew this, but something in him stubbornly kept him from seeking out the one person he knew could soothe the turmoil he and the bond were in. With a shaky breath, Jim turned away from the sink and tossed the towel into the hamper as he walked out of the bathroom.

Jim monotonously got dressed for duty and had a breakfast that consisted of a lightly buttered bagel and black coffee with sugar. Jim had to force himself to chew and swallow, fighting his body's vehement urges to throw it all back up. Besides his peace of mind, Jim's appetite had suffered a great deal these last few days as well.

Both dreading and yearning to be on the bridge and see Spock, Jim stomped down hard on the urge to fall apart. Falling apart was not going to make anything better, and he was a Starfleet captain for God's sake, he had duties to his crew and to his ship. He could not afford to fall apart, even if he felt like whatever he had to hold himself together was beyond threadbare at this point.

Steadying himself, Jim stepped out of his quarters and headed for the main bridge.

Steadying himself, Jim stepped out of his quarters and headed for the main bridge.  
As he walked down the brightly lit corridors of the ship, Jim felt this sharp, lancing pain behind his eyeballs. He did his best not to let the pain show on his face as he made his way to the turbo-lift. It was only once he was safely inside the lift that Jim allowed his resolve to crumble a little. He leaned heavily against the wall of the lift and blindly reached out for the button on the panel that could stop the lift. The lift came to a halt mid-descent. Jim let out a shaky breath and reached up to hold his aching head between his pale, lightly trembling hands.

He groaned softly and rode out the acute waves of pain that were mercilessly assaulting him. Jim stayed this way for many moment. Then, he forced himself to straighten up and used all the will he had in him to banish the pain that seemed to be incinerating his very mind to the background.  
Taking in a deep rattling breath through his nostrils, Jim reached out and pressed the button to restart the lift.

Even though he was dreading it, Jim stood tall and resolute to look as normal as possible as the turbo-lift quickly came to a smooth halt and the door opened with a soft hiss to reveal the brightly lit main bridge of the _USS Enterprise. _

Several members of the crew looked up from their stations upon their captain's arrival.

From their place that the helm, Sulu and Chekov exchanged worried looks after they saw that Jim looked a little too pale for their liking as he stepped onto the main bridge.

" Good morning everyone." Said Jim with a smile that looked more painful than anything else as he made his way to the command chair.

From where she sat at her console, Uhura frowned as she noticed the way Jim seemed to barely keep himself from collapsing into the command chair as he took his seat. There was none of the usual comfortableness as he took command of his ship for the day.

These three crew members knew well enough that something was indeed, very, very wrong with their captain, even though he hid it quite well. Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu just knew that something was off with Jim, that something had been off for the past week.

But the three of them wisely chose from voicing their concerns, knowing that it would be like trying to bend a solid brick wall. They couldn't go above his authority when they weren't even sure what the whole story was. Maybe he was just tired after a string of very stressful missions, maybe he was coming down with something. Or maybe, it was a matter of a personal nature, and they had no right to delve into their captain's privacy like that.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu turned their attentions back to the work at hand, but their concern for their captain did not abate in the least.

A few short minute later, the main door to the bridge opened and Commander Spock strode in, looking tall and serious-faced, as he usually did.

" Good morning Mr. Spock." Said Jim neutrally, not really looking at his husband as he did so.

Spock paused in getting to his station to gaze at his still estranged bondmate and spoke.

" Good morning to you as well, Captain." He replied, his tone more flat and emotionless.

Jim clenched his jaw minutely and gave Spock a small nod, still without really looking at him before he turned his full attention to the main screen.

Spock knew a dismissal when he saw one, and turned lightly on his heels before resuming in reaching his duty station.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu felt their concern escalate a little after seeing this exchange between their commanding officers.

The Captain's face normally lit up whenever he saw Spock. Just now, his pale blue eyes had shutter, and his expression was closed off as he had acknowledged his First Officer. And even though he barely showed it, Spock himself did not look or act like he normally did. At the very least, he would have projected the barest hint of warmth toward Jim, but now, it was like there was some kind of barrier holding him back. He didn't look happy at all, which is saying something considering the commander was a Vulcan and the three crew members could actually tell.

Uhura also had it on good authority from one of the Ensigns from the Science Department that Spock had abruptly stopped his vigorous research of the Corvinian sphere about a week ago, around the same time that she had noticed that there was this unexplained distance between Jim and Spock. The Lieutenant could only guess what happened a week ago, but she had a sinking feeling that there was a correlation between the two aforementioned instances.

But what could she, Chekov, or Sulu do? They were on duty right now, and even throughout the whole week that had past, the captain had commanded his ship in a manner that was still exemplary, even if he himself was not as happy and upbeat as he normally would have been.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu realized that what was going on with their Captain was indeed something of a personal nature between himself and commander Spock. Now, as they went back to work, the three of them could only hope that whatever problems Jim and Spock were having, they would manage to work it out like they always did. Those two loved each other way too much to stay angry as each other for very long.

But such thoughts were pushed back to the recesses of concerned minds. They all had their duties in running the ship, and that too precedence right now.

Spock resisted the urge to actually slump in his chair, his feelings of dejection were that strong. Just now, he had felt nothing from Jim, nothing but the massive wall that he had erected between them about a week ago. Jim's mental shields were still up and strong, making it very clear to Spock that he was to keep out, even now.

Spock had tried every chance he had gotten to reach out to Jim, but each attempt had been for naught.

Jim had shut him out that night in there quarters, and he had kept Spock out ever since.

Spock felt the strong tug of his yearning for Jim, even now as he sat and diligently worked at his station. It was all that he could do to keep himself from getting up, making his way to Jim, falling to his knees, and begging his T'hy'la for forgiveness in front of the entire bridge crew. It had gotten to the point where Spock didn't care about the embarrassment of acting in such a way, he just wanted Jim, _his _Jim back.

Spock would have to call himself a liar if he said that the distance between them did not cause him pain. But Spock knew that he had no one to blame but himself for his misery, after all, he had been the one who had neglected Jim in such a callous manner for nearly a whole month, he had been so obsessed with the Corvinian Sphere. Spock knew that what he was feeling right now was no more than what he deserved. And even then, this was nothing compared to what he had put Jim through.

All that Spock had felt when he and Jim had melded that night, Jim despair, his rage, and his feelings of abandonment still haunted Spock to this very moment. It had robbed him of sleep many times over the past week, and no amount of mediation helped either.

Finally, not able to stand it after a full two hours of being in the same room with his T'hy'la and not feeling a single thing from him, Spock stopped in his rapid typing on his console and discreetly used his mental abilities to reach out to Jim.

_" T'hy'la?"_

To this, all Spock received was dead-silence. Not one to be so easily deterred, Spock tried again.

_" T'hy'la, may we speak? Please?" _

Spock hoped that he didn't sound as desperate as he felt inside.

Again, the Vulcan's attempt to communicate with his bondmate was met with a stony silence.

Spock tried for yet a third time.

_" Jim, please, speak to me. Please my T'hy'la, I need speak with you." _

Spock waited, silently hoping that Jim would relent and communicate with him. Several agonizingly slow moments passed with a cold silence through the bond and then...

_" You're being inappropriate Commander, we both agreed that we wouldn't communicate like this when we're on duty unless it was absolutely necessary." _

Spock felt an illogical surge of elation at finally hearing from his beloved T'hy'la, but it was short-lived, because the voice that had answered him was not that of his loving bondmate, but the utterly professional, down-right cold tone of his Captain.

_" You have not reciprocated any of my other attempts to communicate with you Jim. As you human's put it, desperate times call for desperate measures."_ Replied Spock.

_" What do you want Spock?"_ Asked Jim bluntly through the link, his gaze all but glued to the main view screen while his hands discreetly gripped the armrest of the command chair to the point where his knuckles were quickly turning white.

_" I desire many things Jim, but most of all, I desire your well being. This past week, I have not been able to ascertain your state. I know that you are not well Jim. Please T'hy'la, let down your barriers and let me mend that which I know is broken." _

Jim closed his eyes tightly as took in a deep, quiet breath through his nostrils. Spock's words were like a spear to his heart. He wanted nothing more than to let Spock in and actually do as he had just said, fix every jagged and shredded part of his mind and the bond.

But he just... He couldn't.

_" Oh, so you're concerned about my well-being now. You know, this concern is coming a little too late Spock, you should've been concerned about my well-being a month ago. I am pissed at you Spock, and if you think that you can just sweet-talk your way back in, then you are sorely mistaken. You'll make your promises that you won't do this again, but I know you Spock, I know that you are a Scientist through and through. I know that even though you've stopped obsessing over the Corvinian sphere, something else will come along and you'll probably do the same thing all over again. I can't do it again Spock, I won't go through what you put me through again. I just won't. Do you hear me sa Telsu!" _

Spock stifled the urge to flinch as Jim's mental voice had steadily grown louder and louder in his mind till it had become a powerful yell that echoed through his psyche.

_" T'hy'la, please calm yourself. I am aware that you are furious with me, and that you are well within your rights to be. But Jim, blocking the bond is not going to help matters, it will prove only to be detrimental to us both. This separation, not being able to feel what you feel, to not know that you are there, I can hardly stand it, and I know that you can hardly stand it too. Please Jim, please allow me back in, so that I may earn your forgiveness for all that I have done to you, to us." _

From where he sat, Jim felt his eyes burn with the fiery sting of tears, but he stubbornly blinked them back and stayed silent. Jim tightened his already vice-like grip on the ends of the command chairs arm rest, his fingernails digging into them. In his mind, his half of the bond, still guarding most of itself from Spock almost screamed in agony. It wanted Spock like a dying man wanted to live, but at the same it seemed too terrified still to let him back in. It left Jim feeling like his skull was slowly caving in, jagged pieces if bone burrowing into his brain at a snails pace.

Knowing that Jim was fast closing himself off to him again, Spock spoke the only words he had left to say and concentrated all that he was feeling at that moment at Jim through the bond.

_"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular T'hy'la. I love you Jim. I love you like I have never loved another being in all of my existence. Please, let down your shields T'hy'la, I shall take all care of you. You mean more to me than any sphere filled with energy ever would. Please believe that. I love you, my T'hy'la."_

All that once, Jim was bombarded by Spock's powerful emotions. His husband's feeling of sadness, anguish, guilt, remorse, and deep love_. _The Captain stifled the urge to gasp out loud at the feeling. It was like his agonized mind was suddenly plunged into deep warmth. It was so soothing, it brought tears to Jim's pale blue eyes. Jim tightly closed his eyes again and battled back the tears. All the while, he wanted to sink into Spock's warmth, he yearned for it. Jim was just about ready to lower his shields right then and there, when suddenly, the bond in his mind seemed to howl like a wounded animal.

From where he sat, Spock felt a jolt of shock go through his very mind as he felt Jim's mental walls abruptly close off to him like the steel gates of an impenetrable fortress.

All eyes turned to Jim when he let out a small groan that was amplified by the relative silence the bridge had been in moments earlier.

" Captain, what's wrong?" Asked Sulu as he stared at Jim.

His Captain looked like he was in a world of hurt. His already pale face had bleached to an almost pure white now, he was gripping his forehead with one pale, lightly trembling hand. Jim looked like he was on the verge of being violently ill, for no apparent reason what so ever.

While the rest of the crew was thoroughly alarmed by what they were seeing, Spock himself felt the beginnings of full blown horror swirling around in his gut. With his heart moderately pounding in his side, Spock quickly rose from his station and made his way over to his clearly distressed bondmate.

" Captain? Captain, what is your status?" Asked Spock, doing his best to sound as professional as possible while he silently felt his anxiety spike upon seeing for himself the state of Jim's current appearance.

" I seem to not be feeling particularly well at the moment Commander." Said Jim, swallowing thickly in an attempt to stave off the nausea

For reasons he couldn't quite fathom in his current state of mind, Jim felt like his head was in some kind of pressure cooker now. Everything was starting to feel to tight, to constricted. It was like something was trying to claw its way out of him, and was using everything it had to fight against all of the mental shields and barriers he had erected.

" Shall I comm Sickbay Captain." Asked Spock, all the while using his mental abilities in an effort to reach out to Jim telepathically.

" No, I just have a really bad headache all of a sudden, it'll pass like the others." Said Jim, inadvertently revealing certain aspects of his condition he had long tried to conceal from Spock.

" Others? You have experienced these headaches prior to this moment?" Asked Spock, instantly catching the revelation in Jim's earlier words.

Jim abruptly stood up from his seat in the command chair, and without really looking at Spock he spoke.

" You have the con Mr. Spock, I just need a minute to clear my head." He said with an air of finality before he promptly started walking towards the door that led to the conference room that was joined to the main bridge. Even a blind man would have noticed the way Jim walked so unsteadily on his feet as he left the paused at the threshold of the door to the conference room and spoke without looking back.

" Don't follow me, especially you Commander, that's an order." He said, his voice quiet and very pained.

Spock and the other members of the main bridge crew watched as their captain stepped over the threshold to the conference room, and the door slid shut behind him with a small hiss.

The bridge was silent as all eyes went to Commander Spock. Spock stood tall and silent for several moments before he blinked and looked around.

" The Captain has given his orders, please return to your duties immediately. However, Lt. Sulu, you have the con." Said Spock solemnly.

" A-Aye sir." Said Sulu as he immediately moved to take the con as ordered, while everyone else reluctantly returned back to their duties.

It was clear that neither the Captain or his First Officer was himself today as they watched Commander Spock wordlessly make his way towards the conference room Jim had just entered, disobeying the Captain's clearly stated orders not to be followed.

The members of the crew could only wait with bated breath to see just what would unfold once the conference room door shut behind Spock.

As for the Vulcan in question...

The moment he stepped inside the conference room, Spock's eyes immediately zeroed in on Jim where he stood before one of the conference room windows. Spock could see that Jim was standing with his forehead and pale hands pressed against the glass. With his sensitive Vulcan hearing, Spock caught the sound of each soft, shaky breath Jim inhaled and then exhaled.

Spock carefully stepped further into the room, doing his best to make as little noise as possible as he made his way towards his distressed bondmate. Spock came to a stop a little more than halfway within reach of Jim before he parted his lips and spoke.

" T'hy'la." He said quietly, almost whispering it.

Spock watched as Jim's entire body stiffened upon hearing his voice.

" I thought... I thought I gave you orders not to follow me Mr. Spock." Said Jim without turning to face Spock.

" Yes, and you may reprimand me as you see fit at a later date, but right now you will accompany me to Sickbay Jim." Countered Spock as he took a step toward his bondmate.

" And if I refuse this impromptu visit to Sickbay?" Challenged Jim, exhaustion clearly evident in his voice as he spoke.

" Then I shall have to resort to methods you will not appreciate to ensure that you do go to Sickbay." Said Spock.

" Just leave me alone Spock, you've been pretty good at doing it for the last few weeks, don't start bugging me now. Please, just go." Breathed Jim.

" I do no such thing. T'hy'la, you are not well, please allow me to take you to Sickbay." Said Spock as he reached out a tentative hand toward Jim.

" Don't touch me." Said Jim, somehow sensing Spock's intentions despite how clouded with pain his mind was at the moment.

For a moment, Spock almost let his outstretched hand drop, but he quickly banished the urge. Now was not the time for obedience. Spock continued to reach out until his hand came to gently grip one of Jim's tensed shoulders.

Spock heard the stifled sob Jim let out at the moment of contact. It made his very soul ache to hear such a thing come out of a man as strong as his bondmate. Spock tightened his grip on Jim's shoulder and began to gently pull the distressed human towards him.

Spock felt Jim stiffen further and put up resistance, but the Vulcan did not relent. Tightening his hold on Jim's shoulder, Spock gently forced Jim to turned around and face him.

With agonizing slowness, Spock made Jim turn around, and when he finally had his bondmate facing him, the sight that greeted the Vulcan had his heart stopping cold in his side.

A drop of dark, crimson red liquid dripped onto the front of Jim's gold Starfleet uniform tunic. The drop disappeared into a larger, steadily growing stain that was already there. More drops of deep red liquid dripped off of Jim's pale chin as a steady stream of the liquid seeped out from both of his nostrils.

" J-Jim." Whispered Spock once the ability to speak returned to him.

Jim stared back at him with glassy, unfocused eyes that looked more a dull gray than the brilliant blue they should have been.

His head was swimming, and everything seemed so far away now. The ship, the stars, even Spock who was only a few feet from him seemed so far away as a roaring sound filled his ears. Jim distantly felt the warm liquid that was trailing from his nose, over his lips, and off of his chin. The smell, the mildly salty taste, it was so familiar, but he just couldn't really focus enough to identify it.

The bondmates stood facing each other, seemingly locked in this scene ripped from the very beating heart Hell itself, for what seemed an eternity before Jim broke the silence by speaking.

" Spock, I think... maybe you should take me to Sickbay now. I don't feel so good." He said softly as he blinked owlishly at his husband.

Then, without warning, Jim's knees buckled beneath him.

Spock snapped out of his horrified stupor just in time to catch Jim before he crumbled to the ground in a heap. But Jim did not simply hang limp and loose in Spock arms. Spock watched on in helpless horror as Jim entire body suddenly went into wild convulsions. Spock did his best to restrain his bondmate's wildly flailing arms and legs. The sight of Jim in this state had the Vulcan feeling a terror so profound, it was unlike anything he had ever felt in all of his life.

" JIM, JIM CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Cried Spock loudly.

All Spock received in reply to this was a low, grotesque gurgling sound from Jim.

Knowing that he needed to act fast in order to keep Jim from hurting himself any further, Spock reach out for the junction between Jim's neck and shoulder and administered a Vulcan nerve pinch as gently as he could.

Jim's body instantly went rigid, then with a small gasp he slumped to the floor, unconscious.

Spock was about to yell out a command to the computer when the door to the conference room suddenly opened to reveal a concerned looking Lt. Sulu.

" Sir what's... Oh my God!" Exclaimed Sulu as he gazed upon the scene before him.

" Lieutenant, notify Sickbay immediately, this is an emergency, the Captain needs medical assistance!" Said Spock loudly.

Sulu seemed frozen where he stood, his dark eyes glued to the sight of his Captain's pale and blood stained face.

" NOW SULU!" Barked Spock, effectively snapping the Lieutenant out of his horrified stupor.

Sulu immediately sprang into action. Spock watched from where he knelt on the floor beside his unconscious mate as Sulu ran back onto the main bridge at full speed and used the panel on the command chair to contact Dr. McCoy directly.

Spock tore his gaze away from the shaken Lieutenant and focused his full attention back to his injured mate. With pale fingers, Spock reached out and pressed his fingertips to Jim's neck. Relief filled Spock as he felt Jim's weak, but steady pulse beneath his fingers.

As he gazed at his unconscious T'hy'la's pale and bloodied face, Spock didn't even notice when Uhura and Chekov rushed into the conference room to try and help.

Spock's sole focus was on Jim, and as he knelt beside him, waiting for Dr. McCoy and his emergency medical staff to arrive, the Vulcan felt his terror increase with each passing moment because he knew that this was he could not as of yet comprehend how it had come to this, Spock knew that things had gotten so bad that Jim's very life now hung in the balance and... it was because of him, because of what he had done to the one person he had vowed to cherish above all else.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 10: Descent Into the Arms of Hades_

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" What the Hell happened?" Shouted Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy as he knelt on the floor beside an unconscious Jim Kirk and ran his medical tricorder over the younger man's pale and blood smeared face.

From where he knelt on Jim's other side, quickly spoke up to answer the doctor's urgent inquiry.

" I am uncertain doctor. Approximately seven point four minutes before you were called, the Captain appeared to be in pain where he sat in the command chair. He said that he had a headache and that this was not the first occurrence of such an ailment. After saying this, the captain ordered Lt. Sulu to take the con and took his leave of the main bridge. He came here to this conference room, with expressed orders not to be followed. I knew that something just was not right, so I followed in the captain's wake. At this point, I was very concerned, so I began insisting that he allow me to escort him to Sickbay. Initially he refused, claiming that his headache would pass. He was standing with his back to me by that window over there. I reached out and gripped him by the shoulder. I made him turn around and face me. I was met with the sight of Jim with blood steadily flowing from his nose in profuse amounts. Shortly after, he collapsed and began to convulse violently. For his safety, I administered the Vulcan nerve pinch with as much gentleness as I could manage in order to render the captain unconscious. It was so that the captain did not injure himself during the convulsions." Explained Spock.

Throughout Spock's entire explanation, Dr. McCoy continued to assess Jim's condition, using his skills in multitasking since the situation called for it.

" Doctor please, have you ascertained the captain's condition?" Asked Spock as he watched the doctor work.

Around the three men positioned on the floor, several members of the main bridge crew stood at a respectable distance. All eyes were on their unconscious and bloody captain.

Uhura stood wringing her hands nervously as she stared at Jim's pale and blood-stained face. Uhura knew that for the rest of her days, she would never be able to forget such a nightmarish sight as the one before her now. A few feet away from Uhura, Ensign Chekov stood trying with great effort to keep himself composed. His eyes were wide and his lips were drawn thin over his clenched jaw. Seeing his captain, such a strong and seemingly invincible man reduced to such a state was simply horrifying. Under his breath, Chekov rapidly and softly spoke in his native tongue of Russian. He said the prayers his mother had taught him as a child, but this time he said them for his captain. Lt. Sulu stood by the conference room door, anxiously watching Dr. McCoy assess the captain. In all his life, Lt, Hikaru Sulu had never felt so utterly helpless as he did right now. There lay his captain, a man he had come to respect and admire so deeply, bloody and unresponsive. His captain had saved his life so many times over the years, starting all the way back to the Narada incident where they had been sent down to a doomed Vulcan to disable the drill that had been boring a hole straight to the planet's core. Sulu remembered how he had fallen off the drill and the captain had dove off after him. Jim had risked his own life to save Sulu's that horrible day and now, Jim was the one who needed help, but Sulu could do nothing but stay out of Dr. McCoy's way. Sulu felt completely powerless, and he hated it with all his heart.

Bones ran his tricorder over Jim a final time and then looked to the screen to rapidly read the results of the scan. What the doctor read had the blood in his veins turning to ice.

Spock watched in silent alarm as the color rapidly drained out of Dr. McCoy's face.

" Doctor?" Asked Spock, wanting to know what was going on now more than ever.

Bones tore his gaze away from the tricorder and brought his wide, almost panicked eyes to meet Spock's imploring gaze and spoke.

" Spock, we need to get Jim to Sickbay, _now_."

From the look on the doctor's face, and the tone of his voice as he had said these words, Spock understood just how truly dire the situation was.

Seemingly without even thinking, Spock reached for his unconscious bondmate. Bones watched as Spock used his superior Vulcan strength to easily pick Jim up off the floor. Spock carefully held Jim in his arms in a sort of bridal-style carry. Had Jim been conscious, he probably would have been turning bright red from embarrassment and loudly protested the overly feminized picture this painted him in. But Jim was passed out cold, and no one was finding anything humorous about the way Spock was carrying Jim. Jim just hung limp in Spock's arms, which only added to the already disturbing situation.

" Come Doctor." Was all Spock said before he was rushing out of the conference room.

" Mr. Sulu, you still have the conn." Added Spock to Sulu as he passed the Lieutenant out of the room.

"A-Aye sir." Said Sulu quickly as he watched Spock run across the main bridge to the turbo-lift.

Bones scrambled to his feet with his med-kit and ran after the rapidly retreating Vulcan. The doctor barely managed to get into the turbo-lift with Spock and Jim before the lift's door was closing with a soft hiss.

Once the lift's door was closed, the main bridge and the crew members who were on it were left in a stunned and eerie silence, all of them asking themselves a version of the same question.

What the hell had just happened to their Captain?

The ride to the deck that Sickbay was located in was normally a very swift one, but right now, the lift felt like it was going at a snail's pace to Spock and Bones. Both men had their eyes riveted to the unconscious man Spock held in his arms. In the minutes that had passed since Bones had first laid eyes on his best friend and captain, Jim's pallor had steadily bleached almost to a pure white. A fresh tendril of blood escaped from on on his nostrils, a stark red contrast to his pallid skin. To put it bluntly, with each second that passed by, Jim looked more and more closer to dead than alive.

But both Spock and Bones were not going to have that, not even for a millisecond. Bones rifled through his emergency medical kit and pulled out a hypospray filled with a medicine Bones believed would help stop the bleeding. He pressed the business end to Jim's neck and administered some of the sprays contents into Jim's blood-stream. Bones hoped that the hated hypospray would have Jim at the very least giving a small twitch, but Jim remained limp and unresponsive in Spock's arms.

" Damn it." Bones swore sadly to himself.

Thankfully, the turbo-lift finally eased to a stop and the door slid open with a soft hiss. Bones shot out first with Spock carefully maneuvering himself out of the lift with Jim in the good doctor's wake. Together the two men hurried down the corridor and through the doors of Sickbay.

The moment Bones and Spock with Jim in his arms stepped into the medical bay, the doctor's medical staff descended on them like a swarm.

" Spock, set him down on that gurney over there!" Ordered Bones as he pointed to the mentioned gurney.

Spock did as instructed, but he had to use all the will he had in him to relinquish his hold around his unconscious bondmate. Jim lay flat and unmoving once Spock had gently settled him on his back on the gurney. In the harsh, bright light of sickbay, Jim seemed almost to be made of marble, he was so pale. But marble could not belld red like Jim still was.

For a moment that seemed to span the length of a life age, Spock just stood there beside the gurney his T'hy'la was laying on and stared at Jim. The rest of the world seemed t o fade to the distant background, and there was just Spock and Jim.

As he stood there, Spock felt this strange, phantom crushing pressure where his heart was located. Though Spock had always prided himself on having adequate control over his emotions, at this moment emotional control was the farthest things from his mind. Spock felt terror, cold and paralyzing. The bond in his mind was screaming with it, it was screaming with pain and with loss. It was screaming for Jim, who was in no condition to soothe this terror and reassure Spock that he was still there. At this moment, Spock could feel only his own emotions, and where there should have been the warmth of the connection with Jim, there was a rapidly cooling void.

Spock was abruptly pulled back to the present when Bones almost knocked right into him. The good doctor looked slightly frazzled, but there was a hard intensity behind his brown eyes. His priority was properly diagnosing and treating his patient. He did not have time for distraction, and neither did Jim.

" Spock, I need you to take a step back and let me and my team work." Said Bones, although he did not bark this out sternly as normally would have.

" I understand Doctor." Said Spock as he made himself tear his gaze away from Jim and looked Bones right in the eye before he continued. " I apologize for being in the way. But please, help my T'hy'la to the full extent that is within your capabilities doctor."

Bones felt several emotions rise up inside on him at Spock's words, but he quickly battled them down and spoke.

" There's not need to apologize Spock, and you know full well that I'm gonna do all that is within my power as a doctor to figure out what's wrong with Jim and fix it."

With that, Bones focused his attention on the gurney that his medical staff was already crowding around.

" Alright people, let's get him into the exam room ASAP!" Ordered Bones sharply.

There was a small chorus of 'yes sirs' before the nurses and other medical personnel were pushing the gurney carrying Jim off towards the room McCoy had ordered them to take their fallen captain.

Bones followed close behind but paused to look back over his shoulder at Spock, sending the Vulcan what he hoped was a reassuring look before he quickly trotted after the gurney into the private exam room. The doors to this room shut once Bones had stepped through, effectively cutting Spock off from seeing what the good doctor and his team would set about doing in their full examination of Jim's physical state.

From where he had been left standing in the main Sickbay area, Spock stood and continued to stare at the closed doors of the examination room. Spock stood a tall and pale figure in the harsh light that illuminated Sickbay. Many of the medical staff who were not assisting Dr. McCoy stood in respectful silence and looked to Spock with concern they dared not to voice. Spock was immune to the many eyes that were watching him, his sole focus was on the doors to the room that held his gravely injured mate. Spock began to move forward, his feet seemingly taking steps out of their own volition. Before he knew it, Spock had stepped all the way across Sickbay so that he came to stand just a few feet from the closed doors of the exam room his Jim was in. After that, Spock just stood there and all he could do was wait for the doors to open.

Spock knew that when these doors opened again, he would get an answer to the one question he dared not voice out loud.

Was his bondmate going to live, or was he already too far gone to be helped?

Spock hoped with all his heart, mind, and soul that it was the former and not in any way, shape, or form the latter.

_Meanwhile, on the deck where the main science lab was located..._

While all of the drama and horror was unfolding up in the main bridge and was continuing to unfold now in sickbay, the Corvinian sphere remained where Spock had left it after Jim had given it back to him. It rested silently on one of the exam tables in its unique way of staying completely stationary without the need of a stand. It stood there on the table, looking rather unassuming.

However, unnoticed by the science officers who were working in the science lab, the Corvinian sphere had begun to minutely vibrate the moment that Jim had collapsed up in the conference room. As time had passed by, while Jim was being rushed to Sickbay, the sphere had continued to vibrate, and the energy that was held inside of it had stopped swirling at random and was slowly beginning to swirl in one uniform direction.

It was as if the sphere had sensed that something was very wrong, and was getting... agitated without drawing attention to itself.

Indeed, had this change in the sphere been noticed, the science lad personnel would find it to be very unusual behavior coming from what was thought to be an inanimate orb of energy.

_A good two and a half hours later back in Sickbay... _

Spock was still standing before the closed doors of the examination room McCoy had taken Jim into. The Vulcan had not moved even in the slightest from this spot in the one hundred and fifty minutes that had passed since he had carried Jim into Sickbay himself. But while Spock had not moved, around him there were several more familiar faces waiting along side him now. Standing in a small group a few feet behind Spock were Uhura, Chekov, Scotty, and Keenser. Sulu was still manning the conn like Spock had ordered him to, but the ship was almost at a stand-still, so the Lieutenant had not hesitated when Uhura and Chekov asked to be excused from the bridge for a moment to come down to Sickbay. News of the captain's collapse had spread like wild-fire, leaving everyone on edge and worried sick. Scotty, upon hearing the grave news, had rushed to Sickbay as well with Keenser right behind him. The two of them quickly joined Uhura and Chekov and together, the four of them stood in silent support for Spock and waited with along with him for news about Jim.

The group consisting of one Vulcan, three humans, and one small green lizard alien continued to wait for many more unbearably long minutes before finally, the small square-shaped red light above the doors to the exam room was extinguished, signaling that the doctor was finished.

Unconsciously, everyone from Spock, all the way down to Keenser held their breath as they waited the remaining seconds for the doors to the exam room to open. Uhura, Chekov, Scotty, and Keenser all stepped forward till they were all standing just a few feet behind Spock.

Then with a small hiss, the doors to the exam room were sliding open. At that moment, Spock experienced this illogical feeling of everything slowing down as if they were all in some kind of film.

The doors of the private exam room slid all the way open to reveal Dr. McCoy's emergency medical staff. The nurses and doctors that had made up McCoy's team all filed out of the room, all of them looking haggard after what had been a very long battle. Under Spock's sharp scrutiny, he noticed that several members of the team be they nurse or doctor also looked like they were doing their best to keep their expressions as neutral as possible. But Spock could see right through the crumbling veneer they were trying to put up as they walked past him,, he could see that many of the nurses and doctors were deeply shaken but what had unfolded behind closed doors.

Spock felt the gnawing unease he had been feeling throughout the entire two hours and thirty he had been waiting increase ten-fold in the pit of his stomach. The Vulcan watched the members of the emergency medical team filed out of the room, until his eyes caught sight of the one person who had been in charge during the entire ordeal. Spock stepped forward and side stepped the last nurse of the medical team. Spock came to a stop directly in front of Dr. McCoy.

" Doctor, what is the captain's status?" Asked Spock.

Bones slowly looked up to meet the Vulcan's dark, inquiring eyes. The Chief Medical Officer of the _USS Enterprise_ seemed to have aged several years in mere hours. The color from his usually tanned features was all but gone. But it was the good doctor's eyes that had something inside Spock feeling a deep, awful chill.

The doctor's eyes, usually hard and determined, now seemed filled with loss, confusion, and utter disbelief.

Bones looked at Spock at just stared at him for several agonizingly long seconds. Then the good doctor finally parted his slightly colorless lips and spoke.

" Spock... I think it's best that we go to my office." He said softly.

Spock felt this strange roaring in his ears, like a storm was raging against his sensitive Vulcan ear-drums. Spock battled back the tightness that had suddenly made his throat constrict through sheer will and spoke.

" Please Leonard, just tell me." He said softly, and with what little stoicism he could muster.

Bones felt something inside him shatter at Spock's words, but years of professionalism and sheer strength of will helped the doctor keep the despair from showing on his face as he spoke.

" Spock I... I don't really know how to tell you this." He began and then fell silent as the words he had formulated in his mind suddenly left him.

" Doctor, you may be as blunt as you wish, just tell me the status of my bondmate, has his condition improved?" Interjected Spock, having no patience for sensitivity at the moment.

Bones took in a deep, steadying breath before he forced himself to just say it like Spock had asked.

" I'm not gonna lie to you Spock, Jim's condition is critical. We stabilized him as best we could, but his life signs are still weakening. My scans show that even though he doesn't have a single mark on him, not even any actual physical injury to his brain, his brain functions resemble those of someone who had suffered a catastrophic stroke." The Doctor explained, his voice wavering on the last few words he spoke.

For Spock, it was like someone had disabled the ship's inertial dampeners.

Jim... His beloved T'hy'la... Catastrophic stroke?

These words were not meant to be spoken in the same sentence, not ever. And yet, that was exactly was McCoy had just told Spock.

Spock having adopted the ways of Surak, hid his disbelief well as he spoke.

" Doctor, you are certain of this?" He asked.

" Yes Spock, I ran five different scans of Jim's brain activity, and they all told me the same damn thing Spock. His brain may look perfectly healthy, but it's been hurt bad... Most likely... beyond repair." Replied Bones, his voice faltering on the last two words.

This time, Spock felt the world shift even more profoundly than just moments ago.

" No, this cannot be... It cannot." Whispered Spock as he vehemently shook his head.

Bones watched in silent horror as Spock's mask of control began to disintegrate before his very eyes. Not being able to stand the sight, Bones reached out and gripped Spock by the shoulder as he spoke.

" Spock please, I know this just shocked the hell out of you, but you have to keep it together for Jim's sake. I promise you, I will do everything that is within my power to save him, to fix whatever the Hell happened to him, but right now he needs you more than ever. Do you get that Spock?" He asked urgently.

Spock eyed the naked desperation that was radiating and it made something in the Vulcan harden once in a small breath, Spock looked McCoy straight in the eye and spoke.

" I understand what you are saying Doctor. Please inform the rest of the crew of the situation." He ordered sternly.

" Of course Spock." Said Bones as he somewhat reluctantly withdrew his hand away from the Vulcan's shoulder and nodded.

Spock's eyes lost there new found determination for a moment as he spoke.

" Dr. McCoy, I wish to be by my mate's side, is that allowable?" He asked.

" Of course Spock. You and Jim share a telepathic link, maybe you being near him will help heal whatever it is that is causing his abnormal brain activity." Replied Bones softly.

Spock nodded mutely before he turned sharply on his heels and strode towards the examination room where his T'hy'la lay. The Vulcan did not spare Uhura, Chekov, Scotty, Keenser, or anyone else a single glance. His sole focus was getting to Jim, and seeing for himself just what state his husband had been reduced to.

When he reached the threshold of the examination room, Spock paused for a moment, a small part of him not wanting to know what he would find inside the medical room. But the Vulcan quickly quashed this part of himself and steadied his resolved before he stepped across the threshold and into the examination room.

Like Dr. McCoy had said, he had to keep it together for Jim's sake.

But in addition, Spock knew he had to be strong and composed for his own sake as well, for in no way was he ready to let go of Jim, not by a long shot, and not without one Hell of a fight against whatever this freak disease was that was trying to take Jim from him.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 11: So Close, Yet So Far Away_**  
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" Wot the Hell are ya sayin' Doctor McCoy?" Asked Scotty, his accented voice soft with shock as he stared at the ship's chief medical officer with wide, disbelieving eyes. Beside Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and Keenser all stood with identical expressions on their faces. From where he stood before the small group, Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy felt like he was slowly being sucked into a black hole underneath his feet.

The doctor had just informed the rest of the command crew of their captain's truly dire situation. Taking in a deep breath through his nostrils in order to steady his slightly threadbare nerves, Bones spoke and explained.

" There's no other way to describe it. Based on all the scans and tests I've run, the captain's brain activity indicates that he's suffered some kind of catastrophic brain injury, like a massive stroke. But physically, his brain is completely fine, not a scratch on it."

" How is that even possible?" Asked Uhura softly.

" I don't know. In all the years that I've been practicing medicine, I've never seen anything like this." Said Bones with a frustrated shake of his head.

Then Chekov slowly stepped forward and spoke while he stared at Bones with veiled desperation shining within his eyes.

" You vill bee able to fix it right?" Asked the young ensign. " Zhere iz a vay back from zhis for zhe keptin?"

Bones felt his heart slam to a dead stop inside his chest when Chekov's words registered in his mind. What could he say? How could he possibly give the kid standing before him a definitive answer? What kind of answer could he possibly give to the four people and one tiny, humanoid lizard-teddy bear alien, considering what he knew as a doctor about the type of injury Jim was suffering from?

Bones stood there with the expectant eyes of the command crew and one tiny-lizard alien all zeroed in on him. Bones parted his lip to say something, anything, but nothing would come out. His vocal cords had simply shut down. Averting his gaze for a moment, Bones used every ounce of will he had in him to keep himself from falling apart right then and there. The the doctor forced himself to look back up and meet the many gazes that were trained on him. Taking in a deep, rattling breath, Bones forced his vocal cords out of the paralysis that gripped them and spoke.

" I don't know Kid." He said softly. " God knows that I will try everything I can to get the Captain out of this, but it doesn't look good."

Then Bones turned his head to stare at the closed doors of the private ICU chamber where his best friend and Captain basically lay comatose.

" It doesn't look good at all." Bones said.

Chekov, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, and Keenser all turned there gazes to the closed door as well, a myriad of warring emotions written across every line of all of their faces.

_Meanwhile, behind the closed door itself..._

The constant, unfailing sound of the medical monitoring equipment was loud and like a blaring alarm in Spock's acutely sensitive Vulcan ears. Spock was standing at the foot of Jim's bed, and the sight before him was something straight out of some hellish nightmare. Jim lay on the bio-bed, completely flat and unmoving. The color was completely gone from Jim's normally sun-kissed skin, and there were dark bruise-like circles under his eyes. The dimmed lighting of the Sickbay ICU only served to add more to this ghastly image. There was a small nasal-canula like apparatus over Jim's face, supplying him with fresh, pure oxygen. Jim's chest rose and fell with a steady pace, but his breath was far too shallow for Spock's liking.

The best way to describe how Spock was feeling, would have to be that he was completely numb at this point. Everything was too raw, too overwhelming for even Spock to compute. The Vulcan stood there by the foot of his mate's bed, frozen in place and just staring at the unconscious human. The beeping noise from the monitoring equipment droned on and on without fail. However illogical it was, Spock prayed that this steady beeping continued on without fail, for it was the sign that Jim's vitals, though weak, were stable. Taking in a deep, rattling breath Spock finally forced his leaden libs to motion. The Vulcan slowly began walking around the foot of Jim's bed further up till he came to stand by Jim's head. The Vulcan than reached for a nearby Sickbay chair and pulled it close to Jim's bed before he slowly sank down onto it.

Now Spock sat and stared at his fallen mate yet again, so close now that he could see the tiny wrinkles hat graces Jim's pale, colorless lips. Taking in another deep breath, Spock slowly reached out towards his mate. His pale hand hovered over one of Jim's ghostly white cheeks for several moments, like Spock was afraid that Jim would shatter at the barest touch. Spock finally willed himself to move past this illogical hesitation and actually touch his husband. Spock barely bit back a gasp when his sensitive fingers finally came to gently cup Jim's cheek.

Jim's skin felt almost ice-cold, and the sensation of this coldness against his fingers had Spock silently feeling a fresh wave of terror turn his copper-based blood to ice in his veins. Not being able to stand this, Spock all but shot to his feet and loomed over his senseless mate, Reached out with his other hand, Spock came to hold Jim's face in his hands. Then the Vulcan leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Jim's colorless and unresponsive one. Spock chastely kissed his mate for several long moments before he drew a way and began showering Jim's entire face with gentle kisses, as through he were trying to bring back the warmth in Jim's skin by doing so.

Throughout this, Jim continued to lay pale and silent. Spock did not let up for several minutes. Spock finally did stop when he felt a tell-tale burn start up behind his eyes. Letting out a shaky breath, Spock buried his face into the side of his beloved T'hy'la's neck and spoke.

" Ashayam, if you can hear me at all, please, please open your eyes." Spock Whispered against Jim's neck. " Open your eyes, I need you, I need you to come back to me. You must come back to me Jim, please Ashayam, please."

After that, Spock's voice drifted off into a never ending litany of Vulcan which he whispered against Jim's throat, all the while not releasing his hold on Jim in the slightest. Throughout all of this, Jim remained in his state of unconsciousness, leaving Spock to wonder if Jim was hearing him, or if he could hear him at all.

_Meanwhile, deep within the deep recesses of Jim's damaged psyche..._

Jim let out a soft, low groan as his pale blue eyes slowly fluttered open. Jim's eyes immediately fell shut just moment later as the young man let out another groan. He hurt all over, and there was something cold and grainy rubbing against his cheek where he lay almost flat on his front. Jim lay there for several long moment before he finally will his leaden limbs into motion. Jim gritted his teeth as the backs of his hands dragged across more the frigid, gritty surface he was laying on as he slowly got his hands underneath his body and slowly pushed up.

" Ah... Crap." Jim hissed as he slowly rose. He came to sit back on his knees as he groaned and blinked away the bleariness from his eyes.

The moment his vision cleared, Jim's hearts slammed to a dead-stop inside his chest while his eyes grew wide and his jaw hung open like a broken hinge. All around Jim was a vast, seemingly endless desert of blackish-purple sand. Last he remembered, Jim had been on board a star-ship smack in the middle of Space, no where near Earth, or any desert planets for that matter. This was definitely not the _Enterprise_.

" Where the Hell am I?" Jim asked out loud in as he jerked his head every direction he could in order to get a good look at his new, and rather alarmingly alien surroundings.

Jim quickly rose up onto his feet, only swaying slightly for a fleeting moment before he steadied himself and continued looking at his surroundings. It was almost like he was in one of the deserts of Africa back on Earth, only Earth didn't have blackish-purple sand anywhere on it as far as Jim knew. All around him were dunes upon dunes of this strange sand. WHen Jim turned his gaze upwards, he was met with a sky unlike any other sky he had ever seen in his life. The sky itself was a deep, indigo hue, but there were no clouds or stars, just a blank expanse of this deep indigo color that seemed to stretch to eternity much like the desert.

Jim looked down at his hands and saw that they were lightly caked with the dark sand. Without thinking, Jim lightly brushed them against his legs in an effort to clean them off as much as possible. It was then that Jim saw that he was not wearing his duty uniform like he last recalled. Instead he was in the same attire he had been wearing during the Narada incident, black Starfleet issue pants, boots, and long-sleeve shirt.

" What the hell's going on?" Jim asked out loud.

Then out of nowhere a cold, bone-chillingly cold wind suddenly picked up and began mercilessly buffeting Jim.

" Oh my God!" Jim yelled as he tried to shield himself against this frigid wind. It was like someone was throwing ice-cubes right at him.

Jim hadn't felt this cold since that time Spock had marooned him of Delta Vega during the Narada incident and...

Jim suddenly stood bolt upright, seemingly forgetting all about the cold air that seemed to be attacking him. His mind had become solely focused on one thing. Taking in a deep breath, Jim let his voice fly.

" SPOCK!" Jim yelled as loud as he could.

Jim's voice echoed through the vast expanse that surrounded him, but there was no reply to his scream, only the dead silence of the desert. Jim took of running, he ran hard towards one of the numerous sand dunes that stood like a silent spectator to his plight. Jim ran up the dune with some difficulty, his boots slipping several times under the loose blackish-purple sand. Jim did reach the top of the dune, and when he did he drew in a deep breath and yelled out as loud as he could once more.

" SPOOOOOOOCK!"

Again Jim's voice echoed through the still air until it died into a cold silence. Jim rapidly whirled around, looking every which way for any sign of something, anything.

Jim felt his insides turn to ice as cold dread began to wash over him. Here was standing at the top of a sand dune, in the middle of a desert full of sand dunes and dead air.

He was all alone.

Jim felt his breath pick up and his heart pounded hard against his sternum as he continued to frantically look about his cold and desolate surroundings.

Then something caught the corner of Jim's eye. The young man immediately turned his full attention in the direction of the as of yet unknown thing that had caught his eye. There in the distance, Jim could see a minute flicker of light amidst the blackish-purple sand. It was like the glint of the sun off of some kind of metal. But Jim immediately found this to be very odd considering that the sky up above him was dark, with no sun to give of a light that could glint off of metal.

Suddenly, Jim's knees nearly gave out on him as he felt this overwhelming pulling sensation take over his body. It was almost like the magnified pull of gravity, only instead of pulling him down towards the ground, it was pulling him forward towards what was flickering brightly off in the distance like a mirage.

No really knowing what was happening, and with his body seemingly moving of its own volition, Jim began walking down the other side of the sand dune he had climb, all but sliding down. Once he reached the base of the dune, Jim continued to walk.

Jim did not know what this place was, or why he was here, but all he was certain of at this point was that he needed to get to whatever place that flickering light was coming from.

He just knew that he had to get there.

With this in mind, Jim began walking across the seemingly endless desert plain of blackish-purple sand.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially have rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 12: Getting Past the White-noise_**  
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A light shiver wracked Jim's body as he walked across the blackish-purple sand. Jim didn't know if he had been walking for hours, or days even because he had no watch to look at, and the sky never changed its dark, monotonous color once in all the time that he was walking.

The flickering light was still there, shining in the distance that seemed as never ending as the desert itself. Jim shook his head and forced himself to ignore the cold air that was biting at him without mercy. If there had been one change, it had been that the temperature had dropped significantly for the time that he had first woken up in this strange, dark desert.

Jim wrapped his arms around himself and rubbed at his arms in an effort to warm himself. He didn't know what the hell was going on, or where the hell this place was, but he knew that he needed to get to that flickering light. With this in mind, Jim ignored the cold that was buffeting and continued walking, a solitary moving figure amidst the dark violet sand dunes.

_Meanwhile, back in the real world where things were in well in limbo..._

Doctor Leonard " Bones" McCoy winced as the string Saurian brandy he had just swallowed burned as it made its way down his throat. The good doctor was currently standing in his private office with a now empty glass in his hand. Bones let out a weary sigh as he set the empty glass down next to the half-empty bottle of Saurian brandy that was resting on his work desk. It was well into the night on board the _Enterprise_ and the door to his office was securely shut, so Bones would not be facing any troubles with drinking string alcohol in his office. But the moment he set the glass down, Bones could almost hear the voice of his best friend and captain in his ear, chastising him for drinking so heavily at such a God forsaken hour to boot. This made Bones almost reach for the bottle so he could drain it dry completely. Bones refrained from actually following through on this sudden, extremely strong urge and instead he took a large step away from his desk and the temptation of the numbness alcohol could provide him.

Bones turned away and started walking towards the door to his office, stepping through it after it opened for him with a small hiss. Once he was outside, Bones took a look around the ship's Sickbay.

Everything inside Sickbay was eerily quiet now. The lights were dim and most of the staff had gone off duty for the day leaving only the good doctor himself and the medical personnel who were on the graveyard shift. Bones quietly made his way further into Sickbay, nodding mutely at one of his graveyard shift nurses as he passed by where she was preparing a fresh batch of hypo-sprays. The doctor continued walking till he reached the closed doors of Sickbay's ICU area. Bones paused here a moment, for once having to steady his nerve before he stepped forward. The doors opened for Bones with a soft hiss and he stepped across the threshold.

This area was even more dimly lit than the rest of Sickbay, and it was almost dead silent save for the low hum of the ship, and the small, constant and steady beeping sound that the medical monitoring equipment gave off.

Bones paused just a few steps into this area, the doors closing behind him with a soft hiss. The doctor's eyes immediately went to the one bed that was currently occupied in this area, and the lone, tall and silent who was sitting almost as still as a statue beside the ICU bio-bed. Bones stood there for countless moments, just taking in the sight of his best friend and Captain laying almost ghostly white and unmoving on the bio-bed, and said best friend's husband Spock sitting beside him, not moving much either. Bones was so lost in gazing at this nightmarish sight before him that the good doctor nearly had a heart-attack when Spock soft, baritone voice suddenly rang out through the relative silent of the intensive care unit.

" Doctor, I believe that by human-standards, it is impolite to stare." Spock said without turning around to look at Bones.

Bones quickly calmed down and let out a deep sigh before he began walking forward toward Jim and Spock.

" Nothing get's past those Vulcan ears of yours does it?" Bones said flatly.

Spock did not answer, he turned his focus back to his unnervingly frail looking bond-mate.

" Has he moved at all since you've been here Spock?" Bones asked as he came to stand by Jim's other side.

Spock looked up to meet the doctor's imploring gaze, and gave him a mute shake of his head as his answer to the question.

Bones let out a disheartened sigh before he set about checking all of the medical instruments that were charged with monitoring Jim's vital signs. By the doctor's judgement, every piece of medical equipment that was charged with keeping vigil over Jim was in perfect working order, which only served to dishearten Bones even further because what the instruments were saying about Jim's status was not good, not good at all. Jim was a healthy and fit you man just entering his thirties, yet his vital signs were stable yet far too weak for a man of his age and physical capacity. It just didn't make sense what so ever that Jim had been reduced to this state, no sense at all. It was why Bones gave sound voice to these deeply troubling thoughts.

" Damn it none of this makes a lick of sense." Bones hissed as he shook his head and scowled in frustration.

" Could you specify what does not make sense?" Spock asked quietly. "Being that there is a great deal that does not make sense in this situation."

Bones turned suddenly tired eyes on Spock and made his reply.

" What I mean is, that there is nothin' physically wrong with Jim, but his vitals are so weak, it's like he's suffered massive internal damage." He explained.

Spock nodded and contemplated the doctor's words. The Bones watched as Spock shut his eyes and seemed to concentrate very hard on something. Bones caught the barest knot marring Spock normally smooth brow before the Vulcan's dark eyes were rapidly fluttering open.

" Spock?" Bones asked as he quickly stepped around Jim's bed to stand beside Spock. " What is it, what's wrong?"

Spock was silent for several excruciatingly long moments before he finally met the doctor's imploring gaze with an almost troubled look on his own pale countenance.

" Doctor, just now I attempted to contact Jim's mind through the Vulcan marriage bond that joins us but..." Spock trailed off while he turned his gaze to his unconscious bond-mate.

" But what Spock? Tell me." Bones urged.

" I do not understand why, but I could not reach Jim. In the past whenever Jim was unconscious, I could still reach out to him through the bond. Just now I tried to do exactly that, but all I received was... What can best be described as what humans refer to as... White noise." Spock explained softly without once taking his eyes off Jim's pale and lax countenance.

Bones stood there silent, letting Spock's words wash over him. The moment the words, and all that they had the potential of meaning in regards to Jim's very mind, sunk in, Bones felt this wide, gaping chasm of dread open up inside his chest. It was like an black hole had opened up inside his chest, and was nw trying to suck his very soul into a dark abyss.

"Jesus." Bones swore softly while his eyes too went to Jim's pale and unnervingly still form.

_Meanwhile, back in the depths of Jim's mind..._

Jim let out a shaky breath as another shiver wracked his chilled body. The young man had been walking across the sand for so long that his feet were aching in loud protest at this point. Jim soldiered through the pain, knowing that stopping just was not an option for him. After what seemed like hours of more walking and being mercilessly hit by wave after wave of biting cold wind, Jim felt something shift in the air as he came to the base of a large blackish-purple sand dune. As he stood before it, Jim knew that out off all the dunes he had encountered in this strange place, this was by far the biggest one.

It was almost as though something was physically pulling at him now as he stood at the base of this sand dune, and the fact that he could no longer see the bright flickering light he had been walking towards in the first place served to spark Jim's hopes that he had finally reached his intended destination.

With a renewed sense of vigor, Jim trotted forward and began making the tedious climb up this final, massive sand dune. Jim was very vocal in his frustrations each and every time he slipped against the loose sand on the way up. Slowly but sure, Jim finally did reach the top of the dune.

Breathing hard, Jim collapsed onto his knees at the very top of the dune and focused on catching his breath. Once he could breath again without difficulty, Jim looked up and the moment he did he felt his heart skip a beat at what he saw.

There standing just a few meters in the distance was a massive, ancient looking temple-like structure. The building was grand, yet decrepit, as though it were an old sand-castle awaiting an imminent death by the ocean waves.

" What the hell is that?" Jim whispered to himself as he slowly rose to his feet.

No sooner had Jim spoken when the flickering light reappeared from within the ancient-looking building. Jim's heart immediately began to pound hard inside his chest, and without even realizing it the young man took off running. Jim more or less slid down the other side of the dune and when his feet reached the bottom he was running hard and fast towards the temple, as though terrified it would suddenly vanish before he could reach it. Blackish-purple sand flew every which way as Jim made a mad dash towards the temple ruins.

Jim felt a momentary grin brighten up his face when he reached the grand front stairs that led into the ruins, but the grin soon faded into a look of grim determination as Jim stopped running and warily made his way up these steps. He was unarmed, and this was a strange building smack in the middle of no where. Instinct and training took over as Jim carefully made his way up the crumbling steps of the temple and came to stand before the ominously dark, gapping doorway that led into the temple. The way was completely black, and served to only add to Jim's already present apprehension about the place.

Jim stood before the doorway, trying to decide his next move. Out of nowhere Jim's knees suddenly collapsed under him. Jim hit the ground hard and let out a loud cry as an overwhelming deluge of emotions, thoughts, and sensations all clustered together and indecipherable hit him all at once.

Jim gasped as he reached up and clutched at his head. There was no pain, just too many sensations all at once. It stayed this way for several eternally long moments before Jim finally felt everything return to some semblance of normal. With his head buzzing from this strange episode, Jim blinked rapidly to clear his head somewhat before he looked back up at the doorway.

At first, all Jim could see was the darkness of the temple ruins unknown interior, but then just as suddenly as the psyionic onslaught that had just happened, the flickering light appeared like a small, distant dot against the darkness of the doorway.

Instantly forgetting about what he had just felt, Jim rose to his feet, took a deep breath, and started walking forward into the temple ruins.

God only knew just what he would find inside this place. If there was one thing Jim did know, it was that he needed to get to that light as soon as possible.

While Jim was getting ready to do some exploring, back in the real world on board the _Enterprise_, Spock and Bones were still keeping silent vigil over his more or less comatose body.

Bones let out another deep sight and crossed his arms tightly over his chest as he shook his head and spoke.

" Damnit, it's been three days already." He said quietly.

" Three days, ten hours, and twenty-five minutes." Spock added just as quietly without taking his gaze off of his bondmate.

Bones turned to look at the Vulcan, his expression one of sadness and veiled fondness. Of course the person known as the ship's living, breathing calculator would be keeping track of things numerically.

" Spock, I won't lie to you, this looks seriously bad, and I feel like I'm flying blind here." Bones said.

Spock turned to meet the doctor's deeply troubled gaze.

" You saw for yourself how the drugs I've tried on him have had no effect what so ever." Bones fumed. " Then again, said drugs weren't exactly designed to treat something like what Jim's got, an honest to God phantom brain injury."

Bones let out a small noise of disgust before he cross his arms and shook his head.

" Your frustration is quite understandable Doctor. I too am finding this situation utterly perplexing in addition to it being so serious. As I have mentioned earlier, I have tried to contact Jim's mind through the marriage bond, and have as of yet been unsuccessful at gaining any sort of response." Spock said.

" Well it's a start, and it's more progress than anything I've done on my part so far." Bones said flatly.

The pair soon trailed off into a silence that was laced with both melancholy and frustration. Both men hated this feeling of utter helplessness. Spock's emotions were naturally more reserved, where as McCoy's were written into every weary line of his face. Both men loved the man who was currently laying in a coma-like state in the bio-bed they were positioned on either side of. Jim Kirk was the little brother Leonard McCoy never had. From the moment they met on the transport that would take them to Starfleet Academy, they just clicked. Jim had been the one who brought Leonard back to life after the implosion of his marriage had shattered a great deal in him. Jim had always been there when Bones had needed a shoulder to lean on, but now, after so many awful events, Jim was the one who needed him, yet Bones was more or less powerless to help. This was probably the most bitter pill Leonard McCoy had ever had to swallow in quite a long time.

Where Dr. McCoy was feeling like he was a step away from Hell, Spock could say without much care for how illogical it may have sounded, that he had already reached the very beating heart of Hell itself. Spock had already been feeling an immense amount of guilt and shame before Jim had collapsed. But now, seeing his T'hy'la laying so unnaturally still and pale before him, Spock felt a thousand times worse. This was Spock very heart and soul laying with one foot already across the threshold of Death's door. Jim was the only someone in the Universe who had managed to break through every single wall the Half-Vulcan had ever put up. Sure, there had also been another who could do this, but she had been ripped away from him by a single Romulan's insane need for vengeance. Spock had lost her, and he had lost his home world. He had somehow managed to survive all of that, but he knew that if he were to lose Jim now, there would be no overcoming this loss. Spock was barely functioning now as it was, without being able to reach his Jim through the bond. The moment Spock had tried to reach out to Jim through the bond, he had received nothing but white-noise. That in itself had terrified the Vulcan to an extent that he had never before experienced. Spock knew that what had happened to Jim, and what was still happening to Jim was on him.

Had he not been so obsessed with the Corvinian sphere, he would have seen how he was alienating his bondmate. Spock knew that there was no one he could blame for this but himself. Jim and Spock had gone through a great deal to finally become bondmates. They had gone through the Kobayashi Maru debacle and barely made it through the Narada incident by the skin of their teeth. During the first yeah of the five-year mission things had also been very rocky between them. But they had somehow managed to form the bond that the Elder Spock had foretold they would have. Through missions, duty shifts, chess games, and getting over each other's faults and their own egos, they had become friends, which led to them becoming T'hy'la. It was now that Spock felt a dark, self-loathing overcome him. He was disgusted with himself. Sure he had worked hard to earn Jim's friendship, and then his love, but he had also been so quick to brush all of that aside, and for what? A sphere full of energy.

Spock knew that if... No, _when_, Jim survived through this, the Vulcan would fall to his knees and beg for his T'hy'la's forgiveness, but Spock was never going to ever forgive himself for what he had done to his bondmate.

As he sat beside Jim's bedside and let the self-deresion wash over him like a cold deluge, Spock felt more helpless than he had when Jim had first collapsed and started seizing that awful day in the conference room.

What was he supposed to do? Just sit there and watch his mate languish? Suddenly, the self-deresion was replaced with a full tidal-wave of grim determination as an idea suddenly materialized in Spock's mind.

Bones gave a small start when Spock suddenly shot up from his seat.

" Geez man!" Bones hissed as he tried to calm himself down. " Give a guy some warning before you use those hyper-speed reflexes."

" Forgive me doctor, but now is not the time to squabble over such things as you being startled by my sudden movement." Spock replied as he moved up to the head of the bed.

" Hey, what are you up to?" Bones asked as he moved up the bed to stand across from the Vulcan.

" I have devised a possible way to bring Jim out of this state." Spock said while he rubbed his sensitive hands together slowly, getting them ready for the task he had in mind.

" What are you planning to do Spock?" Bones asked. " Tell me."

" I shall performa mind-meld with Jim." Spock replied. " I would have done so earlier, but I did not wish risk aggravating Jim's condition earlier. However, I surmise that Jim is stable enough for me to meld with him now.

Bones took a moment to process Spock's words, and when they did, a fire seemed to ignite within the doctor as well.

" Well then, get to it man."

Spock gave Bones the slightest of nods before he leaned over the bed and loomed over his senseless bondmate. Taking in a deep breath, Spock mentally prepared himself before he reached out with his pale hands and gently placed his fingertips against the meld points located on Jim's face. Taking in another deep breath, Spock let his eyes fall shut and focused his mental energy on establishing the mind-meld.

" My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts." Spock said softly.

At first all Spock received was the same, droning white-noise he had been encountering through every single time he had tried to reach out to Jim through the bond. Focusing harder, but doing his best to remain as gentle as he could, Spock slowly began melding with Jim's mind.

Unlike other times where the meld had been a smooth, fast joining of his and Jim's mind, this time around Spock found himself having to focus hard, and sink through the white-noise that seemed almost like a thick, coagulated mud. Spock remained steady as he gently fought through this interference that had never been there before.

Bones stood back and watched on with bated breath, staying absolutely silent while he prayed for Spock's efforts to come to fruition. He could tell that the Vulcan was having some difficulty, his pale brow marred by a small frown. Bones just kept silently urging Spock to keep at it until he got through whatever the blockage was.

Minutes seemed more like hours for Spock, with nothing but the white-noise, but then all at once, Spock felt his mind suddenly fall through the white noise and into clarity as the meld established itself.

The outside world disappeared for Spock as his mind tunneled into the meld, and he found himself pulled into his bondmate's damaged psyche. Spock did not know what he would find once he was on the other side, but what he did know was that once he was there, he would do all in his power to fix what ever it was that had been broken.

While all of this was happening in the ICU of Sickbay, back down in one of the labs in the Science Department, the pearly blue energy within the Corvinian Sphere started swirling around inside horizontally, something it had never done before. The sparse personnel who were in the lab working the night shift did not notice this change. The Corvinian Sphere swirled away, and it also began to emit a low, melodious, almost inaudible hum, that sounded for all intents and purposes like a hum of quiet approval.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially has the rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 13: What Lies at the End of the Winding Maze _**  
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Dark, almost black eyes slowly opened as Spock materialized within his bondmate's psyche. Spock blinked several times before he looked up from where he was kneeling on the ground. What Spock's eyes beheld had his Vulcan heart freezing to a dead halt in his side. The mind-scape Spock new and loved above all others was completely gone. Where once there had been a vibrant nebula of bright, warm light and infinite beauty, they was only the barren and cold wasteland Spock now found himself in.

When the initial shock and horror dissipated, these emotions were replaced by a crushing shame and guilt that mercilessly pounded on Spock very katra itself. Spock knew full well that he was the reason why Jim's mind had become such a Hellish nightmare of a place. It was because of his neglect. He had reduced his bondmate to such a horrendous state. Spock slowly rose to his feet, a light shiver wracking through his tall and slender frame as he was immediately buffeted by a frigid, biting wind.

Spock looked around, taking in the dark purple sand dunes and the dark, empty indigo sky, feeling the absolute stillness once the sudden wind had dissipated. Feeling a tell-tale burning behind his eyes, Spock forced himself to calm down as much as he could and remember why he was here.

Somewhere in this vast desert wasteland mind-scape was his Jim, and Spock desperately needed to find him.

_Meanwhile, back in the waking world..._

Dr. Leonard McCoy was using all the will he possessed in his being not to start ripping large chunks of his hair out as he paced anxiously along the side of his best friend and captain's hospital bio-bed. The doctor's eyes were glued to said friend who lay unconscious still, and said friend's husband who was sitting in a chair next to the bed with his head bowed and his fingers pressed to the mind meld points on his mate's head.

It had been nearly and hour since Spock had initiated the mind-meld with Jim. From what he could see, McCoy could tell that Spock had faced a great deal of difficulty creating the meld, but had somehow pulled through. It was now the wee hours of the morning on board the ship, but McCoy had not once faltered in keeping vigil over Jim and now Spock.

The doctor was understandably feeling a great deal of worry for the two who were not only his commanding officers, but his close friends as well. The doctor could only wonder just what Spock was experiencing now that he was in Jim's mind. If there was one thing he was sure of, is that it was undoubtedly not a very happy place right now.

Shaking his head and nervously biting at his thumb nail, Bones continued to slowly pace while he watched on for signs of any kind, be they signs of progress or of distress.

_Back within Jim's psyche..._

Spock did not know for how long he had been running. All that had surrounded him was purple sand and dune after dune, after irritatingly identical dune. But Spock did not falter in his pace as he ran across the desert wasteland, pulled towards some unknown place by an equally unseen force.

Blackish-purple sand flew every which direction from under Spock's booted feet as he ran with the speed afforded to him by his Vulcan heritage. He ran and ran until he caught sight of a sand dune up ahead in the distance that was the largest he had seen in this barren place.

Spock increased his speed as he all but barreled towards this sand dune. The speed helped his climb up the sand dune with very little trouble, and once he reached the top Spock came to a dead halt at the sight that greeted him.

There in the distance stood a building Spock never thought he would ever find in Jim's mind of all places. There in the distance stood a gargantuan ruin, and not just any ruin, Spock recognized it as a Vulcan temple, it was the temple built in honor of Surak himself. This temple had stood a monument to the one who had shown Vulcan the path to enlightenment. The temple had stood near mountains that were near Shi'Kar, the place of Spock's birth. This place to had been lost along with Vulcan.

It filled Spock with both wonder and deep dread to see this monument, once elegant and well kept, now looking decayed by time and a ghost of its former self. As he stood there, Spock felt the phantom pull once more and wasted no time as he quickly made his way down the other side of the sand dune and took off running towards the vastly impossing temple ruins.

Once he hit the bottom of the dune, Spock took off running. Spock's long legs served him well as the Vulcan made quick work of the distance that separated him from the temple ruins.

The moment his foot hit the first cracked and slightly sagging stone step that led into the temple, Spock felt a nearly overwhelming rush of several emotions that were not his own suddenly engulf him.

Sadness, loss, emptiness, despair, and above all, pure, unbridled terror streamed through Spock's psyche like a broken record as the Vulcan bounded up the steps of the temple. Without pausing to have a look around, Spock ran head-long through the massive arched entryway of the temple.

At first Spock saw only the dark and dankness of a temple who's interior was well ravaged by the decay of time, but as he went further a faint light at the very end of the long entrance corridor caught Spock's dark eyes.

Feeling a jolt snap through his entire being at the sight if this lone flicker of light, Spock immediately picked up his pace as he all but flew across the dusty, cracked floor of the temple. Being half Vulcan afforded him a great deal of speed and endurance as Spock quickly ran the length of the seemingly too long corridor. As he neared the end of the corridor, the light that Spock had seen was steadily growing clearer and clearer to reveal that it was coming from somewhere beyond another grand arched doorway.

Spock barreled through this arched doorway, but the moment he stepped over the threshold he was stopping dead in his tracks at what his eyes beheld.

Unlike the actual temple to Surak, which had been a grand and spacious place where hundreds could stand together and not feel cramped in anyway, what Spock saw before him now was not so. In fact, it looked like something straight out of a nightmare.

Instead of polished floor and gigantic Vulcan tapestries of various hues and shapes hanging from the ceiling, what Spock saw before him was something that was impossible within the confines of reality.

Staircases, an innumerable number of staircases going in several different direction, forming what Spock could only describe as a maze, like an old Terran image he had once seen while he had been a cadet at the academy.

Back then he had thought the image to be illogical, but oddly alluring. Now, as he beheld it in all of it's dark and sinister glory within the confines of his beloved mate's injured psyche, Spock saw it as a clear message.

Finding Jim was not going to be as easy, not by any means.

But as he gazed at the vast array of staircases leading every which way from vertical to horizontal, Spock felt his initial shock at seeing such a thing quickly evaporate. The shock was replaced by a grim and fiery determination.

It made no difference to Spock how vast and seemingly impossible this scenario seemed, his mate, his Jim was in here somewhere and Spock was not leaving without him. No way in Hell.

From where he stood before this maze, Spock let his dark eyes drift shut as he took in a deep breath and focused his mind on a singular thought.

_" Jim, I am here. Show me where you are, show me the way. I must find you." _

Spock repeated this thought in his mind like a holy mantra. He kept saying it over and over again, projecting this thought outward through the bond that linked his mind to Jim's with all the mental strength he could muster.

Spock concentrated hard, this time willing the phantom pulling sensation that had led him to the temple ruins to overtake him once more so that it could hopefully guide him through the maze of stairways that looked daunting, even to him. At first all Spock felt was nothing, not even the barest tug. Then all at once it hit Spock like the business end of a bull-whip right down the center of his brain. Within the span of a few seconds Spock was off running at full speed, completely giving himself over to the now unshakable pulling sensation.

Spock found himself flying up the first set of stairs before he was taking a sharp turn to the left and running down another staircase and then straight through an archway that led him back up yet another set of stairs. Within minutes, Spock was disappearing into the seemingly endless maze of stairways and arches.

On and on this went, Spock ran up sets of stairs then down some more stairs, then through some more archways that led to even more stairs. In some instances Spock found himself running up or down stairs that were completely horizontal, or fully upside down. This mildly fascinated Spock as he ran, seeing as to how he was defying the laws of physics. But then he remembered that this was not a world that was based in reality. No, this was a mind-scape, Jim's mind-scape. Within the infinity that was the mind, anything was possible, anything.

Spock continued running with all he had in him, letting the pulling sensation guide him forward. Spock ran for what seemed liked hours upon hours without feeling the slightest bit exhausted. Perhaps it was another side effect of being in a mind-scape, you couldn't get tired when your actual body isn't running anywhere at break-neck speed. Another sharp tug to his own mind had Spock quickly giving up his efforts to make sense of what was going on and refocus on getting to where ever it was the sensation was taking him.

Spock sprinted up a flight of stairs that led to yet another archway. Without pausing, Spock ran through the archway expecting yet another flight of stairs. Naturally, Spock was startled when instead of another set of stairs, he found himself standing at the threshold to a whole other room entirely.

Gone was the seemingly endless maze. In its stead was a cavernous, circular room that was almost pitch black, the only illumination coming from the doorway Spock was currently standing in. Spock looked around the room from where he stood, and he could not really see much in the darkness that shrouded the space. Taking a deep breath, Spock slowly stepped forward into the room, his movements cautious since he had no idea what he would find in this room.

Spock's soft footfalls echoes lightly through the barren space of the circular room as the Vulcan made his way deeper into the room. Spock bit back a shiver because the room was cooler than his liking, nearly as cold as the wind that had first buffeted him when he had materialized within Jim's mind-scape.

Spock walked till he was at the center of the room, and the light from the doorway was distant and faint. As he looked around again, Spock saw that large, spiral stone columns stood around the entire circumference of the room that led up into the ceiling he couldn't see at all.

The room was dead silent save for the sound of Spock's own breathing in his ears. Not wanting to stand there idle, Spock took a deep breath and spoke.

" JIM?" Spock called loudly, his voice echoing through the cavernous space.

The pulling sensation had led him through the maze into this room, and Spock fervently hoped that Jim was indeed in here somewhere.

" JIM!" Spock called again.

But all the Vulcan received in return was silence, cold, dead silence. Then out of nowhere, Spock was nearly knocked on his feet as the room began to shake, an almighty roar that sounded like thunder filling the room and rattling through Spock's sensitive Vulcan ears. Spock managed to hold his ground and was startled with between a pair of the spiral columns, a large fire suddenly erupted from what appeared to be a metal basin of some kind. What struck Spock most about this sudden, contained inferno was that the flames were not the color of a normal flame. Where they should have been yellow, orange, and red hues, these flames were completely blanched of color, they were pure white.

Before Spock could ponder why the flames were this color, the Vulcan was once again startled when yet another blanched fire erupted, this time in the seemingly empty space that was directly to the right of the first fire. Then like some well times event, fire after pure white fire erupted in the spaces between the columns until all of the spaces were filled, and the fires encircled the entire circumference of the room just like the columns.

The circular room was finally illuminated by the white flames. But before Spock could take another, better look around the place, something warm and wet suddenly splashed lightly onto his right shoulder. Instantly alert and curious, Spock reached up and swiped at his suddenly wet shoulder.

When he drew his hand back to get a good look at the liquid that had fallen on his shoulder, Spock felt his heart slam to a dead halt where it resided in his side at what his eyes now beheld.

There smeared across his long and pale fingers was a thick, glistening, dark crimson liquid.

Blood, human blood.

Before Spock could properly register this in his mind, and ask himself why, a low, guttural moan from somewhere up above him caught Spock's ear. Spock felt frozen where he stood, as though a part of him didn't want to see just what was above him that could make such a noise of agony. But then a loud and long wheeze that sounded wet and plaintiff with pain filled Spock's ears. It served to break the paralysis that gripped the Vulcan as Spock slowly turned his gaze upward towards the ceiling of the circular room.

The moment his gaze was focused on the ceiling above him, Spock's eyes grew wide while his mouth fell open in blatant horror. Gone was all pretense of Vulcan blankness from Spock's face as he gazed upon an image that was ripped straight out of the darkest pit of Hell.

There, hanging high up above Spock in a demented spider's web of glowing white thread that was cutting straight into his pale flesh... was Jim Kirk, who looked more that halfway to dead already.

The skin that was not cut and weeping dark crimson blood was pale and stark white in hue. Jim hung from his silvery bonds limp and barely moving, but his eyes, those pale blue eyes that were usually so bright and full of life were gray and dulled with unspeakable agony as he looked down at a horrified Spock.

" J-Jim." Spock whispered when his voice returned to him, while his eyes were riveted to the nightmarish sight of his bond mate.

Jim blinked slowly before he let out another wheezing breath and began to move. The human let out a low, agonized cry as he forced on of arms to move, the silvery thread wrapped tightly around his wrist, already digging into it deep enough to make Jim bleed dark red.

With this hand, Jim reached out as far as he could towards Spock who stood so far away down bellow him. With tears streaming free from his eyes and his face contorting into an expression of sheer agony, Jim parted his colorless lips and let forth a scream with all the force his grievously injured body could muster.

" SPOCK!"

Jim's plea to his husband was accompanied by a blood curdling scream of pain that effectively snapped Spock out of his horrified stupor.

" JIM STAY WHERE YOU ARE, STOP MOVING!" Spock yelled urgently. " YOU WILL ONLY CUSE YOURSELF FURTHER INJURY!"

" SPOCK HELP!" Jim yelled weakly before he let out a shaky moan.

" The threads, they're cutting me."

From where he stood, Spock looked around frantically in search of any way to get to where his bond mate was suspended from the ceiling in agony. Much to his chagrin, Spock could see no way for him to get up to where Jim was.

The helplessness that Spock was feeling was nearly overwhelming, but his anger and frustration were stronger.

" Spock." Jim sobbed as he uselessly tugged at the glowing silver thread that was cutting into his wrists.

After a few moments of wallowing in the initial panic and helplessness, Spock remembered that he was Vulcan, and that he would find a way to his T'hy'la who needed him, one way or another.

Spock looked back up at his mate and spoke.

" Jim, please remain calm. I will get to you, just allow me to find the way." He said calmly, sending this feeling of calmness and love through the marriage bond to Jim.

To Spock's silence relief, he watched as Jim ceased in struggling against his bonds and allowed his body to go limp. Jim looked straight at Spock and nodded wordlessly as he began to take deep, slow breaths in an effort to calm himself down further.

" Please Spock, just hurry." Jim said softly, all but begging.

" Of course T'hy'la." Spock reassured. " I am."

Spock then took a deep breath and thought hard on just what the Hell he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to get to Jim who was so high up above him.

Then all at once, it dawned on Spock that what he was seeing was not actually happening. Jim was not actually hanging from the ceiling, bleeding from several deep wounds, because they were together in Jim's mind-scape, not the real world.

In the mind, anything was possible. With this thought firmly implanted in his mind, Spock closed his eyes and concentrated hard.

When he slowly opened his eyes again, Spock nearly grinned when he looked down and saw what had materialized in his hand.

A wicked looking Vulcan dagger with a curved blade that glinted against the light from the white flames.

This had been both and test to see what Spock could do in the mind-scape, and also a means to get something that could aid in freeing Jim.

With the dagger in hand, Spock looked up to where Jim's mental self hung battered and bleeding. Spock focused hard, and tried to will the cavernous circular room to decrease in height, so that the distance between himself and is bond mate could be lessened in that manner. But for all of Spock's concentration, the room did not change a single bit, it stayed the way it was with an impossibly high ceiling.

Spock bit back the frustration this caused him, and instead focused on finding another way.

Then Spock focused his mental energy once more, this time focusing on something far different from willing the room to shrink. If Spock couldn't get the room to shrink and bring Jim down to him, then he would simply go straight up to Jim.

At first Spock felt nothing, and a small part of him did begin to despair because he desperately needed for something, anything to happen. Then Spock's eyes were shooting open as he felt his feet leave the floor he was standing on. But no sooner had he realized that he was floating off the ground, Spock was falling back down with more force than was normal. Above him, Jim jolted when he saw Spock fall and yelled out to his husband.

" Spock, you alright?" Jim called weakly, biting back a groan as the threads that were wrapped tightly around his legs tightened just a little bit further, cutting him deeper after they had already sliced through the black trousers he was wearing.

" I am alright Jim, please remain still." Spock assured. " I am coming to you."

With that Spock closed his eyes and focused once more, this time putting all that was in his mental capacity into the thought of levitating off the floor and just floating up to where Jim hung. Once again Spock felt his feet leave the floor, but this time he paid it very little mind and instead focused on getting all the way up there this time. Tightening his grip on the hilt of the Vulcan dagger in his hand, Spock kept his eyes closed as he floated straight up the distance between himself and where his bond mate lay trapped.

An innumerable amount of time seemed to pass by until Spock felt himself come to a gentle halt.

" Spock." Came Jim's pained voice, no louder than a whisper.

Spock slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring back at the bruised and pale face of his bond mate. Jim gave Spock a wan smile before the pain of his wounds overtook him again.

" Spock please, get me outta here." Jim groaned as he hung his head a rode out the intense waves of red hot agony that wracked his body.

Not wanting waste any time, Spock gave a small wordless nod before he was reaching out with his hands, gently gripping one of Jim's wrists and holding it steady while he used the Vulcan dagger in his other had to cut at the glowing white thread that was holding it captive. It was tough goings, but Spock managed to saw his way through this first batch of glowing, razor sharp threads. After Spock freed Jim's wrist, he immediately set about freeing Jim's other one. Once he had Jim's arms free, Spock set about attacking the rest of the threads that were binding, and hurting his mate.

Spock had to use ever ounce of his will not to breakdown and weep at the sad sight of his mate. The skin of Jim's wrists were torn to shred, but thankfully it did not appear that the threads had sliced into any of the vital veins that were located at Jim's wrists.

Small miracles.

Spock carefully guided Jim's arms so that they wrapped around his neck while the Vulcan continued in his efforts to set his mate free of the silver threads. After what seemed like an eternity of cutting tediously at thread after goddamned thread, Spock was finally cutting through the last batch of threads that were wrapped around Jim's left ankle.

Once Jim was completely free of his razor-sharp confinement, Spock let the dagger fall from his own slightly sliced up fingers and wrapped his arms tightly around Jim.

" It is alright Jim, I have you." Spock said into Jim's disheveled blond hair.

" Mmm." Jim moaned painfully in response as he tightened his own grip around Spock.

Spock bit back a shudder at just how real the wetness of Jim's blood felt against his shirt, and it brought him very little comfort that this battered and bleeding version of his T'hy'la was actually a mental representation of Jim, not Jim himself.

Now that he had Jim in his arms so to speak, Spock wanted out of this dark and dreary temple ASAP. Tightening his already very tight hold around Jim, Spock focused hard on a place that was totally different from the ruined temple.

While Spock focused his mind, the temple began to melt away around him and Jim like it was nothing more than some desert mirage.

When Spock felt his feet firmly plant of solid ground, he opened his eyes and was deeply relieved to find that they were no longer in the darkness of the temple, and were instead standing in the middle of the living room area of their shared quarters aboard the _Enterprise_.

A pained cry from Jim effectively killed any relief Spock was feeling as his mate's knees gave out from under him. Spock eased Jim and himself down onto the floor as Jim trembled in agony.

" S-Spock... Spock what happening?... Why... Why was I in that place?" Jim asked through gritted teeth.

Spock gently cradled Jim in his arms, holding him close as he began to explain.

" Jim, we are not in the waking world right now. This place, this is our joined mind-scape." He said.

" What?... You mean this isn't our quarters?" Jim asked, confused as Hell.

" No Jim." Spock shook his head. " This is you mind, and I am currently initiating a mind-meld with you."

" Why Spock, what's wrong with me?" Jim asked softly while he tried to maintain his focus.

" I do not know for certain, but a few days prior you suffered a seizure of some kind, and when Dr. McCoy performed medical tests on you, he found that while your brain was physically undamaged, you brain activity indicated that you had suffered some kind of catastrophic brain injury. You are currently laying in Sickbay unconscious. I have performed the meld so that I could try to bring you back to consciousness. Do you understand me Jim?" Spock asked.

" Y-Yeah, I get you Spock. But I don't understand what happened to me before you showed up." Jim said.

" Can you tell me what happened to you before my arrival?" Spock asked.

" I woke up in the middle of a purple desert, can you believe that?" Jim said with a wan version of his signature smile.

Spock's eyes softened as he gazed down at his bond mate and nodded.

" I do believe it because I found myself in that desert as well. But please, continue Jim."

" At first I just started walking, but then I saw this light flickering in the distance, so I ran to it. That when I saw that giant, messed up building. The light was coming from inside it so I ran in. I just kept walking until I came into that room with all the fire lights. It was there in the middle, I saw it and I went to it... God I was so stupid." Jim hissed.

" What is it you speak of Jim, what did you see?" Spock asked.

" On the floor in the center of the room, the light that I had followed, it was an old-fashioned spool of thread Spock, just a harmless looking spool of shiny white thread. I picked it up, and the second it did the thing burst in my hand and those threads were on me, cutting me and hauling me up towards the ceiling." Jim said shakily, his eyes filling with tears at both the upsetting memory of the incident and the injuries he had suffered.

" Jim, you are alright now, you are safe." Spock assured before he leaned down and gently covered Jim's lips with his own in a deep kiss.

Jim melted into the kiss and reached up with one of his bloody hands to cup Spock's pale cheek and kissed him back.

When they drew apart, Jim collapsed back into Spock's arms completely exhausted at this point, and finding some difficulty drawing breath.

Knowing that time was of the essence, Spock gently rose to his feet, taking Jim up with his so that the human was leaning heavily against him.

" Jim?" Spock asked and waited for Jim to look up and meet his gaze.

" I'm with you Spock, what do we do now?" Jim asked.

" Jim, please hold onto me for I plan on bringing us both out of the mind-meld." Spock explained before he leaned in closer and continued.

" You have been unconscious for long enough, longer that any of our liking in fact."

" Well then." Jim said with a dim, exhausted version of his usually bright smile.

" Let's not keep everyone waiting, and I want back to the real world."

" Understood Jim, now please focus your mind with me." Spock instructed.

Jim nodded before he tucked his head under Spock's chin and closed his eyes, mentally seeking out Spock's mind so that the Vulcan could begin guiding him out of the mind-scape and back to reality.

As one, Spock and Jim felt the low vibration as the mind-scape began to fade away around them. It was like they were both being pulled up a long and winding tunnel filled with water. The bondmates gave themselves over to this sensation, knowing that the real world would be there at the very end of this long tunnel.

What happened once they got there would be anyone's guess.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially has the rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 14: The Cold Hard Slap of Reality_**  
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Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy was a man who prided himself on possessing nerves of steel, which came in handy in his line of work as a physician aboard a starship. Under normal circumstances, the good doctor could always keep a cool head about himself and get the job done, no matter how dire. But the circumstances Bones found himself in right now were the farthest from normal. With as much gentleness as he could muster, Bones pressed the business end of a hypospray full of a concentrated vitamin compound into the side of Spock's pale neck.

The Vulcan, who was standing over the unconscious form of his bondmate, Jim Kirk, did not do much as twitch at being injected by the hypo. Bones was beyond worried, because it had actually been nearly twenty-four hours since Spock had first initiated the mind-meld with an all but comatose Jim, in an effort to bring the captain out of such a state. The _Enterprise_ itself was at a basic stand-still, with Scotty in temporary command while her captain and first officer were both incapacitated. Right now the ship was going at a snail's pace through space.

Everyone on board, from the command crew to the most junior crew members were deeply worried for their captain, and now their second in command as well. Bones himself felt like he was in some kind of purgatory, unable to two of his closest friends. For all of those hours that had passed, Spock had stood there like a statue, not moving an inch and completely impenetrable by the outside world. Bones could only wonder just how bad things were within Jim's mind if it was taking Spock this long with no visible signs of success of any kind. Bones let out a small sigh of disappointment before he turned to set the empty hypo-spray he was holding in his hand onto a nearby medical tray.

But just as Bones had done this, he suddenly froze as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on-end, as though a live current was suddenly going through them. For reasons he could not yet explain, it felt to Bones like something in the air had shifted within the confines if the Intensive Care Unit that he, Jim, and Spock were all in.

Bones immediately turned back around to gaze upon Spock and Jim and see if indeed anything had changed.

At first Jim and Spock didn't look any different from the way they had in all the previous hours that Bones had observed the. The doctor took a slow, measured step closer towards Spock, who was still standing over Jim with his fingers pressed to the meld points of Jim's pale and lax face. The air suddenly felt charged with energy, and Bones seemed to subliminally realize that something was going to happen.

A few more agonizingly long and charged seconds passed by before Dr. Leonard McCoy was receiving the scare of his life as Jim and Spock were both simultaneously jolting back into the waking world with sharp, twin gasps.

" JESUS H. CHRIST HIMSELF!" Bones yelled loudly, nearly falling backwards before he realized that both Spock and Jim were now wide awake.

There was this strange moment of absolute, stunned silence, and then all Hell seemed be unleashed at once.

Spock barely had time to realize that he had come out of the mind-meld before the shrill sounds of the emergency alarms of several different medical machines going off all at once roared through his sensitive ears. Spock flinched at the continuous, high pitched blare, but then it dawned on him that all of these machines had been charged with monitoring his bondmate's status. If they were going haywire like this, it could only mean one thing.

Spock straightened up and his eyes immediately went to where his bondmate was laying. Spock's heart slammed to a dead stop and horror spread through his veins like ice when he found a pair of wide, terrified pale blue eyes staring back up at him. The pupils of Jim's eyes had shrunk to the point where they were barely visible. The young man's face was completely blanched of color, and his mouth was open wide as he tried and failed to draw in breath. In a blind panic, Jim lashed out with his right hand, clawing at the air as he tried to grab hold of his husband in anyway that he could. Jim's left arm however, lay limp and unmoving at his side. Seeing this instantly broke Spock out of his stupor. The Vulcan was immediately at Jim's side, grabbing his mate's flailing hand with his own and squeezing it hard in an effort to calm his terrified and clearly distressed mate down.

" Jim, Ashaya, I am here." Spock said soothingly as he leaned in close and gently cupped Jim's colorless cheek with his free hand. Spock was completely focused on his bondmate, while medical personnel were rapidly filling the room all around them. The alarms were still screaming loud and clear through the ICU, and the moment Bones had heard them he had gone right into Doctor mode and started screaming at the top of his lungs for his medical staff to get their asses into gear.

The sound of the alarms going off, and the look of pure terror written across Jim's face was something straight out of a nightmare for Bones, but the doctor instinctively shoved all of that aside and focused on the job he knew he had to do given the dire situation. Bones could not afford the luxury of simply standing there and letting panic consume him. When the members of his staff came barging in upon hearing his frantic yells, Bones immediately set about barking orders at them to get him the necessary items he would need to assess and treat his distressed patient. Like a well-oiled machine, the medical staff set about fulfilling the CMO's orders. When one of the nurses came running it with a medical scanner in hand, Bones snatched it up and ran to Jim's side. With quick, practiced movements, Bones ran the scan over Jim as fast as he could and took a look at the readings.

From where he stood clutching Jim's hand in his, Spock watched with rapidly mounting dread as McCoy's face drained of a great deal of color and his eyes grew wide in alarm. Another nurse gently pushed past Spock so that she could place an emergency breathing apparatus over Jim's nose and mouth. Jim took in a profound breath and slowly began to take in labored breaths in and out, but his eyes were fast becoming glossy and unfocused.

" Shit, this is really bad." Bones hissed before he turned to one of his nurses. " Get me twenty CCs of Benthanine STAT!" He barked out.

The nurse in question then took off running to get the ordered drug.

" Doctor, please tell me what is going on." Spock said loudly over the high-pitched din as another nurse jostled past him to get to Jim as they all swarmed about the distressed Captain.

" Spock, I'm sorry but now is not the time for a Q and A. I need you to step away from Jim." Bones said urgently.

" Not a chance." Spock countered with veiled vehemence.

Bones shook his head in frustration, but he understood that stepping away from his husband was the very last thing Spock wanted to do.

" Spock, listen to me." Bones urged. " I know damn well that you don't wanna leave him, but right now you need to move aside so me and my team can get Jim stabilized. Please Spock, for Jim's sake."

Bones knew his words hit home when Spock stiffened, then looked down at Jim who was still gasping and trembling where he lay. Spock then looked back up to meet Bones' brown-eyed gaze and nodded wordlessly. It made Bones feel physically ill when he watched as Spock forced himself to start letting go of Jim's hand. Jim immediately protested this, letting out a low, pained moan from behind the mask that obscured his face and tightening his grip around Spock's hand. Spock and Bones immediately moved to reassure Jim.

" Ashaya please try to calm yourself, I am not leaving you." Spock said while he ran and soothing hand through Jim's golden hair.

" That's right Jim, Spock's not going anywhere, he just needs to stand aside so me and my team can get you good and stable." Bones added as he gently gripped Jim's shoulder.

" Do you understand us Jim?" Bones asked.

Jim turned his now slightly hooded eyes to Bones and blinked up at him owlishly before he gave his best friend a sluggish nod of his head.

" Alright Jim, just relax. You're doing good." Bones reassured his best friend before he turned and yelled loudly.

" Where the Hell is that Benthanine?"

" Right here Sir!" Came the voice of the nurse Bones had sent out earlier as she came sprinting back in with the Benthanine hypospray.

The nurse quickly handed the hypospray off to Bones, who then gently pressed the tip of it to the side of Jim's neck and administered the drug. Jim let out a loud, pained cry when he felt the injection, he hated hyposprays after all, but within seconds Jim's whole body began to slacken and ease of tension as the drug to immediate effect.

" Alright people, let's get to work." Bones barked with steely resolve.

After that, the swarm of medical personnel headed by Bones set about stabilizing Jim, while Spock could do no more but stand there and watch, with only the bitter feeling of complete helplessness there to keep him company.

_Two hours later..._

Bones led out a small groan as he pinched the bridge of his noise. The doctor was exhausted in every sense of the word. But he could not give in to his exhaustion, because his job was far from over.

As he looked at the unnervingly still and pale form of his best friend and captain, Bones had to use all the will left in his body to keep himself from completely shattering. He and his staff had managed to stabilize Jim, but in the process of doing so, they discovered the true, horrifying state that Jim was in.

With barely any time to come to terms with everything he himself had discovered, Bones now had to perform what was by far, the hardest aspect of his duty as a physician.

He had to inform his patient's next of kin, in this case, the spouse.

Over the hours it had taken to get Jim stabilized, Jim had been lightly sedated, and Spock had been sent away. Though it had killed some part of Bones to order that they be parted physically, the doctor knew that it was the best way to handle the situation.

It had been a way to stave the inevitable as it were, but for Bones, time was now up.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Bones forced himself to walk away from his once again unconscious best friend. The best friend who was now in stable, but critical condition, and made his way out of the ICU to the main area of Sickbay.

No sooner had Bones stepped across the threshold into the main Sickbay area, Spock was on him.

" Doctor, how is my mate?" Spock said softly, as though he had screamed himself hoarse during the time it had taken them to stabilize Jim. As he stood there before Spock, Bones wondered if maybe the Vulcan had done exactly that, screamed and screamed in his mind while physically, he had not made a single sound. Bones quickly shook off this thought when Spock's words registered to him, and he felt his insides go ice cold because he knew what the answer to Spock's question was.

" Spock." Bones began before he lightly cleared his throat before he continued. " Spock, let's go to my office."

Spock gave a slow, wordless nod before he followed in McCoy's wake as the pair headed for the CMO's office, while the eyes of several medical personnel silently watched them as they went. Spock and Bones disappeared into the doctor's office, the door closing shut behind them, affording them some much needed privacy.

_Ten minutes later..._

The relative silence of Sickbay was abruptly shattered by a loud, jarring sound that came from within Dr. McCoy's office. Nurses, orderlies, and other doctors who were in the Sickbay all jumped at the sudden, unexpected sound. But before anyone could rush to McCoy's office to see what had happened, the door to said office was opening with a soft hiss and Spock, with his face devoid of all emotion, but his eyes burning with a desperation that had never been seen on him before, strode out with fast, purposeful strides and headed straight for the doors of the Intensive Care Unit of Sickbay, where his mate and Captain still lay.

A few seconds after Spock disappeared through the doors of the ICU, a pale and shaken looking Bones slowly stepped out of his office. He was unharmed, but his face was haunted and slightly vacant with shock. Back inside his office, Dr. McCoy's desk, made of metal and glass, lay in a broken in two pieces, split almost perfectly down the middle.

Inside the ICU, Spock slowed down in his stride as he approached the bio-bed where Jim lay. When he was at the side of the bed, Spock loomed over his sedated mate and simply stared at him. The normally tan face seemed like it was dipped in bleach, the hair that was usually a vibrant gold, was now a dark and limp. The circled under Jim's eyes looked more like bruises, and when Spock looked more closely, he could see that the left side of Jim's pale face drooped slightly. Spock felt like someone had poured liquid nitrogen into onto his heart.

As he stood there, Spock could still hear Dr. McCoy's soft, remorseful voice ringing in his ears as the doctor had revealed the full, horrifying truth about Jim's state.

_There's... There's no easy way for me to tell you this Spock. _

_We have Jim stabilized now, but he's still critical Spock. _

_I've never seen anything like it Spock, his brain is completely unmarred, no damage what so ever, but Spock, physically, physically he's messed up six ways to Hell. He has all of the physical damage of someone who has suffered a massive stroke. The left side of his face is sagging, his left side from his arm to his leg are paralyzed, and he could barely say anything comprehendible. _

_I haven't been able to give him any of the drugs that are used to treat these symptoms because there is nothing physically wrong with his brain itself, the drugs could cause actual damage and I can't risk it Spock. _

Spock did not know what happened after McCoy's words had registered in his shell-shocked mind, but the small twinge of pain that radiated from his right hand was indication enough that he had done something that had most likely frightened everyone in Sickbay.

Spock could not have cared less at the moment, for his sole focus was on his unconscious bondmate. Throughout the hours it had taken to stabilize Jim, Spock had tried to use the marriage bond to send Jim all of his feelings of love and reassurance. But it had been difficult, the white noise Spock had encountered during the mind-meld raising its ugly head and making it very hard for Spock to send his emotions through the bond. At first Spock had felt Jim's faintly return his own feelings through the bond, but then it had stopped all together, most likely when Jim had lost consciousness again.

Spock let out a slow, shaky breath before he leaned down and reached for his mate. With infinite care, at though Jim were made of a fragile porcelain, Spock gently cupped one of Jim's blanched cheeks and spoke.

" T'hy'la, if you can hear me, I need you to open your eyes soon. I need you to wake up and prove Dr. McCoy's diagnosis wrong. It cannot be as he described to me, it cannot. Please prove him, and prove me wrong Jim. Please Jim... Please Ashaya." Spock whispered, with veiled desperation tinting his words.

Then Spock leaned in the rest of the way and gently pressed his forehead to Jim and let his eyes fluttered shut. Spock took in a deep breath before he let out another shaky exhale and whispered his penance to his mate.

" Forgive me Jim, my T'hy'la. I know now that all of this, everything that had befallen you is my fault."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Star Trek franchise, nor am I making any profits from the writing below. Star Trek is owned by Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and J.J. Abrams and whoever else officially has the rights to Star trek . I am none of these people, so please don't sue me.

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_Chapter 15: You Broke It, You Fix It_**  
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The science lab was quiet in the early morning hours on board the Enterprise. The day was just getting started, the personnel who had been there through out the previous night switching out with the Alpha shift crew. But while this switch was happening, no one noticed the Corvinian sphere were it had been left underneath a scanning device. The contents within the sphere swirled round and round like it normally did, but if one were to look closely, they would see that amidst the slivery blue swirls was a single line of energy that moved in a completely horizontal direction, but with a small peak up and down every few seconds.

This particular line of silvery blue energy resembled what appeared to be an EKG reading, much like the one from the machine used in sickbay to monitor a heartbeat. But since the sphere was under a scanner, and the crew was going through a shift change, no body noticed this phenomena, so no one could look into it, and maybe ask that if what the sphere was doing was indeed monitoring someone's heartbeat, just who's heartbeat was it?

While the personnel in the lab went about starting their duties, the Corvinian Sphere stayed where it was, swirling away, with a single silvery blue line jumping up and down in time with an unseen pulse.

_Meanwhile, in the ICU of Sickbay..._

Bones steeled himself as he walked into the ICU carrying a tray that held a bowl of Plomeek soup, a plate laden with a various assortment of sliced fruit, and a cup of tea. The ICU was dark save for the lights that were situated above the only biobed that was occupied by a patient. Bones walked across the darkened ICU till he reached this one bed, and came to stand a few feet from the lone figure who sat beside it.

" Spock?" Bones called softly.

From where he sat, Spock did not turn around to acknowledge the doctor, instead he continued to stare at the pale and lax features of his bondmate.

" Yes Doctor?" Spock replied monotonously.

" I brought you breakfast" Bones answered as he took a step forward.

" I am not in need of repast Doctor, thank you." Came the flat response.

" Don't give me that man, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday. You need to eat Spock." Bones said as he closed the distance between himself and the Vulcan.

" You need to get some food into you before you keel over." Bones further warned sternly.

" I again reiterate doctor, I do not want anything." Spock said slowly.

Bones was silent for a moment before he shook his head. Damn Hobgoblin with a death wish.

" If not for yourself, then for Jim's sake, eat some breakfast to keep yourself going Spock." Bones said quietly.

That finally got a reaction out of Spock as the Vulcan turned and looked up at Bones with dark, unreadable eyes. Then with complete silence, Spock reached out and took the offered tray out of McCoy's hands and set it down on the stand next to Jim's bed before he picked up the bowl of soup and the spoon. Bones turned and stepped away to allow Spock to eat without an audience. The doctor leaned back against the foot of a nearby biobed and waited. In the eerie stillness of the ICU, Bones could hear the low hum of the ship, the distant sounds of his staff moving about and talking out in the main Sickbay area, and the faint sound of the spoon against the bowl as Spock consumed his Plomeek soup.

Bones stayed where he was for a good long while before he slowly walked back over to Spock. To his satisfaction, the tray that Bones had given Spock was now laden with empty dishes.

" Has he been able to move his left arm at all?" Bones asked quietly, knowing that Spock had been up all night in silent vigil over his mate.

" No." Was Spock's singular, monotonous reply as he continued to gaze at his sleeping mate.

" Damn it." Bones whispered softly as he felt a tell-tale prickling sensation behind his eyes.

" Why the Hell is this happening?" Bones said to himself as he crossing his arms across his chest and shook his head.

There was a long beat of silence before Spock's flat and devoid voice sounded through the relative silence of the ICU.

" Jim is in this state because I drove him to it."

Bones jerked in surprise and whipped his head to the side to gaze at the Vulcan.

" What the Hell do you mean to drove Jim to this state? You brought him back to consciousness." Bones said.

" No Doctor, I did nothing to help my mate, I have only made things worse." Spock replied as he slowly turned to meet Bones' alarmed gaze before he continued.

" It is my neglect that is the cause of all of this."

" What do you mean by that Spock?" Bones asked immediately.

" I was so occupied in my research and study of the Corvinian Sphere, I did not give Jim and his half of the bond the love and attention they both needed." Spock explained, while internally feeling like his very Katra was rending itself in half in remorse for what he had done, or in this case, not done.

" I shirked my duties as Jim's bondmate to spend nearly every waking moment I had off-duty obsessing over an inanimate object that is nothing more than a ball of blue energy." Spock finished softly.

" You honestly expect me to believe that Jim's in this state because of emotional neglect?" Bones asked skeptically.

" Yes Doctor, I believe that is the case. You must understand Doctor, the bond that connects me to Jim is more than just a mental connection. It is... It is an almost sentient being within itself with its own needs. The mental stability of the individual who the bond resides in depends on how well the bond is maintained through emotions and attention. Where Jim had never once faltered in making certain that my half of the bond is always nurtured and tended to by always remaining unshielded and letting me know his feelings, I did not serve Jim with as much faithfulness. Because of my foolish obsession with the Corvinian sphere, I basically closed myself off to Jim and hurt him. You saw this for yourself and chastised me accordingly the day that Jim stole the sphere from the Science lab. And then when I attempted to rectify the situation, Jim was too angry with me to be receptive, thereby closing himself off further, causing further destabilization." Spock explained.

" Jesus H. Christ himself." Bones swore as he carded an agitated hand through his hair.

" In-Indeed." Spock said softly.

After a long beat, Bones spoke.

" That explains a few things, but Spock, why did Jim collapse like he did? Why did he suffered this...this Phantom Stroke?" Bones asked desperately as he turned to the Vulcan.

Spock bowed his head even lower and remained silent for a long moment before he forced himself to meet Bones' imploring gaze and spoke.

" Doctor, it was because of me that Jim suffered the 'Phantom Stroke' as you have named it." He said lowly.

" Explain." Bones ordered sternly.

" The day that Jim suffered the stroke, prior to it I attempted to reach out to Jim through the bond while we were on duty in the Main Bridge. Jim was not receptive at all to my advances, but I continued my attempt regardless. When I professed my love and my remorse, I believe that the pain that this confession caused Jim was what finally pushed Jim past the breaking point." Spock trailed off for a moment before he gestured to his husband's pale and sleeping form before him.

" This is the result of my neglect and foolish attempt to earn my T'hy'la's forgiveness."

Bones stood beside Spock, stunned into speechlessness. Then with speed that rivaled that of a Vulcan, Bones lashed out and grabbed Spock by his upper arms in a vice-like grip, pulling the stunned Vulcan to his feet. Breathing hard and with his eyes blazing, Bones spoke.

" Are you telling me that that thing that you and Jim have in your heads has basically gone into self-destruct mode on Jim's side?" The doctor gritted out slowly.

Spock seemed to almost hang limp in McCoy's tight grip, as though the doctor ws the one thing keeping him from collapsing to the ICU floor in an undignified heap.

" Please answer me Spock." Bones beseeched as he gave Spock a firm shake to snap him out of it.

Spock was dead silent for what seemed an eternity, his eyes averted to the floor while the color had drained completely out of the Vulcan's face. Then Spock took in a deep, steadying breath and finally parted his lips.

" I believe that... your words are an accurate description of the situation." Spock said slowly as he finally looked up and Bones with his usually bright eyes dead, and dulled.

Bones could only gawk at the Vulcan he was all but holding upright.

While things had basically descended into fresh, but relatively contained Hell by some shattering revelations down in the Intensive Care Unit of the ship's Sickbay, throughout the rest of the Enterprise, things were running within normal parameters, but there was none of the brightness and lively energy in the personnel who were maintaining these parameters. Instead of liveliness, everyone from Keenser down in engineering, Lt. Sam " Cupcake" Giotto in Ship's security, all the way up to the main bridge crew with Scotty placed in temporary command were quiet and subdued.

From where he sat in the Captain's chair on the main bridge, Lt. Cmdr. Montgomery Scott let his eyes subtly take in everyone who was on the bridge.

From where they sat a few feet in front of him, both manning the ship's helm controls, Sulu and Chekov, each with their fingers rapidly frying across the consoles in front of them, did so in silence where normally there would have been a quiet banter. Both of them had matching expressions of barely veiled melancholy on their faces, Chekov a little more so. The spark was just gone.

Scotty barely managed to keep himself from sighing at the sight. The Chief Engineer then glanced over his right shoulder to where Lt. Uhura was manning the ship's communication station. Though all he could see was her profile, Scotty felt his heart seize for a moment when he saw the drawn quality that had taken up residence over the stunning woman's face. Scotty could also see the shadows of tiredness and sadness etched deep into Uhura's eyes. He could tell that while Uhura had valiantly maintained her composure and professionalism while on duty, when she was off duty and in the privacy of her quarters, or anywhere other than the main bridge, the woman was a wreck.

He knew this because he was the same, and had it on good authority that every other officer on board was also in their own version of the same state.

Scotty managed to stop himself from glancing at the noticeable empty Science officer's station, knowing that if he were to do so, he would probably emotionally compromise himself. And even now, as he sat in the Captain's chair, Scotty just felt horrible, almost like his skin was crawling because he knew how wrong everything was. Where he was sitting was never supposed to be his place, he was the Chief Engineer after all, and the circumstances surrounding just why he found himself in his current position were enough to make anyone feel this kind of wrong regardless.

But as he sat there, Scotty suddenly contemplated what a certain blond haired and blue-eyed individual would say to him if he were to witness the Bridge looking so Goddamned morose. Scotty instantly sat up straighter in his seat and determination quickly filled him. He was not going to let melancholy over-rule him or anyone else, they were still Starfleet officers after all, and besides that... The true Captain of this vessel would not want them to ever be so morally down-trodden.

" Mr. Sulu, how long b'fore we make it to the Melox syst'm?" He asked firmly.

Sulu was startled by the sudden question directed at him, but he quickly recovered and answered his commanding officer.

" ETA thirty-five minutes, warp factor four." He answered while Chekov nodded wordlessly.

" How 'bout we bump thins up to warp factor five an' cut off some o' those minutes?" Scotty said with a smile.

Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and every other crew member instantly caught on to what Scotty was trying to do. He was trying to brighten the mood.

" Aye sir, warp factor five." Sulu nodded with a wan half-smile.

" Aye sir." Chekov chimed before the two helmsman went about bringing the ship to warp five.

While Chekov and Sulu got to work, Scotty turned to the rest of the personnel on the main bridge and spoke loudly.

" Alrigh' people, let's get to it. No more mopin' about, we all go' jobs tha' need doin'. Besides, the Captain sure would no' want anyone bein' so down on any given day, neither will I allow it eith'r." Scotty said with his thick accent.

To his quite delight, Scotty caught sight of several crew members barely containing their smiles, even Uhura. Smiling in triumph, Scotty sat back in his seat and watched as the personnel around him began going about their duties with a renewed energy.

_" Mission accomplished."_ Scotty thought as he sat and watched the stars pass by at a faster pace on the main view screen as the ship seamlessly passed from warp factor four to warp factor five.

But all too soon the smile was evaporating from Scotty's features as he mind undoubtedly went to the true commander of this vessel, who was currently in dire straits, fighting for his very life down in Sickbay.

Back in the ICU of the aforementioned Sickbay Jim Kirk still lay in his hospital bed out cold and totally unaware of the highly charged confrontation going on between his husband and his best friend who were standing not a few feet from his bio-bed.

" Damn it man, fix this, fix it right the Hell now!" Bones hissed, still gripping Spock by his upper arms and giving the Vulcan an hefty shake with each urgent word that came out of his mouth.

Spock for his part was pale as a sheet and silent as a grave as his body limply moved with each shake from Dr. McCoy. Then it was like Bones' words reached deep inside Spock and flipped a switch. Abruptly the Vulcan was suddenly coming back to life almost and easily shaking off the human hands that were holding his as he stood to full height.

Spock said not a word, only pinned McCoy with an intense look that told the CMO to back the Hell off.

" Rest assured Doctor, fixing this is what I intend to do." Spock said slowly, meaning every word.

Bones opened his mouth to maybe yell at Spock to get to fixing things when a low moan filled the air and had Spock and Bones both turning to eye the source of the sound.

On the only occupied bio-bed in the ICU, Jim Kirk's pale brow was knotted in a frown while his body was tensed up with the unexpected but none the less imminent return to consciousness.

Striking blue eyes fluttered open as Jim let out a low groan of confusion and dull pain. The disorientation of coming back to consciousness was like a thick wool blanket around the young man. Jim blinked owlishly as two slightly blurred figures came into his line of sight.

" Jim, can you hear me?" Bones asked, immediately going into doctor-mode.

" B'ns?" Came Jim's slightly garbled response, his mouth not quite opening the right way, looking lopsided on one side.

" T'hy'la?" Spock said softly as he reached out and gently took one of Jim's hands in his own and squeezed it firmly.

"S-Sp'ck?"

Jim turned his still slightly unfocused gaze to the bleary form of his bondmate and did his utmost best to squeeze Spock's hand back in response.

While Spock was glued to his bondmate's side, Bones stepped away momentarily to get some much needed medical equipment from a nearby table. When he returned to his best friend's bedside, Bones had a tricorder in hand and used it accordingly to scan Jim's bodily status. The results, though not too great, were still welcome from what Jim's vitals had been before.

When he caught Spock's silently expectant gaze, Bones immediately began to explain.

" Jim's vitals are stable right now thank God, but they haven't improved none like I had hoped that they would."

Spock nodded curtly before he spoke.

" The fact that Jim is stable and conscious is ample improvement enough at this stage."

" I'd have to agree with you there Pointy Ears."

Then Bones turned to leave.

" I'm gonna go get some hyposprays, I'll be right back."

With that, Bones hurried off to get the aforementioned hyposprays, leaving Jim and Spock to each other. Spock stood over his bondmate, silent and scarcely believing that there were now a pair of open blue eyes were staring back up at him. In that moment in mattered not at all that one eye was drooping to the point where it was halfway shut, or that the normally tan face they were a part of was still pallid in hue. Jim, his Jim was awake after days of being in a comatose state. With understandable hesitance, Spock finally forced himself to move. He tentatively raised his hand and began to reach out toward Jim.

Jim's eyes caught the movement of Spock's hand, and a small, lopsided smile spread across Jim's slightly drooping face as he slowly raised his right hand with some difficulty to meet his bond mate's hand. Jim and Spock's fingertips touched in the Vulcan kiss, and it sent a warm thrill between the pair.

Jim let out a small sigh while his eyes fluttered at the small but poignant contact.

" Sp'ck, y' k-kay?" Jim gritted out through with a good amount of difficultly as he gazed imploringly up at Spock.

Spock was silent for a beat, stunned that Jim would ask him of his well-being when he himself was in such a dire state. But the Vulcan quickly shook away his astonishment and answered his mate.

" I am well enough Jim, more so now that you are awake." Spock began, before a shadow passed over his pale face and he shook his head. Spock was about to speak, to tell his bondmate just how sorry he was when Bones made his reappearance with hyposprays in hand.

The doctor quickly reached Jim's bedside and spoke.

" I'm sorry about this Jim, but I need to give you these."

Bones had anguish written across his face as he took the first of three hyposprays and pressed the tip to the side of Jim's blanched neck. With a moments apprehension Bones administered the shot.

" Aah."

Jim's soft cry of pain was like a spear straight to the heart for both Spock and Bones, and it was only made worse by the fact that there were still two more medications that needed to be administered. It was only through sheer forced of will that the three men all got through the last two hypospray administrations.

" Alright Jim, just relax now, let the meds do their thing."

Bones reached out and gave Jim's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, to which Jim looked at him gratefully through slightly tearful eyes, one normal, the other drooping un-naturally.

" You just rest now Jim."

As Bones spoke these words, Jim's eyes began to droop slightly as the meds he had been given began to take effect. They wouldn't knock Jim out completely, but they would keep him in a calm state.

Bones then turned to Spock and pinned him with a look as he spoke.

" Spock, you better fix this fast."

Spock could only nod mutely in agreement, because it was the cold hard truth. Jim, his T'hy'la, was in the dire state because of his neglect, because he had not been a true bond mate. The bond was now in a state of flux because of that, and it would only be through Spock that there was any chance of recovery.

Spock then turned his gaze back to his bond mate, who lay pale and for all intents and purposes, broken on a sickbay bio-bed. Dr. McCoy could not be anymore correct, he had helped to cause the dire situation they were all now in.

He would have to fix it, fast.


End file.
